Princess Fiona quotes from Shrek (2001)

By night one way, by day another, this shall be the norm. Until you find true love's first kiss, and then take love's true form.

Yes. But I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful.

I have to be rescued by my true love. Not by some ogre, and... and his pet!

Donkey

Well, so much for "noble steed"!

And my groom-to-be, Lord Farquaad. What's he like?

Shrek

Well, let me put it this way, Princess. [knowing glance at Donkey] Men of Farquaad's standards are in "short" supply. [chuckles]

Donkey

No, Shrek. There are those who think very "little" of him!

Stop it. Stop it, both of you! You know, you're just jealous that you could never measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad.

Shrek

Maybe. But I'll let you do the "measuring" when you see him tomorrow!

Tomorrow? Will it really take that long? Shouldn't we set up camp?

Shrek

No, that'll take longer.

But there's... robbers in the woods!

Donkey

Whoa, time out, Shrek! Campin' sure is startin' to sound like a good idea 'round here!

Shrek

Hey, come on! I'm scarier than anything we're gonna see in this forest--

I need to find somewhere to camp NOW!!!

[Shrek groans as he regains consciousness. His back is to Princess Fiona, lying upright on the bed near the window. Though a bit startled, she is ecstatic to see her knight in shining armor. She straightens her dress, lies back down, and then quickly reaches over for a bouquet off the side table. She lies back down and pretends to be asleep, clutching the bouquet to her breast. Shrek turns, takes note of the princess and walks across the room over to her. He bends down over to Fiona, and she puckers her lips. Shrek takes her by the shoulders and forcefully shakes her.]

Wha... Wha...

Shrek

Wake up!

What?!

Shrek

Are you Princess Fiona?

I am... [smiling] awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me.

Shrek

Ah, that's nice. Now let's go!

But, wait, Shrek! This be-ith our first meeting. Should it not be a wonderful, romantic moment? [she tosses the bouquet and lays back down, swooning]

Shrek

Yeah, sorry, lady. There's no time. [Shrek walks back, grabs Fiona's arm. and hauls her out of bed and toward the door]

Hey, wait. What are you doing? You know, you should sweep me off my feet out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed. [Shrek yanks on the door handle only for it to snap off]

Shrek

You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you?

Mm-hmm. [screams as Shrek suddenly smashes the door down with his shoulder, still holding onto her arm. He rushes down the tower's staircase in tow and grabs a torch] But we have to savor this moment! You could recite an imagine poem for me. [Shrek and Fiona cross the bridge connecting the tallest tower to the rest of the castle] A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? A something! [Fiona pulls her arm out. They stop for a moment as Shrek figures out which direction to go.]

Shrek

I don't think so.

Well, can I at least know the name of my champion?

Shrek

Uh, Shrek.

Sir Shrek. [she smiles, clears her throat, and holds out a handkerchief] I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude.

Shrek

Thanks!

You didn't slay the dragon?!

Shrek

It's on my to-do list; now come on! [Shrek grabs Fiona once again and takes off running toward the direction of the dragon's roar]

But-but-but- this isn't right! They were meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying. That's what all the other knights did!

Shrek

Yeah, right before they burst into flames!

That's not the point! Ugh!

Wait, where are you going? The exit's over there!

Shrek

Well, I have to save my backside.

What kind of knight are you?

Shrek

One of a kind.

Donkey

Slow down. Slow down, baby, please. Look, I believe it's healthy to get to know someone over a long period of time. Just, just call me old-fashioned. I don't want to rush into a... a physical relationship. I'm not...not emotionally ready for a commitment of, uh, this, uh - - "magnitude" really is the word I'm looking for. Magnitude.

Donkey

Hey, that is unwanted physical contact. Hey, what are you doing?

Donkey

Okay, okay. Let's just back up a little and take this one step at a time. I mean, we really should get to know each other first, you know, as friends or maybe even pen pals. Y'know cause I'm on the road a lot, but I just love receiving cards to read --

Donkey

Oh, y'know I'd, I'd really love to stay, but --

Donkey

Hey, hey, don't do that! That's my tail! That's my personal tail. You're gonna tear it off. I don't give permission to-- hey! What are you gonna do with that?

Donkey

Hey, now. No way. No! No! No, no! No. No, no, no. No! Oh!
[Shrek lands on Donkey and bumps him out of Dragon's grasp just as she is about to kiss him, and now instead kisses Shrek's arse. She opens her eyes and roars. Shrek lets go of the chain, and the chandelier falls onto her head, making a collar around her neck. She roars again, and Shrek and Donkey take off running. They dodge a blast of fire from Dragon. Shrek grabs Donkey in one arm and then grabs Princess Fiona, who has wandered into the room, with the other arm as he runs past her.]

