Robert quotes from Time Bandits (1981)

Evil

What sort of Supreme Being created such riffraff? Is this not the workings of a complete incompetent?

But He created you, Evil One!

Evil

What did you say?

Well He created you, so He can't be totally— [Evil blows him to bits]

Evil

Never talk to me like that again! No one created me! I am Evil. Evil existed long before good. I made myself. I cannot be unmade. I am all powerful! [Minions applaud]

But why, if that's the case, are you unable to escape from this fortress? [Evil obliterates him]

Evil

It's a good question. Why have I let the Supreme Being keep me here in the Fortress of Ultimate Darkness?

Robert

Because you—

Evil

Shut up. I'm speaking rhetorically.

Robert

Oh, of course.

Evil

I let Him keep me here in order to lull Him into a false sense of security.

Evil

When I have the map, I will be free, and the world will be different, because I have understanding.

Uh, understanding of what, Master?

Evil

Digital watches. And soon I shall have understanding of video cassette recorders and car telephones. And when I have understanding of them, I shall have understanding of computers. And when I have understanding of computers, I shall be the Supreme Being! God isn't interested in technology. He knows nothing of the potential of the microchip or the silicon revolution. Look how He spends His time! Forty-three species of parrots! Nipples for men!

Robert

Slugs.

Evil

Slugs! He created slugs. They can't hear! They can't speak! They can't operate machinery! I mean, are we not in the hands of a lunatic?... If I were creating a world, I wouldn't mess about with butterflies and daffodils. I would have started with lasers, eight o'clock, day one! [accidentally zaps a minion, who screams] Sorry.

Evil

Suddenly, I feel very, very good.

Robert

Oh, I'm sorry, Master.

Evil

No, it'll pass, it'll pass.

Benson

Shall I bring them in, Master?

Evil

Yes, Benson. Bring them into the Time of Legends!