A character in Short Circuit (1986)

Newton Crosby quotes from Short Circuit (1986)

Steve Guttenberg

3rd most-quoted character in Short Circuit (1986): in 8 of its 31 quotes
Most scenes with: Ben Jabituya (6), Howard (4)

A line from Newton Crosby

Originally I had non-military purposes in mind. I designed it as a marital aid.

More lines from Newton Crosby

1 quote
Newton Crosby
[tells a joke to Number 5]

There's a priest, a minister, and a rabbi. They're out playing golf, and they're trying to decide how much to give to charity. So the priest says, "We'll draw a circle on the ground, we'll throw the money way up in the air, and whatever lands inside the circle, we give to charity." The minister says, "No. We'll draw a circle on the ground, throw the money way up in the air, and whatever lands outside of the circle, that's what we'll give to charity." The rabbi says "No, no, no. We'll throw the money way up in the air, and whatever God wants, he keeps!"

Scenes with Newton Crosby

6 scenes
Newton
[Speaking about the robots]

It doesn't get sad, it doesn't get happy,

Ben and Newton
[In unison]

It just runs programs!

Ben

"Unable. Malfunction".

Howard

How can it refuse to turn itself off?

Skroeder

Maybe it's pissed off.

Crosby

It's a machine, Skroeder. It doesn't get pissed off. It doesn't get happy, it doesn't get sad, it doesn't laugh at your jokes.

Ben and Crosby

It just runs programs.

Howard

It usually runs programs.

Howard
[after Number 5 refuses to return to base]

Oh, my God. It's not coming back. We've gotta destroy it.

Crosby

No. Howard, you're overreacting. You can't.

Ben

Look, let us at least try to catch it first.

Crosby

Yeah. We'll panic later. Okay?

Howard

What if you don't catch it? What if it goes out and melts down a busload of nuns?! How would you like to write the headline on that one?!

Ben

"Nun Soup"?

Crosby

BEN! [covers Ben's mouth]

Crosby

Where are you from, anyway?

Ben

Bakersfield, originally.

Crosby

No, I mean your ancestors.

Ben

Oh, them. Pittsburgh.

Howard

Hey! Who told you you could take Number 1?!

Crosby

Howard, logically, if we need protection from Number 5, this is the best weapon we could have.

Howard

Great. Great! So, instead of $11,000,000 on the loose, we're gonna have 22.

Ben

And plus, we are needing gas money.

Howard

I got a phone call from that loony in the lunch wagon. She wants to see you. Only you.

Crosby

She does?

Ben

Oh, her pants are blazing for you, Newton Crosby!

Crosby

Will you grow up?!

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