Donkey

Hi, Princess!

He talks!

Shrek

Yeah, it's getting him to shut up; that's the trick.
[They all gasp as Shrek suddenly stops, having reached the end of the balcony. Shrek spots a fallen column that has formed a sort of slide. He jumps on it just as Dragon tries to bite them and slides down it. Unfortunately, there is a crack in the stone, which hits Shrek right in the crotch. His eyes cross, and as he reaches the bottom of the slide, he groans and stumbles off. Dragon chases after them, the chain of the chandelier still unravelling. Dragon chases them through a large hall, her chain looping itself around multiple stone pillars as Shrek zigzags around them. Dragon ends up in front of them and breathes fire. Shrek dodges the fire and runs away, leaping over several rows of chains. He comes to a halt.]

Shrek

Okay, you two, head for the exit! [setting down Donkey and Fiona] I'll take care of The Dragon.

Shrek

RUN!!
[They sprint as fast as they can out of the castle and onto the rickety bridge as Dragon breathes a huge fireball behind them. As they reach the middle of the bridge, the fire burns the bridge, and it snaps in half. They hang onto the bridge as they are swung to the other side. Donkey, unable to grab on, falls off, but Shrek catches him by the leg. Fiona screams in horror as Dragon flies over the boiling lava to get them. Suddenly, the chandelier pulls Dragon back, the sword having lodged itself into a stone column and getting the chain stuck. The Dragon stopped from making a mistake. The group quickly climbs up to safety. Dragon lets out a stopped roar, then gives a sad whimper.]

Donkey

Okay, so here’s another question. Say there’s a woman that digs you, right, but you don’t really like her that way. How do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren’t hurt, but you don’t get burned to a crisp and eaten?

You just tell her she’s not your true love. Everyone knows what happens when you find your… [Shrek drops her on the ground] Hey! The sooner we get to Duloc, the better.

Donkey

You’re gonna love it there, Princess. It’s beautiful!

And what of my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad? What’s he like?

Shrek

Let me put it this way, Princess. Men of Farquaad’s stature are in short supply. [he and Donkey laugh]

Donkey

I don’t know. There are those who think little of him.

Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You’re just jealous you can never measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad.

Shrek

Yeah, well, maybe you’re right, Princess. But I’ll let you do the "measuring" when you see him tomorrow.

Tomorrow?! It’ll take that long? Shouldn’t we stop to make camp?

Shrek

No, that’ll take longer. We can keep going.

But there’s robbers in the woods.

Donkey

Whoa! Time out, Shrek! Camp is starting to sound good.

Shrek

Hey, come on. I’m scarier than anything we’re going to see in this forest.

I need to find somewhere to camp NOW!!!!
[Both Donkey and Shrek’s ears lower as they shrink away from her.]

Shrek

Hey! Over here.

Donkey

Shrek, we can do better than that. I don’t think this is fit for a princess.

No, no, it’s perfect. It just needs a few homey touches.

Shrek

Homey touches? Like what? [he hears a tearing noise and looks over at Fiona who has torn the bark off of a tree.]

A door? Well, gentlemen, I bid thee good night. [goes into the cave and puts the bark door up behind her.]

Donkey

You want me to read you a bedtime story? I will.

I said good night!

Donkey

Shrek, what are you doing?

Shrek

I just.... You know.... Oh, come on. I was just kidding.

[Fiona walks out of the cave. She glances at Shrek and Donkey, who are still sleeping. She wanders off into the woods and comes across a blue bird. She begins to sing. The bird sings along with her. She hits higher and higher notes, and the bird struggles to keep up with her. Suddenly, the pressure of the note is too big, and the bird explodes. Fiona looks a little sheepish, but she eyes the eggs that the bird left behind. Time lapse: Fiona is now cooking the eggs for breakfast. Shrek and Donkey are still sleeping. Shrek wakes up and looks at Fiona. Donkey’s talking in his sleep.]

Donkey

Mmm, yeah, you know I like it like that. Come on, baby. I said I like it.

Shrek

Donkey, wake up. [shakes him]

Donkey

Huh? What?

Shrek

Wake up.

Donkey

What? [stretches and yawns]

Good morning. Hm, how do you like your eggs?

