Mike
You know what skeeves me out, Phoebe?
Phoebe
What?
Mike
That car down there has moved so much. Like, it was built in a factory, you know, on a production line. And then it was like, shipped here.
Phoebe
And then, like, this guy drove it all over the place.
Mike
Yeah, exactly. But all the time, like for years, or really for, like, decades really, this one tree has been sitting in this one place not doing anything until tonight when it, like, stopped the car.
Phoebe
Yeah?
Mike
Okay, so this car is always going. And that tree is always just, like, stopping. You know? Like, it's just been stopping there for years until tonight when it met something that it didn't want to keep going, and it was just : like, "No! You're stopping, too"
Mike
And then this tree that has never done anything is ****, like, destroying this beautiful, really beautiful fast-moving thing.
Phoebe
Why are you crying?
Mike
Because, Phoebe, like... am I that tree?
Phoebe
No. No!
Mike
I think I'm that tree. And I think you're the car and I think I'm stopping you.
Phoebe
You are not the tree.
Mike
Okay.
Phoebe
I love you.
Phoebe
Okay, so just lead me through this one more time. Just so I'm clear.
Mike
Um, I hit him with a spoon and his lungs exploded.
Phoebe
It wasn't his lungs.
Mike
No, that's what happened. Because he couldn't breathe because I got him in the neck.
Phoebe
Yeah, your lungs aren't in your neck, they're in your chest.
Mike
I know that, Phoebe. No, I don't know that. No, I do. Phoebe, it doesn't even make any sense to me.
Phoebe
Okay. Okay, so you said something about a lady. What did she say to you?
Mike
Okay, so she said. I don't know what she said. Like, some bullshit. I don't know what she said.
Phoebe
Babe. We're in jail. So maybe just try and remember and focus and put it together. What did the lady say?
Mike
Okay, she said Mandelbrot set is in motion. Echo Choir has been breached. We are fielding the ball.
Phoebe
Mike, what the **** does that mean?
Mike
I don't know. Phoebe, I don't know but I remember it like it just happened. I remember every single thing that happened to me in the last 94 minutes. 94 minutes? How did I even get that number, Phoebe? I remember literally every single thing that happened. I can picture it all.
Mike
Yo, Phoebe, where are we going?
Phoebe
We are leaving. We are getting the **** out of town!
Mike
No, I can't leave town. You know that.
Phoebe
Well, you didn't have people trying to kill you before, I was thinking maybe that could motivate us here.
Mike
Okay, fine, so where do you want to go?
Phoebe
Oh ****, I don't know!
Mike
Alright listen. We'll take my car and we'll go to Rose's house, okay?
Phoebe
What? You want to get high right now? Mike?
Mike
No! I don't want to get high. Rose has like guns and shit, okay. He can help us hide out and I'm still in handcuffs.
Phoebe
Okay, you are not in any position to be making the plan right now.
Mike
Really? Well, who is? The cops are all dead.
Phoebe
The guy in the thing. In the cell thing, doesn't see the gun, You don't point at it and go, gun!
Mike
Okay, no I recognize that now as, like, a faux pas. I'm sorry.
Phoebe
And if someone who's trying to kill you goes "wait!" You don't go, oh what do you want to talk about?
Mike
Okay! You're right. I'm sorry. Please just don't yell at me, okay?
Mike
How did you know what that gas was?
Phoebe
Okay... I...
Mike
No, no, no. What's going on? How do you know what that gas was?
Phoebe
I don't know what's going on. But, listen. Baby. Mike, Mike, hey. I don't know what's going on! But I do know what's going on with you, okay? If you just listen. Listen!
Mike
Okay, tell me then.
Phoebe
It's not going to make any sense right now.
Mike
What is going on with me?
Phoebe
I'm your handler. I was assigned to you five years ago. Please understand, I'm CIA. Okay?
Mike
You're what?
Phoebe
Listen to me. It's okay. I've been trying to tell you this for so **** long.
Mike
Phoebe. Are you not my girlfriend?
Phoebe
Of course I'm your girlfriend, babe. That's what I'm telling you.
Mike
Please stop it. No. No, I can't even look at you. I gotta go.
Mike
Leave me alone! Get off of me!
Phoebe
Mike, relax!
Mike
Look, I just need to know. Am I real?
Phoebe
Yes, you're real.
Mike
Are your parents really dead? Okay, how much of everything that you've ever told me is just a complete lie?
Phoebe
Not everything is a lie.
Mike
No, please don't use your grown-up voice with me. No, I was in love with you. I am in love with you. I don't even know who you are!
Phoebe
[crying]
****, Mike!
Mike
No, you don't get to fake cry with me, okay. They probably train you how to do this, don't they? To **** with my emotions. Okay, well stop it. Please stop it. Hey! Stop it, okay! **** stop it!
Phoebe
I'm not lying anymore. Just give me one chance. I'm not going to lie to you anymore.
Mike
Get out. Get out of my car.
Phoebe
No. No, Mike. I can't!
Mike
Get out of my car, okay?
Phoebe
It's my **** car!
Phoebe
Hey. Hey, you seem, like, spooky quiet.
Mike
I am spooky quiet. I'm like, I think I'm in the anaphylactic shock.
Phoebe
That's not what that's called.
Mike
I'm trying to think of stuff, you know. Phoebe, I can't remember anything. I can't even remember where I went to school. Did I go to school?
Phoebe
Maybe don't think about it.
Mike
Did we even talk about my parents?
Yates
Well, if it isn't Miss Stockholm Syndrome 2010.
Phoebe
Yates. What the **** are you doing here?
Yates
Whoa. That's unprofessional.
Phoebe
Who's running this operation? Since when did desk jockeys like you run field ops?
Yates
Well, I guess that's the problem with going dark for five years. You kinda fall out of the loop on a couple things.
Phoebe
Do you have authorization at all? Where's Krueger?
Yates
Phoebe Selburg. She who'd rather suck some stoner's **** than turn herself in for debrief, is going to question my authorization? I've read your file. You have no secrets from me! Your boyfriend isn't real. We made him. Oh, I'm so sorry that some lab-rat made you **** a bunch of times in the back of a Taco Bell. Yeah, that's probably a good reason to throw away your entire life! I guess it all worked out because look where I am now. In charge of a major operation. And look where you are. Under departmental arrest for insubordination, and your face is all messed up. And I'm going to get a promotion.
Yates
Uh, your girlfriend's here. Would you ever like to see her alive again?
Mike
I don't know.
Yates
So if I just took out my gun and blew her **** face off, you'd be cool with that?
Mike
No, that wouldn't be cool. Is she really there with you?
Phoebe
Mikey? I'm sorry. But I'm the tree. I've been the tree the entire time, you're the car. Okay? I love you. So you can leave. You can go wherever you want and they will **** never...
Yates
[hangs up]
That was really **** lame.
