Nanny McPhee and the Big Bang 2010 quotes

Celia

Where are we?

Cyril

We're in the land of poo. Duck poo, hen poo, cow poo, goat poo. Poo as far as the eye can see.

Blenkinsop

Here we are then. Out you get.

Cyril

In fact, it's a British museum of poo.

Celia

Have you gone completely insane, Blenkinsop? Mummy would never send me to a place like this. Take me home. [screams as Vincent frightens her] You see?! They are savages. I refuse to leave the car!

Cyril

Oh, put a sock in it, Ceels! We've got no choice.

Celia

Take me home right now!

Cyril

And you know why we haven't got a choice too. So let's just stop pretending we're here because of bombs.

Celia

They're probably cannibals! Did you see that thing out the window?

Cyril

Greetings, O covered-in-poo people. Do you speak English?

Norman

You're early.

Cyril

Yes, poo man. We've come from far away. Far from the land of soap and indoor toilets.

Mrs. Docherty

Are you off?

Nanny McPhee

I am. Thank you for having me to stay, Aggie.

Mrs. Docherty

Thank you for asking, Nanny McPhee.
[they embrace in a hug, then Nanny McPhee walks away]

Nanny McPhee

Good evening, Mrs. Green. I am Nanny McPhee.

Isabel

Oh, you’re it! I mean, her. Who-who are you?

Nanny McPhee

I am Nanny McPhee. Small C, Big P.

Isabel

Right. Thing is, I haven’t hired a nanny. I don’t need a nanny. I’m managing perfectly well. I never had a nanny because I don’t want a nanny.

Nanny McPhee

I am an army nanny, Mrs. Green, I have been deployed.

Isabel

No, no, no, no there must be some mistake everything’s under control here.

Cyril

Get away from me, you oik from Hell!

Isabel

That’s Cyril. He’s not mine. He's their cousin.

Norman

Come back here, you parasitic poshie!

Isabel

And that's Norman. He is mine. They've just met. They're getting to know each other...through play.

Vincent

Kill the townies and eat their heads!

Isabel

It's the war. Not a very good influence.

Nanny McPhee

Indeed. May I come in?

Isabel

Must you? I mean, yes of course you must. Tea?

Nanny McPhee

Perhaps later. Let me introduce myself to the children.

Isabel

No wait!

Nanny McPhee

Why don’t you put the kettle on? I shan't be a moment.

Nanny McPhee

In the absence of any spare beds, Norman, I presume, will be sharing with Cyril?

Norman

I'd rather share with a goat.

Cyril

A goat wouldn't have you, and neither will I.

Nanny McPhee

I see. Celia, Megsie, would you be willing to share the bed?

Celia

I'm not sharing anything with that vicious harpy!

Megsie

I'd rather share with Geraldine!

Vincent

She’s our cow. And I'd rather share with...an elephant!

Nanny McPhee

Thank you, Vincent, but you will not be required to share.

Vincent

Haha! I don't have to share! I don’t have to share!

Norman

No!

Vincent

DAD'S JAM!!!

Norman

Put the jam down. [he and Cyril stare at each other]

Cyril

It's only jam.

Megsie

In case you hadn't noticed, there's a war on. We saved our sugar coupons for months to make that jam. You touch it, and I'll mash you.

Cyril

Oops. Touched it.

Celia

I'm going to wake up and this will all be a nasty dream. [Norman, Megsie and Vincent start chasing Cyril] I'm going to wake up, and I'll be in Harrods with Mummy. The shoe department. My maid tells me they have arrived, so Mummy and I have come to collect them. Would you go and fetch them for me? I'm going to wake up and there'll be some pink patent pumps.

Cyril

Ceels, catch! [slides Mr. Green's jam jar]

Celia

Mummy's already ordered a beautiful pair in mauve with a matching cloak, and I gather they will be here today.

Norman

That's it. They die.

Nanny McPhee

Courage, kindness, resolve, imagination, enthusiasm, basket-work, and leaps of faith.

Mrs. Docherty

Nanny McPhee doesn't like goodbyes. I remember from when I was little.

Nanny McPhee

These children require 5 lessons, Mrs. Green.

Mrs. Docherty

When you need her, but do not want her, then she must stay. When you want her, but no longer need her, then she has to go.

Nanny McPhee

When you need me, but do not want me, then I must stay. When you want me, but no longer need me, then I have to go.