Donkey

Oh, good morning, Princess!

Shrek

What’s all this about?

You know, we kind of got off to a bad start yesterday. I wanted to make it up to you. I mean, after all, you did rescue me.

Shrek

Uh, thanks.

Well, eat up. We’ve got a big day ahead of us. [walks off]

Donkey

Shrek!

Shrek

What? It’s a compliment. Better out than in, I always say. [laughs]

Donkey

Well, it’s no way to behave in front of a princess.

Thanks.

Donkey

She’s as nasty as you are.

Shrek

You know, you’re not exactly what I expected.

Well, maybe you shouldn’t judge people before you get to know them.

La liberte! Hey!

Shrek

Princess!

What are you doing?

Be still, mon cherie, for I am your savior! And I am rescuing you from this green... [kisses up her arm while Fiona pulls back in disgust] ...beast.

Shrek

Hey! That’s my princess! Go find your own!

Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy here?

Look, pal, I don’t know who you think you are!

Oh! Of course! Oh, how rude. Please let me introduce myself. Oh, Merry Men! [laughs]

Ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo.

♪ I steal from the rich and give to the needy. ♪

♪ He takes a wee percentage, ♪

♪ But I'm not greedy. I rescue pretty damsels, man, I'm good. ♪

♪ What a guy, Monsieur Hood. ♪

Break it down. ♪ I like an honest fight and a saucy little maid... ♪

♪ What he's basically saying is he likes to get-

Paid. So... ♪ When an ogre in the bush grabs a lady by the tush. ♪ That's bad.

That's bad.

♪ When a beauty's with a beast it makes me awfully mad. ♪

He's mad, he's really, really mad.

♪ I’ll take my blade and ram it through your heart, keep your eyes on me, boys, 'cause I'm about to start... ♪

Man, that was annoying!

Oh, you little...! [shoots an arrow at Fiona but she handsprings out of the way]

Donkey

AAAAAAH!
[Another fight sequence begins, and Fiona gives a karate yell. She handsprings over to the arrow shooter and rapidly punches him unconscious. She elbow strikes another and swats him with her braid. There is a very interesting ‘Matrix’ moment here when Fiona pauses in mid-air to fix her hair, then takes two men down by kicking them both at the same time. With a running backflip off a tree, she punches the friar through his accordion. She knocks out another one of the Merry Men with a roundhouse kick. Finally, all of the Merry Men are down, and Fiona begins walking away.]

Uh, shall we?

Shrek

Hold the phone. [drops Donkey and begins walking after Fiona] Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on now. Where did that come from?

What?

Shrek

That! Back there. That was amazing! Where did you learn that?

Well... [laughs] when one lives alone, uh, one has to learn these things in case there’s a… [gasps and points] there’s an arrow in your butt!

Shrek

What? [turns and looks] Oh, would you look at that? [he goes to pull it out but flinches because it’s tender]

Oh, no! This is all my fault! I’m so sorry!

Donkey

Why? What’s wrong?

Shrek’s hurt.

Donkey

Shrek’s hurt? Shrek’s hurt?! Oh, no, Shrek’s gonna die!

Shrek

Donkey, I’m okay.

Donkey

You can’t do this to me, Shrek! I’m too young for you to die! Keep you legs elevated! Turn your head and cough! Does anyone know the Heimlich?

Donkey! Calm down. If you want to help Shrek, run into the woods and find me a blue flower with red thorns.

Donkey

Blue flower, red thorns. Okay, I’m on it. Blue flower, red thorns. Don’t die Shrek. If you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light!

Donkey!

Donkey

Oh, yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns. [runs off]

Shrek

What are the flowers for?

For getting rid of Donkey.

Shrek

Ah.

Now you hold still, and I’ll yank this thing out. [gives the arrow a little pull]

Shrek

Ow! Hey! Easy with the yankin’.

I’m sorry, but it has to come out.

Shrek

No, it’s tender.

Now, hold on.

Shrek

What do you think you’re doing is the opposite of help.

Don’t move.

Shrek

Look, time out.

Would you...? [grunts as Shrek puts his hand over her face to stop her from getting at the arrow] Okay. What do you propose we do?

Shrek

Ow! Not good!

Okay. Okay. I can nearly see the head. [Shrek grunts as she pulls] It’s just about...

Shrek

Ow! Ohh! [he jerks and manages to fall over with Fiona on top of him]

Donkey

Ahem.

Shrek

Nothing happened. We were just, uh...

Donkey

Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was ask. Okay?

