Most-quoted character in Batman: Mask of the Phantasm (1993): in 11 of its 23 quotes
Most scenes with: Andrea Beaumont (3), Batman (2)
Listen, boopsie, even though you never call and never write, I still got a soft spot for you. So I'm sending you a fun gift...airmail. [Batman sees a small flying toy rigged with explosives starting to fly into the window] And there's no use jumping out the window this time, toots. The plane of the future is about to make you history! [Batman quickly throws a batarang at the toy, setting off the explosive. The explosion still knocks him back, causing him to drop the phone] Hello? Hello, operator? I believe my party's been...disconnected! [cackles loudly]
The Joker Whoops! Ha! I guess the joke's on me. You're not Batman after all. Looks like there's a new face in Gotham and soon his name will be all over town... to say nothing of his legs, and feet, and spleen, and head...
The Joker Wrong! It ain't the Bat! Nope, nope, nope. I've seen the guy. He looks more like the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The Joker For once, I'm stuck without a punchline.
The Joker Well, lady, I'm impressed. You're harder to kill than a cockroach on steroids.
The Joker Gasp! Can it be? Old Sallie "The Wheezer" Valestra! Welcome, paesan! It's been a dog's age!
Hello, Joker. Didn't mean to drop by unannounced.
The Joker Oh, Salvatore, why so formal? Mi casa nostra es su casa nostra! [shoves him into a rollercoaster] So, what's an old-timer like you want with a two-timer like me?
Business. I got––
The Joker Ooh! Business! Sounds like fun! Come, we'll repair to more comfortable environs. Now hold onto your hat and watch those valuables, it's going to be a bumpy ride! [laughs]
The Joker Honey, I'm home! Oh, don't mind my home security system. Down, Rusty! [kicks the mechanical dog waiting nearby] Can't be too careful with all these weirdos around! [chuckles as he walks over to the mechanical maid] What? Meat loaf again? Oh, I had it for lunch! Isn't Hazel here a cutie? True, she's a real homebody, but you can't help who you fall in love with! Come, have a seat, Sal. Tell what's on your so-called mind.
It's Batman. He's gone nuts! First he whacked Chuckie Sol, then Buzz, and now he's after me!
The Joker Ya know, I've been reading lately how old Guano-Man is wound tight enough to snap. [chortles] Wouldn't it be great if I've eventually driven him off the deep end?
This isn't a joke! Batman's knocking us off, and you're the only one who can take him down! Look, five million up front, with whatever you want to finish him off!
The Joker What do I look like, pest control?
Think, you fool! Once he gets me, how long till he gets you? You know what I'm talking about! [grabs him by the lapels] Your hands are just as dirty! Dirtier!
The Joker Don't touch me, old man! [calmer] I don't know where you've been! [chuckles] Oh, Sal, no one could take a joke like you. Of course I'll help you out!
Really?
The Joker Certainement! No way is anybody gonna hurt my pal Sal. [Valestra smiles] That's it, that's what I want to see. [ominously] A nice big smile!
You're tellin' me there were four precincts on Batman's heels, and he still got away?! [slams the phone down] Unbelievable.
The Joker Tsk tsk. And to think our tax money goes to pay those jerks.
You! [runs to the door to his outer office]
The Joker That's right, Artie. Bring in the press, why don't you? What a photo-op: The councilman and his wacky pal.
You're no friend of mine.
The Joker Oh, Artie, I'm crushed! How the high and mighty forget! Don't you remember - you, me, Sallie and the gang?
What are you talkin' about? I never met them or you. I worked for Beaumont! I didn't know what he was doing!
The Joker Oh, but you knew about it afterwards... and put it to good use, eh?
What do you want?
The Joker To find out who's iced the old gang!
Haven't you read the papers? It's Batman!
The Joker Ehhh! Wrong! It ain't the Bat. Nope nope nope. I've seen the guy. He looks more like the Ghost of Christmas Future... nowhere near as cute as Batboy.
You're saying it's someone else?
The Joker Yeah. Someone who wouldn't mind seeing our old pals out of the way. [gasps dramatically] Maybe - gulp, sob - me too! That's when I thought about you, Arturo. An important upstanding guy like you could find it... awkward if certain secrets were revealed about his past?
Wait, you don't mean that I -- [his intercom buzzes]
Mr. Reeves, Ms. Beaumont on the line.
The Joker Beaumont? Not the babe... ohh, you devil! [toggles the intercom]
Arthur? Arthur, are you there? [the Joker quietly chuckles, while gesturing to keep quiet about him]
H-hello, Andrea. We're-we're still on for lunch, right?
I'm sorry, I can't. I got hung up. I'll explain everything tonight, okay? [the Joker nods]
Uh, alright. I'll-I'll see you then.
The Joker Well, ain't that a co-inky-dink? We're talking about the old man, and the spawn of his loins just happens to call! Makes you want to laugh... doesn't it, Artie? [maliciously grabs him before cackling madly while administering the Joker Toxin]
Joker... your angel of death awaits.
The Joker I'm impressed, lady. You're harder to kill than a cockroach on steroids.
So, you figured it out. [removes the mask to reveal Andrea Beaumont]
The Joker Gotta hand it to you, nice scheme. Costume's a bit theatrical, but hey, who am I to talk?
You're not smiling, Joker. I thought you found death amusing.
The Joker Me? Oh, no. You won't hear a giggle out of me.
The Joker You're crazy! I'm your only chance to get out of here! Let me go or we'll both die!
Whatever it takes!
The Joker Uh oh. Okay, I give up. I've surrendered already! Tell her, Batman!
Andrea, you have to get out of here. The place is wired to explode!
No. One way or another, it ends tonight. Goodbye, my love.
