The Joker I find the past such a worrying, anxious place. Yes, memory's so treacherous. One moment, you're lost in a carnival of delights: childhood aromas, the flashing neon of puberty, all that sentimental candyfloss. The next, it takes you somewhere you don't want to be. Somewhere dark and cold, filled with the damp, ambiguous shapes of things you'd rather forget. Memories can be vile, repulsive little brutes. Like children, no? [chuckles] But can we live without them? Memories are what our reason is based on. If we deny them, we deny reason itself! Although... what's wrong with that really? It's not like we're contractually tied down to rationality. There is no "sanity clause"! So whenever you find yourself locked onto an unpleasant train of thought, headed for places in your past where the screaming is unavoidable, remember this: there's always MADNESS You can just step outside and close the door on all those dreadful things that happened. You can lock them away... FOREVER.
[At home after hearing the Joker has escaped from Arkham, Commissioner Gordon cuts a newspaper clipping out for his Joker scrapbook]
I hate this. Whenever we jail him, I pray, "Please, God, just keep him there." And then when he escapes, it's "Please don't let him do something too awful this time." I hate it!
BG Barbara Gordon
[enters carrying a tray with two cups of hot chocolate]
Dad, just once, could you leave your work at the office and RELAX? I made you some cocoa. [sets the tray on the coffee table]
Thanks... but tonight, I could use something a little stiffer.
BG Barbara Gordon
[smiles and walks over to the liquor cabinet]
You know, I found that Catwoman scrapbook you couldn't. It was behind the wardrobe. [pours a glass] You really ought to let me work out a flying system for you, something like we use at the library.
Mm-hmm.... [sets the clipping inside his scrapbook]
BG Barbara Gordon
Oh, look, you've got paste squiging out. Don't get it on your pants.
Barbara, I swear, you're fussier than your mother was.
BG Barbara Gordon
[A knock at the door; both look up]
That must be Colleen. She's early. We're gonna work out. You'll have to entertain her while I get ready.
Heh, look at this one. The first time they met. [clipping reads "Bat-Garbed Vigilante Critically Injures Murderer; Disfigured Homicidal Maniac in Hospital"] He was just robbing banks then. You remember?
BG Barbara Gordon
What I remember is you describing his white face and green hair. I was just a kid. Scared the hell out of me.
I thought you'd be interested.
BG Barbara Gordon
Yeah, well, I had some really interesting nightmares.
[Barbara opens the door, finding herself face-to-face with the Joker himself, dressed like a tourist, camera around his neck - and a gun in his hand. He presses the gun to her abdomen and pulls the trigger, knocking her back across the room and crashing into the coffee table.]
Barbara! [Barbara writhes in pain, unable to move]
The Joker I wouldn't worry yet if I were you. It's just a psychological manifestation common among librarians. She thinks she's a coffee table edition. Though I can't say much for this volume's condition; I mean, there's a hole in the jacket... and the spine appears to be damaged.
You scum! [grasps his scissors, as if to attack] I'll -- [Joker's men punch him out, and begin to rough him up]
The Joker Will you? Refreshing to hear. Not by the book... [walks over to Barbara] Speaking of which, this one won't be walking off the shelf anytime soon. In fact, the idea of her walking anywhere seems remote. [kneels next to Barbara] But then, that's always a problem with softbacks. Oh, God, literary discussions can get so dry, can't they? Finish the Commish, and take him where he needs to be. And please, do be careful - after all, he is topping the bill!
The Joker [The Joker's men drag the unconscious Commissioner out; grinning, Joker turns back to Barbara]
It really is a shame you'll miss your father's debut, Miss Gordon. [reaches down to open her shirt] Sadly, our venue wasn't built with the DISABLED in mind...
BG Barbara Gordon
[pained]
Why... are you... doing this?
The Joker To prove a point. [raises a glass] Here's to crime.