Shrek

Oh, come on! That’s the last thing on my mind. The princess here was just-- [Fiona pulls the arrow out] Ugh! [he turns to look at Fiona, who holds up the arrow with a smile] Ow!

Donkey

Hey, what’s that? [nervous chuckle] That’s-- Is that blood? [faints]
[Shrek walks over and picks him up as they continue on their way.] [Eels: "My Beloved Monster"] [There is a montage of scenes as the group heads back to DuLoc. Shrek crawling up to the top of a tree to make it fall over a small brook so that Fiona won’t get wet. Shrek then gets up as Donkey is just about to cross the tree, and the tree swings back into its upright position and Donkey flies off. Shrek is swatting at a bunch of flies and mosquitoes. Fiona grabs a nearby spiderweb that’s on a tree branch and runs through the field, swinging it around to catch the bugs. She then hands it to Shrek, who begins eating like cotton candy. Shrek catches a toad and blowing it up like a balloon and presents it to Fiona. Fiona catching a snake, blowing it up, fashioning it into a balloon animal and presenting it to Shrek. The group arriving at a windmill that is near DuLoc.]

My beloved monster and me We go everywhere together Wearin' a raincoat that has four sleeves Get us through all kinds of weather

Donkey

Aah!

She will always be the only thing That comes between me and the awful sting That comes from living in a world that’s so damn mean [croaks] Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh

Hey!

La-la, la-la, la-la-la-la [both laughing] La-la, la-la, la-la

Mmm. This is good. This is really good. What is this?

Shrek

Uh, weed rat. Rotisserie style.

No kidding. Well, this is delicious.

Shrek

Well, they’re also great in stews. Now, I don’t mean to brag, but I make a mean weed rat stew. [chuckles]

I guess I’ll be dining a little differently tomorrow night.

Shrek

Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I’ll cook all kind of stuff for you. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare-- you name it.

I’d like that.

Shrek

Um, Princess?

Yes, Shrek?

Shrek

I, um, I was wondering…are you… [sighs] Are you gonna eat that?

Donkey

Well, isn’t this romantic? Just look at that sunset.

Sunset?! Oh, no! I mean, it’s late. I-It’s very late.

Shrek

What?

Donkey

Wait a minute. I see what’s goin’ on here. You’re afraid of the dark, aren’t you?

Yes! Yes, that’s it. I’m terrified. You know, I’d better go inside.

Donkey

Don’t feel bad, Princess. I used to be afraid of the dark, too, until-- Hey, no, wait. I’m still afraid of the dark.

Good night.

Shrek

Good night.

Donkey

Ohh! Now I really see what’s goin’ on here.

Shrek

Oh, what are you talkin’ about?

Donkey

I don’t even wanna hear it. Look, I’m an animal, and I got instincts. And I know you two were diggin’ on each other. I could feel it.

Shrek

You’re crazy. I’m just bringing her back to Farquaad.

Donkey

Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the pheromones. Just go on in and tell her how you feel.

Shrek

I...There’s nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that, well, you know...and I’m not sayin’ I do ‘cause I don’t...she’s a princess, and I’m...

Donkey

An ogre?

Shrek

Yeah. An ogre.

Donkey

Hey, where you goin’?

Shrek

To get… more firewood. [sighs]
[Donkey looks over at the large pile of firewood there already is.]

Donkey

Princess? Princess Fiona? Princess, where are you? Princess? [Fiona looks at Donkey from the shadows, but he can’t see her.] It’s very spooky in here. I ain’t playing no games.

Donkey

AAAAAHHHHH!!!

No! No! No!

Donkey

OH, NO, HELP!

Shh!

Donkey

SHREK!!! SHREK!!! SHREK!!!

No, it’s okay. It’s okay.

Donkey

WHAT DID YOU DO WITH THE PRINCESS?!

Donkey, shh! I’m the princess.

Donkey

AAAAAHHHHH!!!

It’s me, in this body.

Donkey

Oh, my God! You ate the princess! CAN YOU HEAR ME?!

Donkey?!

Donkey

Listen, keep breathing! I’ll get you out of there!

No!

Donkey

SHREK!!! SHREK!!! SHREK!!!

Shh.

Donkey

SHREK!!!

This is me.

Donkey

Princess? What happened to you? You’re, uh, uh, uh, different.

I’m ugly, okay?

Donkey

Well, yeah! Was it something you ate? ‘Cause I told Shrek those rats was a bad idea. You are what you eat, I said. Now...

