Saul What's down there, a **** Rancor?
Most-quoted character in Pineapple Express (2008): in 35 of its 83 quotes
Most scenes with: Dale Denton (10), Red (6)
"(on phone with Red) Now listen, I'm gonna come by. I gotta lay some shit on you. There is a fly in the ointment. Shit has hit the fan. The lion will speak."
More lines from Saul
23 quotes Saul Saul [as he is just about to punch Carol in the face]
You're in the jungle now, Baby!
Saul [About to fire his gun at Carol]
**** THE POLICE!
Saul When my foot was in the hole – and my groin – man, I felt like a wishbone.
Saul [Saul talking to Red on the phone]
Well be careful, man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Saul "[While hitch-hiking]" Hey look, it's like my thumb is my ****.
Saul Holy ****!
Saul I'm gonna **** become a civil engineer. Design septic tanks for playgrounds. Little kids can take shits.
Saul [listening to Dale's job description]
Butler? Chauffeur? Shine shoes? In process. Subpoenas. Disguises.
Saul [after Dale attempts to inform him he saw a murder]
A cop, a lady, and a guy man that's like a massacre.You saw that?
Saul [referencing Pineapple Express]
It's like the rarest. It's almost a shame to smoke it. It's like killing a unicorn. With like a bomb.
Saul He's a **** linger-er, you know what I mean, man? He just lingers.
Saul [referencing Pineapple Express]
My friend, this is like if that Blue Oyster shit met that Afghan Kush i had, and they had a baby... And then meanwhile, that crazy Northern Lights stuff I had and the Super Red Espresso Snowflake met and had a baby... And by some miracle, those two babies met and ****; this would be the shit they birthed.
Saul I'm done with the woods, man. Let's go.
Saul I thought hurricane season was over.
Saul Wait...what do you mean it's dead?
Saul **** Jeff Goldblum, man.
Saul Hands down the ****en dopest dope I've ever smoked.
Saul We are BFFFs, best **** friends forever!
Saul The car committed suicide because of your face.
Saul [Describing how to smoke a cross joint]
What you do... is you light all three ends at the same, and the smoke converges, creating a "trifecta" of joint-smoking power. This is it, man. This is what your grandchildren are gonna be smoking. Future, the future.
Saul Bitch , Aint got no time for that.
Saul Gotcha bitch.
Scenes with Saul
11 scenes Saul (Jumps into a dumpster)
I think we should stay here.
Why?
Saul 'Cause I am in the dumpster already.
Saul My favorite part of this was when we were in the car chase.
You guys were in a car chase? Aw, man, that must have been sweet!
Saul Yeah, it was, man. I had my leg stuck in the windshield and everything!
Saul I can't see. The wipers don't work!
Well, kick the windshield out. Isn't that what they do?
Saul (kicks his leg through the windshield)
Ouch! ****, I think I pulled my groin!
Saul Why are we even here? This place is so ****in' scary!
At least I had an idea. You didn't have any ideas, so shut up!
Saul That's not true! I had two ideas: "Nowhere" and "Quizno's".
What else?
Okay, uh, he's at war right now with the Asians. They're, like, in a drug war, right now.
The Asians? What? What Asians?! Indians are technically Asians!
Saul It's true.
What Asians?
Oh, I don't know, what, uh, Chinese? Or Korean? Or, uh, um--
Saul Viet Cong?
Yeah, little--little--just, little Asian people, like--the Asians, with the guns, and the drugs, and not his friends.
Okay, even if he found that roach, how could he know where you are?
Saul Um, heat seeking missiles, um, bloodhounds, foxes, barracudas.
I'm just--I'm kinda flabbergasted when you say things like that. It's weird.
Saul Thank you.
Not a compliment.
Saul Let's roll, man! I'm done with the woods! Let's go! C'mon, man, let's get the **** outta here.
Saul Wait.... What do you mean, it's dead?
Saul No, no. What do you mean, the battery's dead?
How can I explain this to you differently? The battery is dead. It ceased to live. It's deceased now. The car needs a battery to start, Saul.
Saul [frustrated sigh]
How did this happen?
Well we clearly fell asleep with the battery on and-
Saul Aw, man... Talk radio?
Yes, talk radio.
Saul So boring, man. The car just committed suicide.
(while Dale and Saul are visiting Red)
Dudes, seriously. We came here for a reason. (to Saul) Just ask him.
That's great. Just--
We got a lot of time to hang out, I'm making a **** cake.
No shit. (to Saul) Just ask him, man.
Saul Can I have a piece of that?
What are you doing? Don't ask for a piece.
Saul (to Red)
I can't have a piece of that?
(is almost done frosting the cake)
No, you cannot have a piece, this is private. You know what today is?
Saul Tuesday.
This is my cat's birthday today.
I don't see a cat in here. I'm sorry. Did you let it out by accident?
No, because he died three months ago, okay? So now who's the funny guy, huh?
Sorry.
All right? Today is his birthday, and it is a tradition that on his birthday, I get up extra early and make him his favorite kind of, uh, dessert.
Saul Don't worry, bro, your cat's going to Heaven.
Yeah, maybe. Maybe he went to Heaven. He was a little ****er. He could've gone to Hell.
You're sure We can trust this guy?
Saul Yo, Red.
Who is it?
Saul It's Bruce.
Bruce? Who the **** is this? Saul. What's up?
Saul Who do you think it is?
Who's this?
I'm Dale, Mr. Red. Nice to meet you.
Dale who?
It's best if you don't know my full name.
Saul Dale Denton. don't worry He's with me.
