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Hal: See, the problem is I'm kind of pricky.
Tony: What do you mean, pricky?
Hal: Well. For instance, I like them real young. Like, did you ever see Paulina in her first "Sports Illustrated" layout?
Tony: You're looking for a young Paulina type?
Hal: Well, that face. But with better headlights. You know how hers have kind of dimmed lately? Heidi Klum's beams would would do, and her teeth. Or, ooh. That Britney Spears girl. She's got great knockers, but she's a tad muscular. Uh. Actually, you know what? Her ass would do, too. If she had a better grille. Like, uh. Michelle Pfeiffer back when she did Grease 2. But she'd have to be a little smilier than Michelle. Kind of like Rebecca Romijn-Stamos, before she got Stamosed. But not as skinny. Someone a little meatier, like Heidi. But without the accent. You know those accents: yah-yah-yah-yah. They really get old fast. You know what I mean? Someone like that.
Tony: Hal, don't you think you're being a bit shallow here in the way you look at women?
Hal: Well, no! You know, I'd like her to be into culture and shit too.
Tony: Okay, Hal. Hypothetical situation. Which do you prefer: a girlfriend missing one breast or half a brain?
Hal: Hmmm, toughie. What about the remaining breast? Is it big?
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