Mike the Bartender quotes from Mr. Destiny (1990)

Mike the Bartender

You'll find a lot of people don't like you, Larry.

Mike the Bartender

Saw the game, kid. Tough break.

You said it, mister. I blew it good.

Mike the Bartender

Don't worry too much about it. Remember, you've got your whole life to look forward to. Things will work out just fine. Trust me.

Old fart. What the hell does he know?

Larry Joseph Burrows

35 years old, and my life is shit.

Mike the Bartender

Can't be all that bad.

Larry Joseph Burrows

It's not that it's bad, you know, it's just that it's ordinary.

Larry Joseph Burrows

So, Mike, do you do this a lot, I mean, you know, change peoples' lives and stuff?

Mike the Bartender

I've been known to make a few adjustments now and again.

Larry Joseph Burrows

How can my life change so much just because I hit one stinking baseball?

Mike the Bartender

Well, you see Larry, one's destiny is a very complicated thing. Every incident in a person's life affects everything else that follows it. Instead of missing the baseball, however, you hit it. Then you became a hero, married the prom queen, and so on, and so forth, until you find yourself exactly where you are. So you see, hitting that baseball has spun your life off in an entirely new direction.

Larry Joseph Burrows

Are you an angel or something?

Mike the Bartender

Not exactly, no.

Larry Joseph Burrows

Then what are you?

Mike the Bartender

Have you ever been faced with a decision, and you weren't sure what to do?

Larry Joseph Burrows

Yeah, sure, plenty of times.

Mike the Bartender

And then something inside you made you choose one direction over another?

Larry Joseph Burrows

Yeah. So?

Mike the Bartender

So that's me. I make the suggestions, and you make the choices. That's how destiny works, Larry - very subtly. Welcome to your new life, Larry. I hope you like it.

Larry Joseph Burrows

Is there anything else that's gonna come as a shock?

Mike the Bartender

It all will, to some degree.

Larry Joseph Burrows

To what degree?

Mike the Bartender

You'll see. Things have changed, Larry. You have to take the bad with the good. You didn't think everything was gonna be perfect, did you?

Larry Joseph Burrows

Well, I... I... I suppose not.

Mike the Bartender

This is your life, Larry. Learn to enjoy what you've got.

Mike the Bartender

Your destiny has been changed, Larry, by request, I might add. And you must take responsibility for the circumstances of your new life. They are, after all, of your own making.

Larry Joseph Burrows

Well, if I made 'em, I can unmake 'em!

Larry Joseph Burrows

Thanks. Thanks for everything. The good and the bad. Boy, you sure do know how to make a point. Oh, and listen, Mike - whatever you've got planned for the rest of my life? It's perfect.

Mike the Bartender

Happy birthday, Larry.