Mr. Blonde If you keep talking like a bitch, I'm gonna slap you like one.
3rd most-quoted character in Reservoir Dogs (1992): in 13 of its 49 quotes
Most scenes with: Mr. White (6), Mr. Pink (5), Nice Guy Eddie (3)
BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM. If they hadn't a done what I told them not to do they would still be alive.
More lines from Mr. Blonde
5 quotes Mr. Blonde Mr. Blonde Listen kid, I'm not gonna bullshit you, all right? I don't give a good **** what you know, or don't know, but I'm gonna torture you anyway, regardless. Not to get information. It's amusing, to me, to torture a cop. You can say anything you want, 'cause I've heard it all before. All you can do is pray for a quick death, which you ain't gonna get.
Mr. Blonde Are you gonna bark all day, little doggy, or are you gonna bite?
Mr. Blonde Alone at last.
Mr. Blonde [after cutting off Marvin Nash's ear]
Was that as good for you as it was for me? [steps back and begins talking to the ear] Hey what's goin' on? Can you hear that?
Scenes with Mr. Blonde
7 scenes
You wanna **** with me? I'll show you who you're **** with!
You wanna shoot me, you little piece of shit? Go ahead. Take a shot.
**** you, White. I didn't create the situation, I'm dealing with it! You're acting like a first-year **** thief, I'm acting like a professional! They get him, they get you. They get you, they get closer to me and that can't happen! You're looking at me like it's my fault? I didn't tell him my name, I didn't tell him where I was from! Shit, fifteen minutes ago, you almost told me your name. Your buddy got stuck in a situation you created. So if you wanna throw bad looks somewhere, go look in a mirror!
Mr. Blonde You kids shouldn't play so rough. Somebody's gonna start crying.
Mr. Blonde Hey Joe, you want me to shoot this guy?
Let me tell you what Like a Virgin is about. It's all about a girl who digs a guy with a big dick. The entire song. It's a metaphor for big dicks.
Mr. Blonde No, no. It's about a girl who is very vulnerable. She's been **** over a few times. Then she meets some guy who's really sensitive...
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... Time out, Greenbay. Tell that ****in' bullshit to the tourists.
Like a Virgin is not about some sensitive girl who meets a nice fella. That's what True Blue is about. Granted, no argument about that.
Which one is True Blue?
You ain't heard True Blue? It was a big ass hit for Madonna. I don't even follow this Tops of the Pops shit, and even I've heard of True Blue.
Look, asshole, I didn't say I ain't heard of it. All I asked was how does it go? Excuse me for not being the world's biggest Madonna fan.
Mr. Blonde Personally, I can do without her.
I used to like her early stuff. Borderline - but once she got off with that Papa Don't Preach phase, I tuned out.
You guys are, like, making me lose my... train of thought here. I was saying something, what was it?
Oh, Toby's that little Chinese girl. What was her last name?
What's that?
It's an old address book I found in a coat I haven't worn in a coon's age. What was that name?
What the **** was I talking about?
You said 'True Blue' was about a guy... er.... a sensitive girl who meets a nice guy, but 'Like a Virgin' was a metaphor for big dicks.
O.K., let me tell you what Like a Virgin's about. It's all about this cooze who's a regular **** machine, I'm talking morning, day, night, afternoon: dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick.
How many dicks is that?
A lot.
Then one day she meets this John Holmes mother****er and it's like, whoa baby, I mean this cat is like Charles Bronson in The Great Escape; he's digging tunnels. Now, she's gettin' the serious dick action and she's feeling something she ain't felt since forever. Pain. Pain.
Chu? Toby Chu?
It hurts. It hurts her. It shouldn't hurt her, you know her pussy should be Bubble Yum by now, but when this cat ****s her it hurts. It hurts, just like it did the first time. You see the pain is reminding the **** machine what it once was like to be a virgin. Hence, "Like a Virgin."
You better start talkin', asshole! Cause we got shit we need to talk about. We're already freaked out, we need you actin' freaky like we need a ****in' bag on our hip.
Mr. Blonde [calmly]
OK, let's talk.
We think we got a rat in the house.
I guarantee we got a rat in the house!
Mr. Blonde What makes you say that?
Is that supposed to be funny?
Look, we think this place ain't safe.
This place just ain't secure anymore. We're leaving, you should go with us.
Mr. Blonde Nobody's going anywhere.
Mr. Blonde Don't take another step, Mr. White.
