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Oh, God!

Oh, God! quotes

30 total quotes


Bobbie Landers
Jerry Landers


View Quote If you find it hard to believe in me, maybe it would help you to know that I believe in you.
View Quote Put down that man—and women persons—their existence means exactly and precisely, not more, not one tiny bit less, just what they think it means, and what I think doesn't count at all.
View Quote Bobbie Landers:  Oh, God "doesn't care about religion"?
Jerry Landers:  Well, that's what He said.
View Quote Court Clerk:  You swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?
God:  So help me, Me.
View Quote God:  Come take a look.
Jerry Landers:  I can't.  I'm naked.
GodYou think I don't know what you got?  That was another little goof of mine: shame.  I don't know why I thought we needed shame.
View Quote God:  Last question.
Jerry Landers:  Thank God!
God:  You're welcome.
View Quote God:  [speaking through an intercom]  How often do you talk with God?
Jerry Landers:  Practically never.
View Quote God:  [speaking through an intercom]  Tobacco was one of my big mistakes.
Jerry Landers:  Mistakes?
God:  You try.  Ostriches were a mistake.  Silly-looking things.  Avocados, made the pit too big.  Like I say, you try.
View Quote God:  [speaking through an intercom]  Well, you're not allowed to see me.
Jerry Landers:  Why not.
God:  Because.
Jerry LandersThat's no answer.
God:  Sue me.
View Quote God:  [speaking through Jerry's car radio]  Jerry.  [Jerry, surprised, begins fiddling with the nobs]  Do you want me to talk louder?
Jerry Landers:  Oh, God!
God:  I thought you didn't believe in me.
Jerry Landers:  Uh…that's just an expression.
God:  I'm more than that, and I want you to spread the word.
View Quote God:  [speaking through Jerry's car radio]  You can do it, it's only one message.  Moses had to handle ten.
Jerry Landers:  B-but you gave him tablets.
God:  He had a bad memory.
View Quote Jerry Landers:  How can you permit all the suffering that goes on in the world?
God:  Ah, how can I permit the suffering?
Jerry Landers:  Yeah!
GodI don't permit the suffering, you do.  Free will.  All the choices are yours.
View Quote Jerry Landers:  I don't believe the Red Sea, and I don't believe six days to create the world.
God:  You're right.
Jerry Landers:  I am?
God:  Tell you the honest truth, I thought about it for five days and did the whole job in one.
View Quote Jerry Landers:  I don't belong to any church!
God:  [speaking through an intercom]  Neither do I.
View Quote Jerry Landers:  Who are you?
God:  [speaking through an intercom]  You read the note.
Jerry Landers:  Who's that, Artie?
God:  God.
Jerry Landers:  Come on, Artie.
God:  No, it's me, God.
Jerry Landers:  God.
God:  Right, God.  God Almighty.  Big G.