N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z #

View Quote [At the morgue]
Chief Boyardie: This won't be easy, but you boys know all the surfers in this area and I need identification. [lifts up sheet revealing corpse] Well, there it is.
Bob: What is it?
Chief Boyardie: Surfers. Two, maybe three. What's left of them.
Chuck: What happened?
Chief Boyardie: We're not sure. One thing's certain, it wasn't suicide.
Chuck: How do you know?
Chief Boyardie: There's no motive. Besides, it's impossible to cut off your own arms and legs...and head.
Coroner: Haven't seen a mess like this since the days of the early Cuisinarts.
View Quote [Johnny Big Head cuts off the top of a Cadillac with a chainsaw]
Mrs. Big Head: Which car are you taking, Johnny?
Johnny Big Head: The convertible!
View Quote [after watching a zombie smash open a vending machine with its head] Must be from L.A.! A-bow-bow!
View Quote [having an argument on the phone] Oh yeah, one more thing, O'Finlay: SCHLONG! [hangs up] What an asshole.
View Quote [repeated line] A-bow-bow!
View Quote [repeated line] Can you relate?
View Quote [seeing his son sabotage his surfing bet] I'm gonna beat that kid like I don't know him.
View Quote Good ol' Buzzz Cola, gets them every time!
View Quote I used to want to be like the other kids, you know! I wanted to be a surfer! I wanted to be hip and bitchy and gnarly, but that's over now, it all ended one miserable afternoon: I was having an innocent soda, and they spiked it! And you know with what? [lifts up shirt to reveal a pair of breasts] With a powerful reverse-sex hormone! Do you know what it's like to be the only guy at the beach with tits?!
View Quote I want you to dust the beach for prints.
View Quote Kids, if I need any shit out of you, I'll squeeze your heads.