Dale Denton. Nice to meet you, bro. Hold on. Let me get this lock, okay
Saul You better.
Get in here.
Saul Coming in.
Y,all Wanna buy some drugs?
Saul Frisk me.
What's up? What's up? What's up?
Saul Get it.
Give it. give it. Look at that, huh? What's up, players?
Saul What's up?
I've been up in here trying to get a mother**** scholarship. Chilling. What's up with the clothes?
Saul Oh We were camping.
Camping?
Saul Yeah.
Is your, uh, is your lip okay, man?
Saul You been crying?
(clearly bruised and cut)
Oh, my, my lip? Uh, it's a cold sore. Never had one before so uh, I started to cry. I think it's like, a lot worse than it looks, though. It's like a simple kind of....
Saul (interrupting Red)
S-so... does that mean ****in' herpes?
Yeah, y-yeah, yes it does.
Saul Wow! ****in' sick, man! You know how many joints we've shared?!
I know, I'm a disgusting person...
Saul Ugh, herpes is for LIFE, bro!
Ya, well I'm gonna try to definitely put some sort of medical.. ointment on it. I've been taking vicoden. That doesn't really take the swelling down though.
Saul It's from that time. I told you, man. You ate that lollipop out of that stripper's snatch. You wanted to do it.
Out of her vagina. Remember what you did? What did you do? You ate a box of Nerds out of her butthole.
Saul You **** said you wouldn't tell. You sowed your own poison, man.
Look, uh, we don't want to bring you into what we're in, okay? You don't want any trouble, we don't wanna give you trouble, so it's probably best you don't know the whole story, okay?
You don't think I can handle danger?
What are you talking about?
Saul He can!
I totally can! And for you to come into my house, and not tell secrets because you think you're saving me... Well, in reality it just makes you look like a dumbass, okay? Cause look at this!
(Red shows Dale his armpits and points to them along with Saul)
You see this? You see that? There's no hair under here bro! Okay?
What's the significance of that?
It makes me aerodynamic when I fight! I can take danger!
Okay, has anyone called asking about Saul or the Pineapple Express? That's all we need to know.
"uh-uh."
Saul "uh-huh"
"uh-huh"
"uh-uh."
Is it "uh-huh" or "uh-uh"?
It's "uh-uh."
Saul There it is, man. Cleared. Over. Everything's fine. I told you, bro. We had a Wacky night in the woods... ...but we both can put that behind us like adults. Now it's time to get super-duper high. Got that bong I got in Tel Aviv?
Bong Mitzvah." Hit it up dude.
Saul Yes.
Seriously! I know this sounds weird but can we be best friends? Just us? Forreal?
I think we should ALL be best friends!
We should be! You guys ARE my best friends. We shared a moment.
Saul You guys are like, both of my best friends and you didn't even know it but now you know it and we'll all be best friends!
You know what we should get?! You know those hearts that break up and it's like, "BEST FRIENDS"? We should get like, a 3-way one of those, man!
Saul (while Dale is talking)
3-way! 3-way!
I don't even know if they **** MAKE those!
We should make the first ones!
Saul 3-way! I want the middle piece though! It'll be crooked on both sides!
Saul [Dale and Saul just evaded the police]
Hey, you all right, man? You sound pretty hectic.
I'm okay. Let's just get the **** out of here, okay?
Saul All right. [he takes out a pipe and an ounce of marijuana] First things first. [takes out a lighter to light up the pipe, as he is about to smoke it]
Don't... do that, okay?
Saul [stops lighting and puts down the pipe and lighter]
Yeah, why not?
Why not? Car chase, gunshots. That clearly just happened, because we were smoking marijuana.
Saul Naw, man. That happened 'cause those **** kids couldn't keep their shit on the down low, man.
In case you haven't noticed, which you haven't, 'cause from what I can tell, you don't notice ANYTHING, EVER, we are not very functional when we're high, which is all the ****in' time!
Saul Well, I don't know, man. I think I'm functioning right now. I was like, stoned when I saved you with those slushies. What do you gotta say to that, man?
Okay. Well, that would be true... if you HAD saved me, but you didn't save me, she was gonna help us, and you made things worse, and now were wanted for all sorts of ****in' crazy shit!
Saul Don't **** get on my case, all right? Look, the only reason I started selling pot is so I could put my bubbe in a nice retirement home.
Oh, yeah. She must be proud of you for that.
Saul She is really proud of me. And I'm gonna become something, man. As soon as she dies, I'm gonna become a civil engineer. I'm gonna design septic tanks for playgrounds. Little kids can take shits! You idiot. What the hell do you do?
You mean besides stay in my home, for fear that you designed some object I'm around? I'm gonna be on the radio, talking about LIFE! Giving lessons about life!
Saul Oh, well, in my place, I'm gonna be designing buildings and what's he gonna be doing? BORING PEOPLE TO DEATH ON THE RADIO!
You are an asshole. That's all you are, you're an asshole.
Saul I'm not an asshole!
You are an asshole!
Saul No, you know what? I'm-- I'm-- I feel pretty-- pretty sure that I'm not an asshole. I'm, like, a totally nice guy.
I'm just as nice as you are, so you don't bring that out. When we were in the woods, I gave you my jacket. YOU WERE COLD, AND I CLOTHED YOU!
Saul What about in the park, where I said that you were my friend? You didn't say anything back.
Well, that's easy, it's because we're NOT friends. You are my drug dealer. There's one reason we know each other, I like the drugs you sell, that's it. And if you didn't sell those drugs, I would have no idea who you were, and I would be fantastic right now! Instead of looking like this.
