Mauricio quotes from Shallow Hal (2001)

Tony

Haven't you ever heard that beauty is in the eye of the beholder?

Mauricio

Have you heard the song Who Let The Dogs Out?

Mauricio

You had me at "Get lost".

Oh my God, there she is. There's Rosemary.

Mauricio

Where?

Right there.

Mauricio

Right where?

Straight ahead, across the field.

Mauricio

Is she behind the Rhino?

Does she take the cake, or what?

Mauricio

She takes the whole bakery, Hal.

Mauricio

She's got CANKLES!

Is that a member's only jacket?

Mauricio

Yes.

So what are you, the last member?

Mauricio

The thing is all the women he's been seeing are ugly.

Tony

Who says they're ugly?

Mauricio

Bausch & Lomb.

Mauricio

Hey, Hal. Come look at this turd! It looks like Klinger from M*A*S*H!

You screwed me, man. I had a beautiful, caring, funny, intelligent woman, and you made her disappear!

Mauricio

No, I didn't. I just made Rosemary appear. There's a difference. It's called "reality".

Hey, if you can see something and hear it and smell it. What keeps it from being real?

Mauricio

Third party perspective? Other people agreeing that its real?

Okay, let me ask you a question. Whose the all time love of your life?

Mauricio

Wonder Woman.

Okay, well lets say Wonder Woman falls in love with you, right? Would it bother you if the rest of the world didn't find her attractive?

Mauricio

Not at all. Cause I know they'd be wrong.

That's what I had with Rosemary! I saw a knockout! I don't care what anybody else saw!

Mauricio

Geez, I never thought about it that way. [laughs] Hey, I guess I really did screw you, huh?

What am I gonna do?

Mauricio

Hey, hey, don't panic. We just get Tony Robbins back here. He puts the Vulcan mind-meld on ya and then he puts you back under.

Good idea.

Mauricio

In the mean time, you just have to avoid Rosemary.

Why?

Mauricio

Because if you see the real Rosemary, hypnosis is not gonna help you. I mean, its the jaws of life to get that image out of your head.