Jerry Welbach You're missing the grand design here! If I don't go, I'm dead! Yeah. And it's a little hard to carry on a relationship when I'm stuffed with straw and formaldehyde.
Played by Brad Pitt 
The Mexican (2001) · 25 quotes
The Mexican (2001) · 25 quotes
Most-quoted character in The Mexican (2001): in 14 of its 25 quotes
Most scenes with: Samantha Barzel (5), Bernie Nayman (3)
I need a lift in your el truck-o to the next town-o!
More lines from Jerry Welbach
2 quotes Jerry Welbach Jerry Welbach I don't know what it takes! I'm new in the **** you business.
Scenes with Jerry Welbach
11 scenes
It burns my ass to write you a check every week. That's an issue.
Jerry I can explain what happened.
You say to people "I can explain what happened" when it's a once in a while, blue moon thing.
Bobby Victory
It's every time with you, Jerry.
It's every **** time.
Jerry Oh, Ok, I was under the impression, with Margolese getting out of jail and all, that the last job, was my last job.
You **** up that job.
Bobby Victory
You **** up that job, Jerry.
Yeah, this job, will be your last job.
Jerry The group thinks we're married. I accepted the potato slicer for our anniversary. Right, sweets? I go along.
Jerry Baby, what are you doing?
You said this was your last job, Jerry!
Jerry What do you want me to say? I'm sorry, I can't, the old lady wants me to quit. **** off.
Yes! Something like that. Like exactly!
Jerry I'm not in insurance, sweetie!
All right. Jerry, I want you to acknowledge that my needs means nothing to you and you're a selfish prick and a liar.
Jerry Oh, my God!
Jerry, acknowledge.
Jerry I... Ok. I will acknowledge that I promised to go to Vegas with you. But now we're just slightly delayed. If you want to construe my wanting to stay alive as being selfish, well, then okay. But I have every intention of going with you because your needs are very important to me, sweetheart. Come on. Look at my all my stuff here, all over the pavement. Come on, baby? Huh? What do you say? Ok?
I'm going with or without you, Jerry. What's it gonna be? A bastard!
Jerry A bastard. What happened to, uh, "sweetheart" and "big love" and all those things you called me in the bedroom last night?
The only thing I'm interested in calling you, Jerry, is a cab!
I know we're all a little grouchy right now. We'll get something to eat, you'll get the pistol and then we'll go our separate ways.
Really separate ways.
Jerry Don't start, Sam.
Shut up. I'll start because I have the right...
Jerry Why do you do that? Do not tell me to shut up. We had an agreement, remember?
Shut up.
Why don't we all shut up a bit?
Jerry I swear to God, I will crash this **** car right now.
Jerry, don't do that.
Jerry I will. One more word out of you. Another word, Sam. One more word. I swear to **** God.
Naugahyde.
Jerry All right.
Car Thief
If you're going to kill me, at least tell me who it is that's going to send me to God. Tell me!
Jerry Look, I'm not going to kill you. But I am going to shoot you.
Car Thief
But why, sir? Why?
Jerry Why? Why? Because you stole from me and you know about the pistol and you're just going to steal again and I can't have you coming back in the situation like a fly in the ointment.
Car Thief
No, I won't be a fly! You'll never see me again.
Jerry Look, you're getting shot and that's it. It will take you time to get to the next town especially if you're limping.
Car Thief
Wait, wait! What? Limping? Can't you just tie me up some more? I mean, ****. You shoot me? Tie me!
Jerry Yeah, I don't have a rope.
Car Thief
So you shoot me?
Jerry It's the American way.
Do you have any idea what I have been through these last few days?
Jerry Oh, Sam, whatever you've been through multiply that by 1000 and you'll have a vague conception of where I'm at.
Oh! Oh, isn't that typical, Jerry? It's all a competition. Tit for tat, tat for tit.
Jerry Stop yelling, for Christ sake! Listen, how are you? Are you ok? Are you all right? Where are you?
Toluca airport, Jerry. And things are shitty, really shitty!
Jerry Yeah..."you're just doing your job..."
Ted
Hey, I do what I have to do, okay?
Jerry Would you listen to yourself? You sound like Schultz from Hogan's Heroes! [Imitating] "I know nothing! Nothing!"
Jerry, You're a **** moron. Here are your options: Number 1, I roll you up to the neck in a carpet, stuff you into the back of a sedan, and light you on fire with gasoline. You with me? Choice one.
Jerry Yeah.
Number 2, You like sex and travel? What, you like to have sex, you like to travel? You get you ass on a flight to Mexico. All the ten dollar hookers you can shake your stick at. You pick up a pistol that belongs to Margolese. What's it going to be?
Jerry Hola!
Mexican Policeman
Is this your dog?
Jerry Uh, sort of...
Mexican Policeman
He does have a personality, that certainly counts for something.
Jerry Yeah, good guy...
Mexican Policeman
This your car?
Jerry Yeah, it's a rental... I'm an American.
Mexican Policeman
No shit?
Jerry Yeah.
Mexican Policeman
Really?
Jerry Yeah, yeah...
Mexican Policeman
I am a Mexican.
Jerry [pause and nod]
Cool.
