Jane Burnham I need a father who's a role model, not some horny geek-boy who's gonna spray his shorts every time I bring a girlfriend home from school.
4th most-quoted character in American Beauty (1999): in 22 of its 102 quotes
Most scenes with: Buddy King (10), Ricky Fitts (4), Angela Hayes (4)
Well...now I too need structure. And **** discipline!
More lines from Jane Burnham
10 quotes Jane Burnham Jane Burnham I know you think my dad's harmless, but you're wrong.
Jane Burnham [Answering Ricky's question if she wants him to kill Lester]
Yeah. Would you?
Jane Burnham Look mom, I really don't feel like having a Kodak moment here, okay?
Jane Burnham Well then, I guess I'm not a very nice girl then, am I?
Jane Burnham [To Lester]
What do you expect? You can't just suddenly become my best friend because you've had a bad day! I mean, come on...you've barely spoken to me for months.
Jane Burnham Dad! You stare at her all the time! Like you're drunk! It's disgusting!
Jane Burnham It would be nice if I was nearly as important to him as she is...
Jane Burnham Mom, do we ALWAYS have to listen to this elavator music?
Jane Burnham Then so am I! And we'll always be freaks and we'll never be like other people and you'll never be a freak because you're just too... perfect.
Scenes with Jane Burnham
11 scenes
Are you trying to look unattractive?
Jane Yes.
Well, congratulations. You've succeeded admirably.
It's like God's looking right at you, just for a second, and if you're careful you can look right back.
Jane And what do you see?
Beauty.
Jane [On Lester]
Could he be any more pathetic?
I think it's sweet. And I think he and your mother have not had sex in a long time.
Jane [Referring to Lester]
He has this crush on my friend Angela and it's disgusting.
You'd rather he had the crush on you?
Jane No! But it would be nice if I was anywhere near as important to him as she is...
So Janie, how was school?
Jane It was okay.
Just okay?
Jane [sarcastically]
No dad, it was spectacular.
So, you're **** psycho-boy on a regular basis now? Tell me, has he got a big dick?
Jane It's not like that.
What, hasn't he got one?
Jane I'm not going to talk about his dick with you, OK?
Jane I don't think we can be friends anymore.
You're way too uptight about sex.
Jane Just don't **** my dad, all right? Please?
Why not?
Jane Then so am I! And we'll always be freaks and we'll never be like other people and you'll never be a freak because you're just too... perfect!
Jane [referring to Lester]
Somebody should just put him out of his misery.
Do you want me to kill him?
Jane Yeah, would you?
You know, that's not a very nice thing to do. Hiring somone to kill your dad.
Jane Well then I guess I'm not a very nice girl then, am I?
Janes
[Eating at table with parents listening to Bali Ha'i]
Mom, do we always have to listen to this elevator music?
No. No, we don't. As soon as you've prepared a nutritious yet savory meal that I'm about to eat, you can listen to whatever you like.
Jane
[Suspiciously]
It was okay.
Just okay?
Jane
No, Dad. It was spec... tac... ular.
[Pause]
Well, you want to know how things went at my job today? Now she looks at him as if he's lost his mind. They've hired this efficiency expert, this really friendly guy named Brad, how perfect is that? And he's basically there to make it seem like they're justified in firing somebody, because they couldn't just come right out and say that, could they? No, no, that would be too... honest. And so they've asked us-- [referring to Jane's mockingly indifferent face] you couldn't possibly care any less, could you?
Jane
Well, what do you expect? You can't all of a sudden be my best friend, just because you had a bad day. [Gets up from table and walks to kitchen] I mean, hello. You've barely even spoken to me for months.
What?! [Lester silently stares down] WHAT?!
