Most-quoted character in American Ultra (2015): in 13 of its 16 quotes
Most scenes with: Phoebe (9)
If I die, I'm going to do it stoned and smiling in my bed.
Mike Howell Hey Phoebe! Phoebe? [[over intercom] Hey Phoebe. I just wanted to say that I love you and that everything is going to be okay. I mean, not perfect, obviously, but better. Like, we'll probably have to get a new house. And also cars. But I'm coming to get you and this will all be over. Soon-ish.
Mike You know what skeeves me out, Phoebe?
What?
Mike That car down there has moved so much. Like, it was built in a factory, you know, on a production line. And then it was like, shipped here.
And then, like, this guy drove it all over the place.
Mike Yeah, exactly. But all the time, like for years, or really for, like, decades really, this one tree has been sitting in this one place not doing anything until tonight when it, like, stopped the car.
Yeah?
Mike Okay, so this car is always going. And that tree is always just, like, stopping. You know? Like, it's just been stopping there for years until tonight when it met something that it didn't want to keep going, and it was just : like, "No! You're stopping, too"
Mike And then this tree that has never done anything is ****, like, destroying this beautiful, really beautiful fast-moving thing.
Why are you crying?
Mike Because, Phoebe, like... am I that tree?
No. No!
Mike I think I'm that tree. And I think you're the car and I think I'm stopping you.
You are not the tree.
Mike Okay.
I love you.
Do you remember when you were arrested when you were 18 for the acid? That was when we first met. I was recruiting for a program called Wiseman. Which was basically designed to take third strike misdemeanor offenders and offer them the opportunity to volunteer.
Mike Volunteer? For what?
To be an experiment.
Mike An experiment?
Yeah.
Mike That was a mistake.
No, but Mike, you worked. All the other subjects that came in, they were all failures. But not you. You were a success, but it was driving you insane. It was driving everybody insane. The risks weren't worth the rewards. So I shut it down, and I gave you all new lives and new identities. A fresh start here.
Mike Yeah. So you erased my memories and you **** with my head. And you left me here with a fake girlfriend.
This isn't who you always were. The slow thinking, the inability to leave town. The phobias. We did that to protect you.
Mike To protect me? Well, tell that to the guys who are trying to kill me.
Okay, so just lead me through this one more time. Just so I'm clear.
Mike Um, I hit him with a spoon and his lungs exploded.
It wasn't his lungs.
Mike No, that's what happened. Because he couldn't breathe because I got him in the neck.
Yeah, your lungs aren't in your neck, they're in your chest.
Mike I know that, Phoebe. No, I don't know that. No, I do. Phoebe, it doesn't even make any sense to me.
Okay. Okay, so you said something about a lady. What did she say to you?
Mike Okay, so she said. I don't know what she said. Like, some bullshit. I don't know what she said.
Babe. We're in jail. So maybe just try and remember and focus and put it together. What did the lady say?
Mike Okay, she said Mandelbrot set is in motion. Echo Choir has been breached. We are fielding the ball.
Mike, what the **** does that mean?
Mike I don't know. Phoebe, I don't know but I remember it like it just happened. I remember every single thing that happened to me in the last 94 minutes. 94 minutes? How did I even get that number, Phoebe? I remember literally every single thing that happened. I can picture it all.
Mike Something very weird is happening to me: I keep killing people! There's a chance I may be... a robot!
Phoebe: Mike, you are not a robot.
Mike I just killed two people!
That's awesome.
Mike They had guns and knives and they were being total dicks!
It's not gonna be like this always, you know? Mike, you're like the strongest, kindest person I've ever met in my whole life. I **** love you. You're a **** mess, man.
Mike I know.
Mike Yo, Phoebe, where are we going?
We are leaving. We are getting the **** out of town!
Mike No, I can't leave town. You know that.
Well, you didn't have people trying to kill you before, I was thinking maybe that could motivate us here.
Mike Okay, fine, so where do you want to go?
Oh ****, I don't know!
Mike Alright listen. We'll take my car and we'll go to Rose's house, okay?
What? You want to get high right now? Mike?
Mike No! I don't want to get high. Rose has like guns and shit, okay. He can help us hide out and I'm still in handcuffs.
Okay, you are not in any position to be making the plan right now.
Mike Really? Well, who is? The cops are all dead.
The guy in the thing. In the cell thing, doesn't see the gun, You don't point at it and go, gun!
Mike Okay, no I recognize that now as, like, a faux pas. I'm sorry.
And if someone who's trying to kill you goes "wait!" You don't go, oh what do you want to talk about?
Mike Okay! You're right. I'm sorry. Please just don't yell at me, okay?
Mike How did you know what that gas was?
Okay... I...
Mike No, no, no. What's going on? How do you know what that gas was?
I don't know what's going on. But, listen. Baby. Mike, Mike, hey. I don't know what's going on! But I do know what's going on with you, okay? If you just listen. Listen!
Mike Okay, tell me then.
It's not going to make any sense right now.
Mike What is going on with me?
I'm your handler. I was assigned to you five years ago. Please understand, I'm CIA. Okay?
Mike You're what?
Listen to me. It's okay. I've been trying to tell you this for so **** long.
Mike Phoebe. Are you not my girlfriend?
Of course I'm your girlfriend, babe. That's what I'm telling you.
Mike Please stop it. No. No, I can't even look at you. I gotta go.
Mike Leave me alone! Get off of me!
Mike, relax!
Mike Look, I just need to know. Am I real?
Yes, you're real.
Mike Are your parents really dead? Okay, how much of everything that you've ever told me is just a complete lie?
Not everything is a lie.
Mike No, please don't use your grown-up voice with me. No, I was in love with you. I am in love with you. I don't even know who you are!
Mike No, you don't get to fake cry with me, okay. They probably train you how to do this, don't they? To **** with my emotions. Okay, well stop it. Please stop it. Hey! Stop it, okay! **** stop it!
I'm not lying anymore. Just give me one chance. I'm not going to lie to you anymore.
Mike Get out. Get out of my car.
No. No, Mike. I can't!
Mike Get out of my car, okay?
It's my **** car!
Hey. Hey, you seem, like, spooky quiet.
Mike I am spooky quiet. I'm like, I think I'm in the anaphylactic shock.
That's not what that's called.
Mike I'm trying to think of stuff, you know. Phoebe, I can't remember anything. I can't even remember where I went to school. Did I go to school?
Maybe don't think about it.
Mike Did we even talk about my parents?
Uh, your girlfriend's here. Would you ever like to see her alive again?
Mike I don't know.
So if I just took out my gun and blew her **** face off, you'd be cool with that?
Mike No, that wouldn't be cool. Is she really there with you?
Mikey? I'm sorry. But I'm the tree. I've been the tree the entire time, you're the car. Okay? I love you. So you can leave. You can go wherever you want and they will **** never...
