Chris Elliott movie quotes

View Quote People just don't understand what is involved in this. This an art-form! You know, I think that most people just think that I hold a camera and point at stuff, but there is a heck of a lot more to it than just that.

View Quote [Phil drives a truck off a cliff] He might be ok. [explosion] Well, no, probably not now.

View Quote He's out of his gourd!

View Quote Well, use your imagination.

View Quote Listen, why don't you sit her down and tell her that if anything ever happens to you, I will take care of her, okay? I will raise her, I will nurture her, I will love her, and then when she's 16, I'll boot her out the door.

View Quote Hey, Shane, how about a hug for your Uncle Bob? [Shane walks out of the house] Okay, nice talking to you, too. [Frank burps] Hey, muscles! You don't look so good.

View Quote Here you've been in therapy, you know, thinking you blew it with the greatest girl ever, and really it turns out that getting your dick stuck in your zipper was the best thing that ever happened to you.

View Quote Dom: You choke the chicken before any big date, don't you? Tell me you spank the monkey before any big date. Oh my God, he doesn't flog the dolphin before a big date. Are you crazy? That's like going out there with a loaded gun! Of course that's why you're nervous. Oh my dear friend, please sit, please. Look, um, after you've had sex with a girl, and you're lying in bed with her, are you nervous? No, you're not, why?
Ted: 'Cause I'm tired...
Dom: Wrong! It's 'cause you ain't got the baby batter on the brain anymore! Jesus, that stuff will **** your head up! Look, the most honest moment in a man's life are the few minutes after he's blown his load - now that is a medical fact. And the reason for it is that you're no longer trying to get laid, you're actually...you're thinking like a girl, and girls love that.