Bill Pardy quotes from Slither (2006)

View Quote I will never understand what joy a grown man gets using a $1,000 weapon to blow the face off a cute little deer.

View Quote Grant looks like a squid, don't know where he's gonna hide... Seaworld maybe.

View Quote I reckon Grant ain't got one of them puppy calendars on his desk. He just don't strike me as a real dog lover, is all.

View Quote My easygoing nature is getting sorely **** tested.

View Quote Well, now that is some **** up shit.

View Quote Wally Whale: Surprised you're able to lift a mug, you've been carrying that torch for so long.
Bill Pardy: Oh, that reminds me of something I want to tell you.
Wally Whale: What's that?
Bill Pardy: **** you, fat ass.

View Quote Jack McReady: Town Council lit a Roman candle, stuck it up my ass!
Bill Pardy: Jack, your leisure activities ain't my business.

View Quote Jack McReady: Well, it's obvious the bastard's got Lyme disease.
Bill Pardy: What?
Jack McReady: Lyme disease. You touch some deer feces and then you eat a sandwich without washing your hands, you got your Lyme disease.
Bill Pardy: And that makes you look like a squid?
Jack McReady: Well, **** you all for laughing.

View Quote Bill Pardy: Two nights ago, a mare was stolen from this property owned by Fitzgibbon. That rancher with the cleft palate?
Wally Whale: Yeah. I know that guy. He looks like a chipmunk.
Bill Pardy: Your mama weren't too proud when you came out neither, Wally.

View Quote Bill Pardy: Hey, Starla. You remember that time we were kids and you came knocking on my window in the middle of the night? So Starla here, 12. I guess I was 14. I said, "Starla, what the hell are you doing out there?" She says that she's gonna run away to Hollywood and be a big star. And she knew I was in the ROTC, so she says she needs a bodyguard and invites me to come along. And I said, "Starla, if there's anyone who can take care of herself, "I think it's you. I'm gonna have to decline."
Wally Whale: How far did you get?
Starla Grant: About the bus stop. Because Ranger Rick here called my dad.
Wally Whale: Damn. A cop from the get-go. You son of a bitch!
Starla Grant: You **** up our fame and fortune there, Bill Pardy.
Bill Pardy: Yeah. Yeah, I guess maybe I did.

View Quote Starla Grant: [to a transformed Grant] You're just sick. We're just here to take you to get some help. Right now. And I'm gonna stay by you. Just like I swore I would. For better or worse.
Bill Pardy: Much ****in' worse...

View Quote Jack McCready: Where is the Mr. Pibb? I told your secretary to pack Mr. Pibb. It's the only Coke I like. Goddamn Brenda exploding like a water balloon and worms driving my friends around like they're goddamn skin-cars. People are spitting acid at me, turning you into cottage cheese, and now there's no **** goddamn Mr. Pibb!
Bill Pardy: Jesus Christ, Jack. Let me get right on it.

View Quote Jack McCready: He's a goddamn Martian?
Bill Pardy: Martians is from Mars, Jack.
Jack McCready: Or it's a general term meaning "outer space ****er."
Bill Pardy: No, it isn't.
Jack McCready: Look it up, ****.

View Quote Kylie Strutemyer: What are we gonna do now?
Bill Pardy: Probably turn into a couple of these ****-up things.
Kylie Strutemyer: That's kind of negative.
Bill Pardy: Well, it's been that sort of day.

View Quote Starla Grant: Bet you regret not running off with me to Hollywood now, hey, Bill?
Bill Pardy: Oh, hell, Starla, I always regretted that.