Knocked Up

Knocked Up quotes

78 total quotes (ID: 324)

Allison Scott
Ben Stone
Fantasy Baseball Guy

Debbie: We have to help them raise the baby.
Pete: Well...****!!

Jay: I'm going to be there to rear your child.
Jason: You hear that, Ben? Don't let him near the kid, he wants to rear your child!

Jay: You're embarrassing me in company!
Jonah: You embarrass yourself!

Martin: Do you ever get so bored you stare at your balls?
Jonah: I bet you do late John Lennon.

Martin: I think he's using the dice move a bit too much.
Jay: I think that's pretty much all he's got.

Sadie: I googled murder.

Sadie: Where do babies come from?
Debbie: Where do you think they come from?
Sadie: Well. I think a stork, he umm, he drops it down and then, and then, a hole goes in your body and there's blood everywhere, coming out of your head and then you push your belly button and then your butt falls off and then you hold your butt and you have to dig and you find the little baby.
Debbie: That's exactly right.

(In Alison's bed) **** off, Martin!

(with a gas mask with an attached bong to his face) I am your stoner!

Are you the lady who doesn't realize she's pregnant until she's sitting on the toilet and the kid pops out?

Don't let the door hit you in the vagina on the way out.

Don't masturbate with a noose. If you do, use a spotter or a teammate.

Dude, it's not herpes if it's everywhere.

**** me in the beard.

He's playing fetch... with my kids... he's treating my kids like they're dogs.