Knocked Up

Knocked Up quotes

78 total quotes (ID: 324)

Allison Scott
Ben Stone
Fantasy Baseball Guy

If any of us get laid tonight, it's because of Eric Bana in "Munich."

It cures everything. My buddy Jonah broke his elbow one time. He just got high. It still clicks, but it's cool.

It's the baseball draft honey, I got Matsui!

Man, my balls are shaved, my pubes are trimmed, I'm ready to ****ing rock this shit!

Marriage is like a tense, unfunny version of Everybody Loves Raymond, only it doesn't last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.

Nice. You are such an asshole. You know what? Go--go **** your ****ing bong!

No pink eye for me. I'm just really high!

Oh God, they go apeshit over bubbles. I mean, that’s an incredible thing about a child. What’s so great about bubbles? I wish I liked anything as much as my kids like bubbles. It’s totally sad; their smiling faces point out your inability to enjoy anything.

See ya... Scorcese on coke

She like'a da way ya dick taste.

Steely Dan can gargle my balls.

Thanks for the free money, bitch.

That my friend, is how you get pink eye.

There are FIVE different kinds of chairs in this hotel room.

Was your vagina drunk?! Did you think it's the thinnest condom on Earth I have on, I'm a ****ing inventor?! I made a dick-skin condom?! "He hollowed out a penis and put it on." What the ****?!