"Great, give me that line".

(After Jay has announced that he has shaved his pubic area) What the fuck, man?! If I go in there and see fucking pubes sprinkled all over the toilet seat, I'm gonna fucking lose my mind! Last time I went to the bathroom, Jay, I took a shit and my shit looked like a fucking stuffed animal!

(ordering beer) "You can't get service, what am I gonna do?"

Alison: BOOBS! BOOBS and BUSH!
Ben: Alriiight, credit bush! That's the best, we're not even five minutes in.

Alison: I'm pregnant.
Ben: Fuck off!
Alison: What?
Ben: What?
Alison: I'm pregnant.
Ben: Pregnant... with emotion?
Alison: Pregnant with a baby.

Alison: I'm sorry I told you to fuck your bong.
Ben: It's okay... I didn't...

Alison: What if this was our second date, what would we do?
Ben: BJ?

Ben Stone: [Ben knocks on the door at Sadie's birthday party and Sadie answers] Hey! What up dogg?
Sadie: Where have you been?
Ben Stone: Oh, you know... Around.
Sadie: Why is everyone so mad at you?
Ben Stone: They are? What are they saying?
Sadie: Oh, you know. Blah, blah, blah. Ben's a prick. What's that mean?
Ben Stone: Penis. It means penis.
Sadie: Penis. [Sadie nods her head and then giggles]

Ben: Do you want to do it doggie style?
Alison: No I do not want you to fuck me like a dog.
Ben: It's doggie style. It's just in the style. We don't have to go outside or anything.

Ben: Our baby is going to be French Canadian.
Alison: And a little bit Spanish...?
Ben: Yeah, I'm not very good with impressions.

Ben:I assumed you were wearing a patch, or like a, like a dental dam, or one of those fuckin' butterfly clips or something--
Alison: What? What the hell is a dental dam?
Ben: It's like saran wrap, it's disgusting, but I thought you had one!

Debbie: (crying) I like Spiderman!
Pete: Okay, then let's go see Spiderman 3 next week.
Debbie: I don't wanna see Spiderman! I don't want to have to ask you to ask me!! I want you to think of it yourself!
Pete: Look, I don't even know what I'm supposed to say to you.
Debbie: You think that just because you don't yell, you're not mean?! This is mean!!

Debbie: Hey, I have a great idea. Why don't the two of you go into your time machines and go back in time and fuck each other?
Pete: Who needs a time machine?
Ben: [Holds up a glass of liquor] This is my time machine man.
Pete: I'm gonna throw you into my De Lorean, gun it to 88!

Debbie: I gotta go, Sadie might have the chicken pox.
Jason: I had the chicken pox THREE times. I have no immunity to it.
Ben: We don't have the heart to tell him it's herpes.
Jason: It's not herpes if it's everywhere.

Debbie: Look, here are all the sex offenders in our neighborhood.
Pete: Looks like your computer has chicken pox.
Debbie: These are SEX OFFENDERS. They live in our NEIGHBORHOOD.
Pete: Well, we'll skip their houses when we go trick-or-treating. What do you want me to do? Form a posse? (to Ben) I got my six shooter. Ya got your lynchin' rope?
Debbie: If I didn't care about these things, you wouldn't care about anything. Care more.