The Joker [At the old fairgrounds, after rescuing Commissioner Gordon, Batman pursues the Joker into the hall of mirrors]
Let me ask you something: What does it matter if you send me back to the Asylum if it doesn't matter to me? I've proven my point. Gordon's been driven mad. I've demonstrated there's no difference between me and everyone else. All it takes is one bad day. That's how far the world is from where I am, just one bad day. You had a bad day once, am I right? Oh, I know I am. I can tell. You had a bad day, and everything changed.
The Joker [Batman enters an octagonal room of mirrors, and a wall panel shuts him inside]
Dressing up like a flying rat doesn't hide it, it SCREAMS it! [Joker's minions appear in the mirror panels dressed as Batman; Batman punches the mirrors] You had a bad day, and it drove you as crazy as everybody else, only you won't ADMIT it! [a trap door opens under Batman's feet, nearly dropping him into a pit of spikes] You have to keep pretending that this makes sense, that there's some point to all this struggling! You make me wanna puke!
The Joker [Batman fends off Joker's minions, and uses his grapple gun to escape]
I mean, what IS it with you? What made you what you are? Girlfriend killed by the mob, maybe? Brother carved up by some mugger? Something like that, I know! Because something like that... happened to ME.
The Joker [Batman enters a room that appears like the apartment the Joker, in his "old life", lived in - only upside down]
Sometimes I remember it one way, sometimes another. If I'm going to have a past, I prefer it to be multiple choice. My point is...
The Joker [The Joker closes the door and attacks Batman with a pot full of shellfish]
I went crazy. And I'm smart enough to admit it! [tears down a chair bolted to the "ceiling" and smashes it over Batman's head] Why can't you?! [kicks Batman in the face] By clinging to reality, you're denying the reality of the situation! [begins hurling dishes, then cracks Batman in the head with a frying pan] I mean, do you ever think about how many times we've come close to World War III over a flock of geese on a computer screen?! [hits Batman with the frying pan again, then begins kicking him] Silly goose, it's all a joke! Everything anybody's ever valued or struggled for... it's MONSTROUS! Why can't you see the funny side?! WHY AREN'T YOU LAUGHING?!
[As the Joker moves to use his lethal joy buzzer, Batman punches him in the jaw, then throws him into the table bolted to the "ceiling" and onto the "floor"]
Because I've heard it before... and it wasn't funny the first time.
The Joker [During his fight with Batman, the Joker manages to get a hold of his gun and pulls the trigger - only for a flag reading "Click Click Click" to pop out. He pulls the trigger a number of times]
God damn it... [throws the gun away] Well, what are you waiting for? Kick the hell out of me, and get your standing ovation! [brief silence; Batman does nothing] Come on!
No. Not this time. I don't want to hurt you. I don't want either of us to end up killing the other. But we're running out of alternatives. Perhaps it all hinges on tonight. I don't know what it was that bent your life out of shape, but maybe, I've been there, too. Maybe we could work together. I could rehabilitate you. You don't need to be alone. We don't have to kill each other. [holds out his hand] Let me help you.
The Joker [Batman holds out his hand, but the Joker stands on his own accord]
I'm sorry, but... no. No. It's far too late for that. [turns away from Batman...then begins to chuckle as the rain begins to fall] You know, it's funny. This reminds me of a joke. See, there were two guys locked in a lunatic asylum and one night... one night, they decided they didn't like that anymore. They decided to escape. So, they made it up to the roof and there, just across this narrow gap, they see rooftops stretching across town, stretching to FREEDOM. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across, no problem. But his friend, oh-ho, no way, he's afraid of falling. So, the first guy, he has an idea. He says, "Hey! I got this flashlight with me. I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings and you can walk across the beam and join me." But the second guy says, "What do you think I am, crazy? You'll just turn it off when I'm halfway across!" [begins to laugh] Oh, excuse me... [continues laughing; after a moment, Batman slowly smiles and joins him for the laugh]
[Batman and Joker just stand there laughing their heads off, as the camera begins a slow, deliberate pan down to a puddle near the two’s feet, Joker abruptly stops laughing and falls completely silent. Batman, however, does not stop. The screen slowly fades to pitch black, but Batman's unsettling laughter rings out, gradually fading away into the silence as the credits begin to roll.]
