Dane Cook movie quotes

View Quote Time to eat my dust!

View Quote Are you crying?

View Quote Whoa, look at this crowd!

View Quote Mitch: Dad, Mom, what do you think of...?

Mr. Burns: Mitch, it's just too soon to tell!

Mrs. Burns: That said...she's bright, lovely, adorable, and if you botch this up, we'll keep her and get rid of you.

View Quote Dan: I'm sorry. I was way, way out of line.

Mitch: No. You're never out of line, you're my brother.

Dan: I think you'll understand when I--

Mitch: Look, bro, there's nothing you could say or do that could upset me.

Dan: The woman I met, at the book store--

Mitch: [raises his hand and Dan stops] When you were talking about the other girls, I realized what I feel for Marie is different. You know that feeling in um...your...

Dan: Your heart.

Mitch: Yeah, your heart. And your heart is...

Dan: It's pounding.

Mitch: yes.

Dan: Like it's right outside of your ribs.

Mitch: Yeah.

Dan: And it feels exposed and vulnerable, wonderful and awful, and heartsick, and alive all at the same time.

Mitch: Yes! What do you call that?

Dan: Love.

View Quote Mrs Burns: Dan, hi.

Dan: Hey.

Mrs. Burns: Honey, you know we're worried about you. You know that.

Mr. Burns: And with your behavior last night and this morning, we are now officially worried.

Dan: Well, I'm touched but, but, I'm fine.

[Aunt 1 and Uncle 1 enter]

Mrs. Burns: We're having a discussion.

Dan: No, no, come on in.

Mrs. Burns: Dan, this is private, we'd like to talk to you.

Dan: Go ahead.

Mrs. Burns: You know, you do so much for your girls, you do so much for all of us. But what are you doing for yourself?

[Aunt 2, Uncle 2, and daughter enter]

Dan: Come on in.

Aunt 2: Can we come in?

Dan: It's fine. Stay please.

Mrs. Burns: We'd like to speak to you privately.

Dan: Go ahead, mom.

Daughter: Grandma?

Mrs. Burns: Yes, dear?

Daughter: Is this because Uncle Dan's acting so weird?

Uncle 2: Yes, and you know, there's an explanation for all that weirdness.

Dan: Please, tell us!

Uncle 2: And I just wanted to talk to you: You have got to be WAY backed up, and I just hope that form time to time, you're treating yourself to a little self love.

All: Oh, come on!

Uncle 2: I talked to my neurologist about this!

Mr. Burns: That's enough!

Mrs. Burns: That's not what this is about!

Aunt 1: The one question that no one will ask is: will Dan ever find love again?

Uncle 1: No, he won't.

Mrs. Burns: Howard!

Uncle 1: No, I'm sorry, he won't. If you're open to it, love will find you.

[Marie and Mitch enter]

Dan: Oh, perfect. [laughs]

Uncle 2: I don't know if I was being clear before, but you've got to unclog that drain.

Dan: Uh-huh.

Uncle: Unplug that bottle...I think I mixed the metaphor there.

Dan: So far what you've missed is; worried, love will find, unplug the drain. Well, thanks we are done!

Mrs. Burns: No, no. That is not it. We met Margo Draper's daughter at the farmer's market and she asked all about you.

Mr. Burns: You see Danny, you have to have a little fun.

Mrs. Burns: Which means she's going to pick you up, and you're going to have drinks! You're going on a date!

Dan: No mom!

Mrs. Burns: Yes, honey! It's TIME.

Mitch: Ruthy 'Pig-face' Draper? Come on mom!

Mrs. Burns: She's not a Pig-face!

Uncle 2: Ruthy 'Pig-face' Draper...come on that is downright cruel!

Dan: Mom, I don't even remember Ruthy 'Pig-face' Draper. I don't wanna go! I don't want to go with...the...pig-face!

View Quote Sir yes sir! Blue cheese for you stat! Have a good day big guy.

View Quote Yes Masta..Right away, Masta..Ain't gonna be no bacon on the salad, Masta...no bacon..oh no no no.

View Quote Welcome to the Thunderdome, bitch!

View Quote If Blade was such a big TV star, what is he doing here?

View Quote Windlifter, I can do it.

View Quote I just... I wish there was... You know, I just wish there was something I could do.