Joe Cabot So, you guys like to tell jokes, huh? Gigglin' and laughin' like a bunch of young broads sittin' in a schoolyard. Well, let me tell a joke. Four guys, sittin' in a bullpen, in San Quentin. All wondering how the **** they got there. What should we have done, what didn't we do, who's fault is it, is it my fault, your fault, his fault, all that bullshit. Then one of them says, hey. Wait a minute. When we were planning this caper, all we did was sit around tellin' ****in' jokes! Get the message? Boys, I don't mean to holler at ya. When this caper's over - and I'm sure it'll be a successful one - we'll get down to the Cayman Islands, hell, I'll roll and laugh with all of ya. You'll find me a different character down there. Right now, it's a matter of business.
[snatches Joe's address book]
Give me this **** thing.
Joe What do you think you're doing? Give me back my book!
I'm sick of **** hearing it Joe, I'll give it back to you when we leave.
Joe What do you mean, give it to me when we leave, give it back now.
For the past fifteen minutes, you've been droning on about names. Toby. Toby? Toby? Toby Wong. Toby Wong? Toby Wong. Toby Chung? **** Charlie Chan. I got Madonna's big dick coming out of my left ear, and Toby the Jap... I-don't-know-what coming out of my right.
Let me say this out loud, 'cause I wanna get it straight in my head. You're saying that Mr. Blonde was gonna kill you, then when we got back, he was going kill us, take the satchel of diamonds, and scram. I'm right about that, right? That's correct? That's your story?
I swear on my mother's eternal soul that's what happened.
The man you just killed was just released from prison. He got caught at a company warehouse full of hot items. He could've ****in' walked. All he had to do was say my dad's name, but he didn't; he kept his **** mouth shut. And did his ****in' time, and he did it like a man. He did four years for us. So, Mr. Orange, you're tellin' me this very good friend of mine, who did four years for my father, who in four years never made a deal, no matter what they dangled in front of him, you're telling me that now, that now this man is free, and we're making good on our commitment to him, he's just gonna decide, out of the **** blue, to rip us off? Why don't you tell me what really happened?
Joe [walks in]
What the hell for? It'd just be more bullshit.
Joe Cabot This man set us up.
Dad I'm sorry but I really don't know what's going on here.
Joe Cabot That's all right Eddie, I'll fill in the blanks for you.
What are you talking about.
Joe Cabot That lump of shit's working for the LAPD.
Joe, I don't have the single, slightest **** idea what you're talking about.
Joe I don't know what you think you know, but you're wrong. I know this man, he wouldn't do that.
Joe Cabot You don't know shit I do the **** tipped off the cops and got Mr. Brown and Mr. Blue killed.
Joe Cabot Dead as Dillinger.
How do you know all of this?
Joe Cabot He was the only one I wasn't a hundred percent on. I should have my **** head examined going in when I wasn't a hundred percent sure.
Joe Cabot [Draws a gun and aims at Orange]
You don't need proof when you got instinct. I ignored it before but no more.
[Mr. White draws a gun and aims at Joe. And Eddie draws a gun and aims at White.]
Have you lost your **** mind?
Joe you are making a mistake, I won't let you do it.
Come on guys. We're supposed to be acting like **** professionals.
Joe you shoot that man, you die next. Repeat: You shoot that man, you die next.
Larry, it's been a long time, a lot of jobs. We've been through a lot of shit. You respect me and I respect you, but I will put bullets in your heart if you don't put that **** gun down now. Let's all just put our guns down and settle this with a **** conversation.
Goddamn you, Joe. Don't make me do this.
LARRY YOU STOP POINTING THAT **** GUN AT MY DAD!
[White, Eddie, Joe and Orange are all shot simultaniously.]
Let me tell you what Like a Virgin is about. It's all about a girl who digs a guy with a big dick. The entire song. It's a metaphor for big dicks.
No, no. It's about a girl who is very vulnerable. She's been **** over a few times. Then she meets some guy who's really sensitive...
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... Time out, Greenbay. Tell that ****in' bullshit to the tourists.
Joe Cabot [looking at his address book]
Toby... Who the **** is Toby?
Like a Virgin is not about some sensitive girl who meets a nice fella. That's what True Blue is about. Granted, no argument about that.
