Ted 2 (2015) · 29 quotes
4th most-quoted character in Ted 2 (2015): in 3 of its 29 quotes
Most scenes with: Ted (3)
Tami-Lynn What's the matter?
That can't be normal! He's gotta be sick!
Tami-Lynn He's not sick; it's just baby doodie.
Yeah, that's what babies do, Teddy.
Oh, you don't think this diaper's gross?
No.
All right, here. Catch. [throws diaper at John, offscreen, and a squish is heard]
OH, TEDDY! WHAT THE ****?! [everyone screams in disgust; Ted laughs] HOLY SHIT! OH, YOU MOTHER****ER!
Hey, I'm starving. What the hell are you doing over there?
Tami-Lynn I'm curing cancer. I'm cooking your **** steak. What do you think I'm doing?
What do I think you're doing? I think you're bleeding us dry, is what I think you're doing. Look at this, look at this: $129 at Filene's Basement. What are you buying over there, Tami? Gold bars?
Tami-Lynn I need clothes for work, all right, Teddy?
You wear a smock. You're a **** cashier.
Tami-Lynn Yeah? So are you.
Yeah, exactly, and I'm not going out and buying designer shit.
Tami-Lynn Oh, no, no, no, no! You're just buying weed. You're just buying drugs. You should **** talk!
I was talking. I was just talking, just now, until you interrupted me.
Tami-Lynn Well, I have to interrupt you or else I never get to **** say anything!
Are you gonna let me finish talking?
Tami-Lynn You're always cutting me off!
Are you gonna let me finish talking?
Tami-Lynn It's important to look good at work, okay?
Are you gonna let me finish talking?
Tami-Lynn I am trying to climb the corporate fence here!
Nobody's in there to look at your ass!
Tami-Lynn You're acting like an asshole, all right?!
Oh, what am I actin' like, Tami?! What am I acting like?!
Tami-Lynn Like an asshole! That's what you're acting like!
You don't gotta dress like Elizabeth Taylor to put a yam in a plastic bag!
Tami-Lynn I am the face of the business, okay? So get the **** off my case!
The face of the business? Jesus Christ! Listen to you! You're delusional!
Tami-Lynn I should've married Robert DiCicco. I really should've.
Fine! Fine! Go torture that asshole!
Tami-Lynn He treated me good. And... [Just then, Tami-Lynn mock gasps] He had a dick! He had an awesome dick!
Oh, newsflash: Boston whore has seen Italian penis! [Hearing this makes Tami-Lynn looks pissed.]
Tami-Lynn What the **** did you just call me?! [She grabs the frying pan quickly.] ****ER?! [She angrily throws the pan at Ted]
I said, "Boston--" [avoids getting hit by pan; shocked] What the ****?!
Tami-Lynn You wanna call me a "whore"?! [she throws a toaster, but Ted avoids it]
Tami-Lynn Yeah, I wanna **** throw shit!
I'll **** throw shit! [He angrily throws bottle at wall, breaking it] There, see?! How do you like that?! [Ted then angrily tips the table]
Tami-Lynn Oh, I'm scared, Teddy! I'm really **** scared of you, you little **** bear!
Neighbor; [sternly, yelling from outside startling Ted.] Shut the **** up!
Oh, for Christ's sake. [Then, he opens the window and yells] Hey, you shut the **** up!
Why don't you come down and make me, tough guy?!
Yeah, why don't you come up here and make me come down there, tough guy?!
I am gonna come up there, and I'm gonna kick your **** ass!
Why don't you try it, asshole? Get your ass up here and kick my ass!
Shut the **** up, you stupid BITCH!
Hey, shut up, lady!
Run the **** back to Russia, *YOU BITCH*!
This is a classy neighborhood! People are trying TO sleep!
Shut the **** up! [Another neighbor firmly closes the window; to Ted] Hey, I'm really sorry!
Yeah, me too.
She's worse than us.
Yeah, she's our enemy now.
"Dear Ted, your Chase Bank account has been terminated due to a lack of citizenship." "Dear Ted, your Discover card has been revoked." "Dear Ted, you are no longer a Papa Gino's rewards member." ****, that's a big one.
Tami-Lynn This poor baby booty. It's always gonna be empty. There's never gonna be a little foot in here.
I don't understand. We would have made such great parents.
Tami-Lynn Oh, my God. Oh, my God, Teddy!
Tami-Lynn Look at this. [reads it] "Dear Ted, the state of Massachusetts regrets to inform you that due to an oversight regarding your legal status, your marriage to Tami-Lynn McCafferty is unrecognized by the state, and, therefore, invalid and hereby annulled." Teddy, can they do this to us?
