Knocked Up quotes

78 total quotes

Allison Scott
Ben Stone
Debbie
Doorman
Fantasy Baseball Guy

Jason
Jay
Jonah
Martin
Pete

View Quote You can't buy shit! You can barely buy spaghetti!

View Quote (ordering beer) "You can't get service, what am I gonna do?"

View Quote "Great, give me that line".

View Quote Man, my balls are shaved, my pubes are trimmed, I'm ready to ****ing rock this shit!

View Quote I farted on Jason's pillow, he farted on Jonah's thinking it was mine, and eventually pink-eyed my pillow. I'm not proud of any of this.

View Quote I always aim right.

View Quote Don't masturbate with a noose. If you do, use a spotter or a teammate.

View Quote I'm going to murderball you!

View Quote Hey, Jay, do you use that Canadian leaf tattoo as like a **** target? How many points do you get for hitting the stem, like a million?

View Quote I went where I went Jason!

View Quote Hey Crocket, how's Tubbs doing?

View Quote How did it feel changing your name from Cat Stevens to Yusef Islam?

View Quote See ya... Scorcese on coke

View Quote I could smoke weed, every second, of everyday.

View Quote She like'a da way ya dick taste.