No. I...I’ve been this way as long as I can remember.

Donkey

What do you mean? Look, I ain’t never seen you like this before.

It only happens when the sun goes down. "By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm… until you find true love’s first kiss... and then take love’s true form."

Donkey

Ah, that’s beautiful. I didn’t know you wrote poetry.

It’s a spell. [sighs] When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I become this. This horrible, ugly beast! I was placed in a tower to await the day my true love would rescue me. That’s why I have to marry Lord Farquaad tomorrow before the sun sets and he sees me like this. [begins to cry]

Donkey

All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it’s not that bad. You’re not that ugly. Well, I ain’t gonna lie. You are ugly. But you only look like this at night. Shrek’s ugly 24-7.

But Donkey, I’m a princess, and this is not how a princess is meant to look.

Donkey

Princess, how ‘bout if you don’t marry Farquaad?

I have to. Only my true love’s kiss can break the spell.

Donkey

But, you know, um, you’re kind of an ogre, and Shrek-- well, you got a lot in common.

Shrek?

Shrek

Princess, I...Uh, how’s it going, first of all? Good? Um, good for me too. I’m okay. I saw this flower and thought of you because it’s pretty and...well, I don’t really like it, but I thought you might like it ‘cause you’re pretty. But I like you anyway. I’d...uh, uh... [sighs] I’m in trouble. Okay, here we go.

I can’t just marry whoever I want. Take a good look at me, Donkey. I mean, really, who can ever love a beast so hideous and ugly? "Princess" and "ugly" don’t go together. That’s why I can’t stay here with Shrek.

My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love.
[Shrek heaves a deep sigh. He throws the flower down and walks away.]

Don’t you see, Donkey? That’s just how it has to be. It’s the only way to break the spell.

Donkey

You at least gotta tell Shrek the truth.

No! You can’t breathe a word. No one must ever know.

Donkey

What’s the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets?

Promise you won’t tell. Promise!

Donkey

All right, all right. I won’t tell him. But you should. [goes outside] I just know before this is over, I’m gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. Look at my eye twitchin’.
[Fiona comes out the door and watches him walk away. She looks down and spots the sunflower. She picks it up before going back inside the windmill.]

I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him. [she quickly runs to the door and goes outside] Shrek! Shrek, there’s something I want...

Shrek. Are you all right?

Shrek

Perfect! Never been better.

I...I don’t...There’s something I have to tell you.

Shrek

You don’t have to tell me anything, Princess. I heard enough last night.

You heard what I said?

Shrek

Every word.

I thought you’d understand.

Shrek

Oh, I understand. Like you said, "Who could love a hideous, ugly beast?"

But I thought that wouldn’t matter to you.

Shrek

Yeah? Well, it does. [Fiona looks at him in shock. He looks past her and spots a group approaching.] Ah, right on time. Princess, I’ve brought you a little something.

Donkey

What’d I miss? What’d I miss? [he spots the soldiers, mumbling to himself.] Who said that? Couldn’t have been the Donkey.

Lord Farquaad

Princess Fiona.

Shrek

As promised. Now hand it over.

Lord Farquaad

Very well, ogre. [holds out a piece of paper] The deed to your swamp, cleared out, as agreed. Take it and go before I change my mind. [Shrek takes the paper] Forgive me, Princess, for startling you, but you startled me, for I have never seen such a radiant beauty before. I am Lord Farquaad.

Lord Farquaad? Oh, no, no. [Farquaad snaps his fingers] Forgive me, my lord, for I was just saying a short... [Watches as Farquaad is lifted off his horse and set down in front of her. He comes to her waist.] farewell.

Lord Farquaad

Oh, that is so sweet. You don’t have to waste good manners on the ogre. It’s not like it has feelings.

No, you’re right. It doesn’t.

Lord Farquaad

Princess Fiona, beautiful, fair, flawless Fiona. I ask your hand in marriage. Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom?

Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make...

Lord Farquaad

Excellent! I’ll start the plans; for tomorrow we wed!

No! I mean, uh, why wait? Let’s get married today before the sun sets.

Lord Farquaad

Oh, anxious, are we? You’re right. The sooner, the better. There’s so much to do! There’s the caterer, the cake, the band, the guest list. Captain, round up some guests! [A guard puts Fiona on the back of his horse]

Fare-thee-well, ogre.

Donkey

Shrek, what are you doing? You’re letting her get away.

Shrek

Yeah? So what?

Donkey

Shrek, there’s something about her you don’t know. Look, I talked to her last night. She’s....

