Knocked Up

Knocked Up quotes

78 total quotes (ID: 324)

Allison Scott
Ben Stone
Fantasy Baseball Guy

Hey Crocket, how's Tubbs doing?

Hey, Jay, do you use that Canadian leaf tattoo as like a cum target? How many points do you get for hitting the stem, like a million?

How did it feel changing your name from Cat Stevens to Yusef Islam?

I always aim right.

I can't be letting your old ass in here. Why don't you go do some yoga and shit.

I could smoke weed, every second, of everyday.

I farted on Jason's pillow, he farted on Jonah's thinking it was mine, and eventually pink-eyed my pillow. I'm not proud of any of this.

I know. You’re right. I'm so sorry. I ****in' hate this job. I don't wanna be the one to pass judgement, decide who gets in. Shit makes me sick to my stomach, I get the runs from the stress. It's not cause you're not hot, I would love to tap that ass. I would tear that ass up. I can't let you in cause you're old as ****. For this club, you know, not for the earth.

I think it's Matisyahu.

I went where I went Jason!

I will **** my bong. Doggy-style, for once. (gives Alison the middle finger as he walks out of the OB/GYN office)

I'll see you later. (to Alison at the first bar encounter) No I won't, 'cause I'm a pussy.

I'm going to murderball you!

I'm gonna thrown you in my DeLorean and gun it to 88.

I'm not having SHIT right now besides a ****ing panic attack!