“Excuse me, would it be possible for my daughter to use your restroom?...” – Father, This Is the End ... Movie Quotes Database

Father

[Jay and Seth are at convenience store on Melrose Avenue. Jay wanted to get cigarettes, as he wanted an excuse to leave Franco's party, feeling uncomfortable. There are several other people in the Store, including a Grumpy cashier, a Father and Daughter, and two other customers, one is a priest.]

Excuse me, would it be possible for my daughter to use your restroom? She's really got to go.

Cashier

Read the sign. Customers only.

Father

Seriously?

Cashier

Why the **** you think I put up the sign?

Daughter

It's okay, Dad. I can hold it.

Father

Let's just buy something for your mother.

Seth Rogen

(watching the conversation)

This cash register lady is mean! I have anxiety. Will you buy this for me? (Shows Jay a Milky Way) When I'm stoned, I can't do this.

Jay Baruchel

I think I'm just gonna head back to your place. I'm not really liking it very much over there at Franco's.

Seth Rogen

Dude, I want you to get to know these guys. That's never gonna happen if you don't put in any effort whatsoever, okay?

Jay Baruchel

I hate it in there. I just want to drink some pop and smoke some weed...
[Without warning there's an explosive BOOM. All the windows shatter in the store. A massive Earthquake strikes. Everyone is knocked off their feet. A shelf falls on Seth. Jay manages to regain his footing, he looks outside to see the whole block shaking. Suddenly, four gigantic beams of blue light burn through the ceiling. They shine down on the Father, Daughter, the priest and the other customer. The Cashier is in a total panic. Seth can't see what's going on underneath the fallen shelf. Like an alien tractor beam, all four people slowly lift off the ground. Jay can't believe his eyes. The four people are sucked up by the beams, through the holes in the ceiling, and into the sky. The light fades as they disappear. Jay looks outside to see, it's not just happening in their store. On all of Melrose Avenue, hundreds of people are getting sucked up into the sky by gigantic beams of blue light, some being lifted off the sidewalk, drivers being sucked out of moving cars, and lifting people out of buildings as the lights one by one take a human and fade as they disappear into the sky. The shaking finally stops. This is no Earthquake or aliens. It's the Rapture. Everybody who has been sucked up into the sky is on their way to heaven, because these people had good, kind, and selfless hearts. Anyone not sucked up are selfish and unkind. Seth manages to pick himself up. He hasn't seen any of the rapture. Only Jay did.]

Seth Rogen

Are you okay?

Cashier

(freaking out)

DID YOU JUST SEE THAT?! WHAT THE HELL...

Jay Baruchel

[Before she can finish, a giant air conditioning unit falls through the ceiling (having been weakened by the Rapture Beams burning through it) and crushes her. Seth and Jay panic. ]

OH MY GOD!! JESUS!! JESUS!!!

Seth Rogen

[Both sprint out of the store, Seth through the door, Jay through one of the broken windows. Outside, it's pure mayhem, with the "damned" civilians (as they were not brought to Heaven because they lacked good hearts), running everywhere in panic]

Oh my god, run! RUN! This way!!

Jay Baruchel

Jesus, okay! Okay! AAGGH!!!

Seth Rogen

[Both scream as headlights are seen speeding at them. They barely dodge an out-of-control car, with no driver inside and a hole in it's roof (as the driver had been raptured while behind the wheel). The vehicle jumps the curb and crashes straight into the convenience store the two actors just left, destroying it.]

OH SHIT!!

Jay Baruchel

OH MY GOD!!

Jay Baruchel

[Both yelp hearing a horn honk. Another car speeds down the street a breakneck speed, the driver obviously in a complete state of panic. The car accidentally mows down a pedestrian. Jay and Seth scream, and run down the streets, which have been destroyed by the chaos and blue beams, as they burnt through everything, and other cars have crashed, their drivers having been raptured.]

JESUS CHRIST, WHY THE **** DID YOU BRING ME DOWN HERE?!?!

Seth Rogen

GAAH, I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING, SHIT SHIT!!!

Seth Rogen

[Dashing amidst the panicking crowd, both are nearly hit with sparks from a downed powerline. A panicked Taxi driver honks at the actors to get out of the way, obviously trying to escape the area. As it passes by the actors, it's seen that several fires have broken out.]

We're going back to Franco's!!

Jay Baruchel

WHY?!

Seth Rogen

Just trust me, keep running!

Jay Baruchel

[The taxi heads through an intersection, and is T-Boned by another car who's driver had been raptured. It explodes in flames, incinerating him.] [Reacting to the crash]

OH MY ****!!!

Seth Rogen

WE ARE GOING BACK TO FRANCO'S!!

Jay Baruchel

Oh, goddamnit!!
[The two sprint to Franco's home, not stopping until they reach it. When they arrive, everyone's still partying. No one has any idea what just happened outside.]

In this scene

More from This Is the End