David Carlton
I think we should "keep it real."
A line from David Carlton
[to Ali]
You know, you are unbelievably stupid.
More lines from David Carlton
3 quotes David Carlton
David Carlton
Now, I am going to shoot you!
David Carlton
(after Ali G and his gang break into Downing Street)
This is a terrorist attack, shoot on sight!
Scenes with David Carlton
4 scenes David Carlton
Ali, have you ever considered becoming a member of Parliament?
Ali G
What me wanna do that for? It's full of pricks!
David Carlton
That's a little harsh. I'm an MP, am I a prick?
Ali G
(non-chalantly)
Yes.
David Carlton
Tell me, Ali, do you have a job?
Ali G
Unfortunately, I is recently gone on the dole...
David Carlton
Really? When?
Ali G
Eight years and three months ago.
David Carlton
Says here you claim disability benefit, are you...?
Ali G
Yes, I is actually spasticated. I is got a terrible DJ-ing injury. I still ain't got full mobility in me main mixing finger.
Ali G
(Starts to air-mix, winces, feigns pain and stops. Ali notices Carlton's sexy secretary watching, so he points at his crotch.)
Everything down here's still working though... oh yes!
David Carlton
(Reading a speech Ali wrote)
As of twelve o'clock all Rizlas will be free. To discourage their use, there will be a 25p-per-pound levy on panties. This will exclude thongs. Marijuana will be available on the NHS to treat chronic diseases such as itchy scrot. Furthermore, I am a bell-end...
Ali G
HAHAHAHAHA, HAHA!
David Carlton
Look, Prime Minister, I really can't be expected to...
Prime Minister
Go on now, David!
David Carlton
(reluctantly)
I like to take it up the batty. Yes, I do. It feel very nice, and is me favourite. I used to be a girl and wear knicks. Honest. Ask my mum!
Minister
(Ali gets up from his seat and slowly walks down the aisle as all ministers argue)
Will the member for Staines return to his seat!?!
Prime Minister
(the Prime Minister notices)
What's he doing?
David Carlton
Uh, I don't know, Prime Minister.
Ali G
(Ali walks up to the shouting minister and calmly puts his finger on his lips to shush him)
Look at you all! All you ever do all day long is cuss each other! R-E-S-T-E-C-P. Do you have any idea what that spells?
Minister
Restecp?
Ali G
(confused)
Yes. Restecp.
Prime Minister
Restecp?
Ali G
How can you all not be restecp-ing each other, when you doesn't restecp each other in here?
Minister
Sergeant, eject this gentleman!
Ali G
(hurriedly)
You wanna know 'ow I make diz country bettah? Iz simple, two words: "Keep it real!"
Minister
(thinking quick)
That's three words!
Ali G
Don't be a spannah — "It" ain't a real word — it's short for "innit", innit? Keep it real! Keep it real!
Minister
The member for Staines will be banned from the House!
Ali G
Is it because I is black?
