Larry Joseph Burrows Why is it every time you have a mouthful of freeze-dried coffee, your boss walks in on you?
Played by Jim Belushi 
Mr. Destiny (1990) · 26 quotes
Mr. Destiny (1990) · 26 quotes
Most-quoted character in Mr. Destiny (1990): in 19 of its 26 quotes
Most scenes with: Mike the Bartender (6), Ellen Jane Burrows (2)
Destiny's a pretty big concept, when you think about it. Where you are in life, how you got there, what would have happened if one thing or another had been different. To be honest, I never gave it much thought, myself, until today, June 14th, my 35th birthday, and without a doubt, the strangest day of my life. Do you remember the old story that starts, "This guy goes into a bar"? Well, I'm the guy, and here's the story.
More lines from Larry Joseph Burrows
6 quotes Larry Joseph Burrows Larry Joseph Burrows Why is it every time your best friend's kissing you on the head, a beautiful woman comes along and catches you?
Larry Joseph Burrows Why is it when you do something terrific, nine times out of 10 you're all alone, but when you screw up really big, the whole world is watching?
Larry Joseph Burrows How well do you remember 1970?
Larry Joseph Burrows [voice over]
Maybe it was because it was my birthday. Maybe it was seeing Cindy Jo. I don't know. But all morning I'd been thinking about what it would have been like if my life had turned out differently.
Larry Joseph Burrows How about that! The desk is wired to my ass!
Scenes with Larry Joseph Burrows
12 scenes
Clip Metzler, Larry's Best Friend
Well, you know what your problem is? Nothing's ever good enough for you. Way I see it, you've got the perfect life. You've got a wonderful home, a terrific wife, a good job, and the best friend money can buy. What else could a guy want?
Larry Joseph Burrows A little excitement would be nice.
Larry Joseph Burrows [voice-over]
Why is it every time you break into your boss's office, he always walks in on you?
Niles Pender Lose something, Burrows?
Larry Joseph Burrows Something tells me I have.
Larry Joseph Burrows 35 years old, and my life is shit.
Can't be all that bad.
Larry Joseph Burrows It's not that it's bad, you know, it's just that it's ordinary.
Larry Joseph Burrows Sometimes I get the distinct feeling I'm missing out on something.
Harry Burrows
Well, what she's got - and she's got plenty you don't need.
Larry Joseph Burrows You sure?
Harry Burrows
[pause]
Not absolutely. But if I ever tried to find out, your mother would kill me.
Larry Joseph Burrows You're the dad every kid dreams of, you know that?
Larry Joseph Burrows So, Mike, do you do this a lot, I mean, you know, change peoples' lives and stuff?
I've been known to make a few adjustments now and again.
Larry Joseph Burrows How can my life change so much just because I hit one stinking baseball?
Well, you see Larry, one's destiny is a very complicated thing. Every incident in a person's life affects everything else that follows it. Instead of missing the baseball, however, you hit it. Then you became a hero, married the prom queen, and so on, and so forth, until you find yourself exactly where you are. So you see, hitting that baseball has spun your life off in an entirely new direction.
Larry Joseph Burrows Are you an angel or something?
Not exactly, no.
Larry Joseph Burrows Then what are you?
Have you ever been faced with a decision, and you weren't sure what to do?
Larry Joseph Burrows Yeah, sure, plenty of times.
And then something inside you made you choose one direction over another?
Larry Joseph Burrows Yeah. So?
So that's me. I make the suggestions, and you make the choices. That's how destiny works, Larry - very subtly. Welcome to your new life, Larry. I hope you like it.
Larry Joseph Burrows Is there anything else that's gonna come as a shock?
It all will, to some degree.
Larry Joseph Burrows To what degree?
You'll see. Things have changed, Larry. You have to take the bad with the good. You didn't think everything was gonna be perfect, did you?
Larry Joseph Burrows Well, I... I... I suppose not.
This is your life, Larry. Learn to enjoy what you've got.
Your destiny has been changed, Larry, by request, I might add. And you must take responsibility for the circumstances of your new life. They are, after all, of your own making.
Larry Joseph Burrows Well, if I made 'em, I can unmake 'em!
Larry, if we had such a great life together, why'd you want it changed?
Larry Joseph Burrows (pause)
I guess... I just didn't know what I had.
I was wrong about you. I think you're a wonderful man. I wish it could've been different between us. I guess it just wasn't meant to be. Sorry.
Larry Joseph Burrows [long pause as Ellen walks away]
Wait a minute, that's bullshit! It was meant to be!
Cindy Jo Bumpers I wish I'd known it was your birthday, I would have gotten you something.
Larry Joseph Burrows Well, Cindy Jo, you've already given me more than you could possibly know. Really.
Larry Joseph Burrows Thanks. Thanks for everything. The good and the bad. Boy, you sure do know how to make a point. Oh, and listen, Mike - whatever you've got planned for the rest of my life? It's perfect.