Shrek

I know you talked to her last night. You’re great pals, aren’t ya? Now, if you two are such good friends, why don’t you follow her home?

Donkey

Shrek, I...I wanna go with you.

Shrek

I told you, didn’t I? You’re not coming home with me. [to himself] I live alone! My swamp! Me! [to Donkey] Nobody else! Understand? [to himself] Nobody! Especially useless, pathetic, annoying, talking Donkeys!

Donkey

But I thought...

Shrek

Yeah. You know what? You thought wrong. [stomps off]

Donkey

Shrek?
[John Cale: "Hallelujah"] [Montage of different scenes. Shrek arriving back home. Fiona being fitted for the wedding dress. Donkey at a stream running into the dragon. Shrek cleaning up his house. Fiona eating dinner alone. Shrek eating dinner alone.]

People of DuLoc, we gather here today to bear witness to the union...

Um...

...of your new king.

Excuse me. Could we just skip ahead to the "I do’s"?

Lord Farquaad

Go on.

Shrek

I object!

Shrek.

Lord Farquaad

Oh, now what does he want?

Shrek

Hi, everyone. Havin’ a good time, are ya? I love DuLoc, first of all. Very clean.

What are you doing here?

Lord Farquaad

Really, it’s rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding!

Shrek

Fiona! I need to talk to you.

Oh, now you wanna talk? Well, it’s a little late for that, so if you’ll excuse me--

Shrek

But you can’t marry him.

And why not?

Shrek

Because-- Because he’s just marrying you so he can be king.

Lord Farquaad

Outrageous! Fiona, don’t mind me.

Shrek

He’s not your true love.

And what do you know about true love?

Shrek

Well, I...Uh...I mean...

Lord Farquaad

Oh, this is precious. The ogre has fallen in love with the princess! Oh, good Lord. [laughs]

Lord Farquaad

An ogre and a princess!

Shrek, is this true?

Lord Farquaad

Who cares?! It’s preposterous! Fiona, my love, we’re about a kiss away from your "happily ever after." Now kiss me! [puckers his lips and leans toward her, but she pulls back.]

"By night one way, by day another." [to Shrek] I wanted to show you before.

Shrek

Well, uh, that explains a lot.

Lord Farquaad

Ugh! It’s DISGUSTING!!!! GUARDS!!!! GUARDS!!!! I ORDER YOU TO GET THAT OUT OF MY SIGHT!!!! NOW!!!! GET THEM!!!! GET THEM BOTH!!!!

NO, NO! SHREK!

Lord Farquaad

THIS HOCUS-POCUS ALTERS NOTHING!!!! THIS MARRIAGE IS BINDING, AND THAT MAKE ME KING!!!! SEE?!!? SEE?!!?

No, let go of me! Shrek!

Shrek

No!

Lord Farquaad

DON’T JUST STAND THERE, YOU MORONS!!!!

Shrek

Get out of my way! Fiona! Arrgh!

Lord Farquaad

I’LL MAKE YOU REGRET THE DAY WE MET!!!! I’LL SEE YOU DRAWN AND QUARTERED!!! YOU’LL BEG FOR DEATH TO SAVE YOU!!!!

No, Shrek!

Lord Farquaad

AND AS FOR YOU, MY WIFE!!!!

Shrek

Fiona!

Lord Farquaad

I’LL HAVE YOU LOCKED BACK IN THAT TOWER FOR THE REST OF YOUR DAYS!!!! I AM KING!!!!

Lord Farquaad

I WILL HAVE ORDER!!!! I WILL HAVE PERFECTION!!!! I WILL HAVE--

Lord Farquaad

AAAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!!!

Donkey

All right. Nobody move. I got a dragon here, and I’m not afraid to use it. [The dragon roars.] I’M A DONKEY ON THE EDGE!!!

Donkey

Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they? [as the congregation cheers.] Go ahead, Shrek.

Shrek

Uh, Fiona?

Yes, Shrek?

Shrek

I...I love you.

Really?

Shrek

Really, really.

I love you too.

Aawww!

"Until you find true love’s first kiss and then take love’s true form. Take love’s true form. Take love’s true form."

Shrek

Fiona? Fiona. Are you all right?

Ogre Fiona

Well, yes. But I don’t understand. I’m supposed to be beautiful.

Shrek

But you are beautiful.

Donkey

I was hoping this would be a happy ending.
[Shrek and Fiona kiss…and the kiss fades into their wedding kiss.]