You ain't heard True Blue? It was a big ass hit for Madonna. I don't even follow this Tops of the Pops shit, and even I've heard of True Blue.
Look, asshole, I didn't say I ain't heard of it. All I asked was how does it go? Excuse me for not being the world's biggest Madonna fan.
Personally, I can do without her.
I used to like her early stuff. Borderline - but once she got off with that Papa Don't Preach phase, I tuned out.
You guys are, like, making me lose my... train of thought here. I was saying something, what was it?
Joe Cabot Oh, Toby's that little Chinese girl. What was her last name?
Joe Cabot It's an old address book I found in a coat I haven't worn in a coon's age. What was that name?
What the **** was I talking about?
You said 'True Blue' was about a guy... er.... a sensitive girl who meets a nice guy, but 'Like a Virgin' was a metaphor for big dicks.
O.K., let me tell you what Like a Virgin's about. It's all about this cooze who's a regular **** machine, I'm talking morning, day, night, afternoon: dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick.
Then one day she meets this John Holmes mother****er and it's like, whoa baby, I mean this cat is like Charles Bronson in The Great Escape; he's digging tunnels. Now, she's gettin' the serious dick action and she's feeling something she ain't felt since forever. Pain. Pain.
Joe Cabot Chu? Toby Chu?
It hurts. It hurts her. It shouldn't hurt her, you know her pussy should be Bubble Yum by now, but when this cat ****s her it hurts. It hurts, just like it did the first time. You see the pain is reminding the **** machine what it once was like to be a virgin. Hence, "Like a Virgin."
Joe So, you guys like to tell jokes, huh? Gigglin' and laughin' like a bunch of young broads sittin' in a schoolyard. Well, let me tell a joke. Five guys, sittin' in a bullpen, in San Quentin. All wondering how the **** they got there. What should we have done, what didn't we do, who's fault is it, is it my fault, your fault, his fault, all that bullshit. Then one of them says, hey. Wait a minute. When we were planning this caper, all we did was sit around tellin' ****in' jokes! Get the message? Boys, I don't mean to holler at ya. When this caper's over - and I'm sure it'll be a successful one - we'll get down to the Hawaiian Islands, hell, I'll roll and laugh with all of ya. You'll find me a different character down there. Right now, it's a matter of business. With the exception of Eddie and myself, whom you already know, we're going to be using aliases on this job. Under no circumstances do I want any one of you to relate to each other by your Christian names, and I don't want any talk about yourself personally. That includes where you been, your wife's name, where you might've done time, or maybe a bank you robbed in St. Petersburg. All I want you guys to talk about, if you have to, is what you're going to do. That should do it. Here are your names... [pointing to each respective member] Mr. Brown, Mr. White, Mr. Blonde, Mr. Blue, Mr. Orange, and Mr. Pink.
Joe Because, you're a ****, alright?!
[Mr. Brown laughs]
Why can't we pick our own colors?
Joe No way, no way. Tried it once, doesn't work. You got four guys all fighting over who's gonna be Mr. Black, but they don't know each other, so nobody wants to back down. No way. I pick. You're Mr. Pink. Be thankful you're not Mr. Yellow.
Yeah, but Mr. Brown? That's a little too close to Mr. Shit.
Mr. Pink sounds like Mr. Pussy. How 'bout if I'm Mr. Purple? That sounds good to me. I'll be Mr. Purple.
Joe You're not Mr. Purple. Some guy on some other job is Mr. Purple. You're Mr. PINK.
Who cares what your name is?
Yeah, that's easy for your to say, you're Mr. White. You have a cool-sounding name. Alright look, if it's no big deal to be Mr. Pink, you wanna trade?
Joe Hey! NOBODY'S trading with ANYBODY. This ain't a goddamn **** city council meeting, you know. Now listen up, Mr. Pink. There's two ways you can go on this job: my way or the highway. Now what's it gonna be, Mr. Pink?
Jesus Christ, Joe, **** forget about it. It's beneath me. I'm Mr. Pink. Let's move on.
Joe I'll move on when I feel like it... All you guys got the goddamn message?... I'm so Goddamn mad, hollering at you guys, I can hardly talk. Pssh. Let's go to work.
