Interviewer
So you like the killing [on television]
Mike Teevee
That's what life's all about! But my dad won't let me have a real gun yet, will you, pop?
Not 'till you're twelve, son.
Willy Wonka
Gene Wilder · 58 quotes
Veruca Salt
Julie Dawn Cole · 15 quotes
Charlie Bucket
Peter Ostrum · 11 quotes
Grandpa Joe
Jack Albertson · 10 quotes
Oompa Loompas
8 quotes
Mrs. Teevee
Nora Denney · 4 quotes
Sam Beauregarde
Leonard Stone · 4 quotes
Violet Beauregarde
Denise Nickerson · 4 quotes
Mr. Turkentine
David Battley · 3 quotes
Stanley Kael, Second News Anchorman
3 quotes
First News Anchorman
1 quote
Most scenes together: Willy Wonka & Veruca Salt (9), Willy Wonka & Grandpa Joe (7), Grandpa Joe & Charlie Bucket (7)
Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory quotes
Page 2 of 7
Mr. Salt
Come along! Come along, you girls! Put a jack in it! Or you'll be out in your ears! Every one of ya! And listen to this! The 1st girl that finds a Golden Ticket gets a £1 bonus in her pay packet! What do you think of that?!
[every worker cheers and gets back to work faster]
They're not even trying. They don't want to find it. They're jealous of me.
Mr. Salt
Sweetheart, I can't push them no harder. 19,000 bars an hour they're shelling. 760,000 they've done so far!
You promised, Daddy! You promised I'd have it the very first day!
Mrs. Salt
You're going to be very unpopular around her, Henry, if you don't deliver soon.
Mr. Salt
It breaks my heart, Henrietta. I hate to see her unhappy.
I won't talk to you ever again. You're a rotten, mean father! You never give me anything I want! And I won't go to school until I have it.
Mr. Salt
Veruca, sweetheart, angel. Now, there are four tickets left in the world, and the whole ruddy world's hunting for them!! What can I do?!
Mr. Salt
What is this Wonka, some kind of fun house?
Why? Having fun?
Mr. Salt
Wonka, how much do you want for the golden goose?
They're not for sale.
Mr. Salt
Name your price.
She can't have one.
Who says I can't?!
Mr. Salt
The man with the funny hat.
Charlie Bucket, how many did you open?
Two.
That's easy. Two hundred is twice one hundred--
Not two-hundred, just two.
TWO?! What do you mean you only opened two?!
I don't care very much for chocolate.
WELL I CAN'T FIGURE OUT JUST TWO!! So let's pretend you opened TWO HUNDRED! Now, if you opened two hundred Wonka bars, apart from getting dreadfully sick, you would have used up twenty percent of one thousand, which is fifteen percent half over again, ten percent...
I've just decided to switch our Friday schedule to Monday, which means that the test we take each Friday on what we learned during the week will now take place on Monday before we've learned it. But since today is Tuesday, it doesn't matter in the slightest. Pencils ready!
That's right, you don't know because only I know. If you knew and I didn't know then you'd be teaching me instead of me teaching you, and for a student to be teaching his teacher is presumptuous and rude. Do I make my self clear?
Yes, sir!
Mrs. Gloop My son! He'll be made into marshmallows in five seconds!
Impossible, my dear lady! That's absurd! Unthinkable!
Mrs. Gloop Why?!
Because that pipe doesn't go to the marshmallow room, it goes to the fudge room.
Mrs. Gloop You terrible man!
Come on, Violet. We're getting out of here.
Oh, you can't get out backwards. You've got to go forwards to go back, better press on.
Tinker [quoting William Allingham's poem "The Fairies"]
Up the airy mountain, and down the rushy glen/We dare not go hunting, for fear of little men. Nobody ever goes in. (pointing at Wonka's factory) And nobody ever comes out!
TV Reporter
Augustus, how does it make you feel to find the Golden Ticket?
Augustus Gloop Hungry.
TV Reporter
Any other feelings?
Augustus Gloop Feel sorry for Wonka. It's going to cost him a fortune in fudge.
[Wonka has just handed Everlasting Gobstoppers out to all the remaining kids]
Hey, she's got two! I want another one!
Stop squawking, you twit!
Everybody has had one and one is enough for anybody. Now come along. Now over here, if you'll follow me, I have something rather special to show you.
Mr. Salt
Well, it's special, all right. I hope my Veruca doesn't want one. [he laughs]
I wanted to be the first to find a Golden Ticket, Daddy.
Mr. Salt
I know, angel. We're doing the best we can. I've got every girl in the bleeding stockroom hunting for you.
All right! Where is it?! Why haven't they found it?
Mr. Salt
Veruca, sweetheart. I'm not a magician! Give me time!
I want it now! What's the matter with those twerps down there!?
Mr. Salt
For 5 days now, the entire flipping factory's been on the job! They haven't shelled a peanut in there since Monday! They've been shelling flaming chocolate bars from dawn to dusk!
Make 'em work nights!
Well they can't be real people.
Well of course they're real people.
Mr. Salt
Stuff and nonsense.
No, Oompa Loompas.
The Group
Oompa Loompas?
From Loompaland.
Loompaland? There's no such place.
Excuse me, dear lady...
Mr. Wonka, I am a teacher of geography.
Oh, well then you know all about it and what a terrible country it is. Nothing but desolate wastes and fierce beasts. And the poor little Oompa Loompas were so small and helpless, they would get gobbled up right and left. A Wangdoodle would eat ten of them for breakfast and think nothing of it. And so, I said, "Come and live with me in peace and safety, away from all the Wangdoodles and Hornswogglers and Snozzwangers and rotten Vermicious Knids."
Mr. Salt
Snozzwangers? Vermicious Knids? What kind of rubbish is that?
I'm sorry, but all questions must be submitted in writing. And so, in the greatest of secrecy I transported the entire population of Oompa Loompas to my factory here.
Hey, Daddy, I want an Oompa Loompa. I want you to get me an Oompa Loompa right away.
Mr. Salt
All right, Veruca, all right. I'll get you one before the day is out.
I want an Oompa Loompa now!
Can it, you nit!
[puts his hand on the Evelasting Gobstopper that Charlie has just given up to him, while writing]
So shines a good deed in a weary world. [looks up] Charlie? My boy. You've WON! You DID it! You DID it!! Oh, I just KNEW you would, I JUST KNEW YOU WOULD!! Oh, Charlie, forgive me for putting you through this, please forgive me. Mr. Wilkinson, would you come in here please? [The man originally known as Slugworth walks in.] Charlie, meet Mr. Wilkinson!
Slugworth (now known as Wilkinson)
Pleasure.
Slugworth...?!
No! That's not Slugworth. He works for me!
For you?!
I had to test you, Charlie. And you passed the test! You WON!
Won what?
The JACKPOT, my dear sir, the GRAND AND GLORIOUS JACKPOT!
The chocolate?
The chocolate, the chocolate, yes, but that's just the beginning!! Come, we have so little to do and so much time! Strike that...reverse it.