Mr. Blonde [calmly to Mr. Pink]
What's this guy's problem?
What's my problem? Yeah, I gotta ****in' problem! I gotta big ****in' problem with any trigger-happy madman who almost gets me shot!
Mr. Blonde What the **** are you talking about?
That **** shooting spree in the store, remember?!
Mr. Blonde [shrugs]
**** 'em. They set off the alarm. They deserve what they got.
You almost killed me! ASSHOLE! If I had known what kind of guy you were, I never would've agreed to work with you.
Mr. Blonde Are you gonna bark all day, little doggie, or are you gonna bite?
What was that? I'm sorry, I didn't catch it. Would you repeat it?
Mr. Blonde Are you gonna bark all day, little doggie, or are you gonna bite? [throws away his drink]
Oh, Christ, hey, look, you two assholes, calm the **** down! Hey, come on, are we on a playground here, huh?! [pause] Am I the only professional?! You ****in' guys are acting like a bunch of ****in' ****! You work with ****, huh? Just like you two, always sayin' they're gonna kill each other.
Mr. Blonde [menacing]
You ****in' said that?
Yeah, I did, OK? I did. But that was then. Right now, this guy is the only one I completely trust. He's too ****in' homicidal to be workin' with the cops.
You takin' his side?
NO! **** sides, man! What we need here is a little solidarity! Somebody's stickin' a red hot poker up our asses, and I wanna know whose name's on the handle! Now I know I'm no piece of shit... [referring to Mr. White] And I'm pretty sure you're OK... [referring to Mr. Blonde] And I'm ****in' positive you're on the level. So let's try and figure out who the bad guy is, alright?
Mr. Blonde [calming down, chuckling]
Wow, that was really exciting. I bet you're a big Lee Marvin fan, aren't ya? Me too, I love that guy. My heart's beatin' so fast, I'm about to have a heart attack here.
Now, what happened to Brown and Blue?
Brown's dead. We don't know what happened to Blue.
Brown's dead? Are you sure?
I'm sure. I was there. He took one in the head.
Nobody's got a clue what happened to Mr. Blue?
Mr. Blonde Either he's alive or he's dead, or the cops got him... or they don't.
All right, first things ****in' last. Who's got the stones? Please, somebody at least tell me, just one little ****in' favor, just for my sake--
[interrupting]
I got a bag. I got a bag, okay? I stashed it until we could be sure this place wasn't a police station!
Good for you. Now let's go get it. But first we gotta get rid of those cars outside, it looks like Sam's Hot Car Lot out there. Okay. Blondie, you sit here and babysit them two. White and Pink, you take a car each. I'll follow you. You ditch 'em, pick up the stones. And while I'm followin' you, I'll arrange some sort of a doctor for our friend. [pointing at Mr. Orange]
Why not?
Because he's a ****in' psycho. And if you think Joe's pissed off, that ain't nothin' compared to how pissed off I am at him, for puttin' me in the same room as that bastard!
Mr. Blonde You see what I've been puttin' up with, Eddie? I ****in' walked in here, I told these guys about stayin' put, Mr. White whips out his gun, he's stickin' it in my face, callin' me a mother****er, sayin' he's gonna blow me away, and blah blah blah blah blah.
[pointing at Mr. Blonde]
He's the reason the joint turned into a shootin' spree. [to Mr. Pink] What are you, a ****in' silent partner?! Tell him!
He went crazy in the store, but he seems all right now.
This is what he was doin': [mimics Mr. Blonde shooting people in the head] Bam. Bam. Bam. Bam.
Mr. Blonde Yeah, bam bam bam bam bam. I told 'em not to touch the ****in' alarm, they did. If they hadn't've done what I told 'em not to do, they'd still be alive.
Mr. Blonde [taking a bow]
Thanks!
That's your excuse for goin' on a kill-crazy rampage?
Mr. Blonde I don't like alarms, Mr. White.
What does it matter who stays with the cop? We ain't lettin' him go, not after he's seen everybody.
Officer Marvin Nash I haven't been lookin' at you guys--
You guys should have never taken him out of the trunk in the first place.
We tried to find out what he knew about the setup--
[enraged]
THERE IS NO ****IN' SETUP! Now here's the news! Blondie, you stay here and take care of these two! White and Pink, you come with me! 'Cause if Joe gets here and he sees all these cars, I swear to you he's gonna be just as mad at me as he is at you!
Mr. Blonde [about to light the cop on fire]
Have some fire, scarecrow.
