2nd most-quoted character in Shallow Hal (2001): in 6 of its 14 quotes
Most scenes with: Mauricio (3)
Oh my God, there she is. There's Rosemary.
Where?
Right there.
Right where?
Straight ahead, across the field.
Is she behind the Rhino?
Does she take the cake, or what?
She takes the whole bakery, Hal.
See, the problem is I'm kind of pricky.
What do you mean, pricky?
Well. For instance, I like them real young. Like, did you ever see Paulina in her first "Sports Illustrated" layout?
You're looking for a young Paulina type?
Well, that face. But with better headlights. You know how hers have kind of dimmed lately? Heidi Klum's beams would would do, and her teeth. Or, ooh. That Britney Spears girl. She's got great knockers, but she's a tad muscular. Uh. Actually, you know what? Her ass would do, too. If she had a better grille. Like, uh. Michelle Pfeiffer back when she did Grease 2. But she'd have to be a little smilier than Michelle. Kind of like Rebecca Romijn-Stamos, before she got Stamosed. But not as skinny. Someone a little meatier, like Heidi. But without the accent. You know those accents: yah-yah-yah-yah. They really get old fast. You know what I mean? Someone like that.
Hal, don't you think you're being a bit shallow here in the way you look at women?
Well, no! You know, I'd like her to be into culture and shit too.
Okay, Hal. Hypothetical situation. Which do you prefer: a girlfriend missing one breast or half a brain?
Hmmm, toughie. What about the remaining breast? Is it big?
So what do you weigh, like 110? 115?
Which one of my butt cheeks are you talking about?
Hey there, is this not the most adorable little girl? What is your name, sweetheart?
Cadence.
Cadence, huh? A perfect name for a perfect little girl. I do not see what is wrong, I mean, she should be starring in commercials. Tell you what Cadence, I am going to hold you until the cows come home.
Hal picks up Cadence. Ugly nurse enters
Visiting hours are over. Out now!
The cows came home.
You screwed me, man. I had a beautiful, caring, funny, intelligent woman, and you made her disappear!
No, I didn't. I just made Rosemary appear. There's a difference. It's called "reality".
Hey, if you can see something and hear it and smell it. What keeps it from being real?
Third party perspective? Other people agreeing that its real?
Okay, let me ask you a question. Whose the all time love of your life?
Wonder Woman.
Okay, well lets say Wonder Woman falls in love with you, right? Would it bother you if the rest of the world didn't find her attractive?
Not at all. Cause I know they'd be wrong.
That's what I had with Rosemary! I saw a knockout! I don't care what anybody else saw!
Geez, I never thought about it that way. [laughs] Hey, I guess I really did screw you, huh?
What am I gonna do?
Hey, hey, don't panic. We just get Tony Robbins back here. He puts the Vulcan mind-meld on ya and then he puts you back under.
Good idea.
In the mean time, you just have to avoid Rosemary.
Why?
Because if you see the real Rosemary, hypnosis is not gonna help you. I mean, its the jaws of life to get that image out of your head.
