Mean Girls quotes

View Quote I want to lose three pounds.

View Quote Stop trying to make fetch happen, it's NOT going to happen!

View Quote Mom, please stop talking.

View Quote Ms. Norbury: Well, this has been sufficiently awkward...
Aaron Samuels: Your face smells like peppermint!
Emma Gerber: Watch where you're going fat-ass!
Homeschooled Boy: And on the third day, God created the Remington bolt-action rifle, so that Man could fight the dinosaurs. And the homosexuals. Amen.
Jessica Lopez: I don't hate you 'cause you're fat... you're fat 'cause I hate you. [dives backwards in her wheelchair into the crowd of girls]
Ms. Norbury: Oh, hi. Did you wanna buy some drugs?
Coach Carr: Don't have sex. Because you will get pregnant and die. Don't do it in the missionary position, don't do it standing up. Just don't do it. Promise? Okay everybody grab some rubbers!
Michigan Girl: Alyssa, I'm sorry I called you a gap-toothed bitch. It's not your fault you're so gap-toothed.
Crying Girl: [Crying] I wish we were all happy like we used to be in middle school. I wish I could bake a cake full of rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy.(Damian: She doesn't even go here! Ms. Norbury: Do you even go this school?) No...I just have a lot of feelings...
Amber D'Alessio: [reads Burn Book paper] Made out with a hotdog? Oh my God, that was one time!
Homeschooled Girl: X-Y-L-O-C-A-R-P...XYLOCARP
Ms. Norbury: The only guy who calls my house is Randy from Chase Visa.

View Quote Janis: That one there, that's Karen Smith. She is one of the dumbest girls you will ever meet. Damien sat next to her in English last year.
Damian: She asked me how to spell "orange".
[Cady snickers]
Janis: That little one, that's Gretchen Wieners.
Damian: She's totally rich because her dad invented Toaster Strudels.
Janis: Gretchen Wieners knows everybody's business, she knows everything about everyone.
Damian: That's why her hair is so big, it's full of secrets.
Janis: And evil takes a human form in Regina George. Don't be fooled because she may seem like your typical selfish, back-stabbing slut faced ho-bag, but in reality, she's so much more than that.
Damian: She's the queen bee - the star, those other two are just her little workers.

View Quote Karen: Ma'am, do you have this in the next size up?
Saleslady: Sorry, we only carry sizes 1, 3 and 5. You could try Sears.

View Quote Regina: She thinks she's gonna have a party and not invite me? Who does she think she is?
Shane Oman: You're right, hon.
Regina: I, like, invented her, you know what I mean?

View Quote Karen: Why are you dressed so scary?
Cady: It's Halloween.

View Quote Damian: [delivering candy canes] Taylor Zimmermann, two for you. Glenn Coco? FOUR for you, Glenn Coco! You go, Glenn Coco. And, uh... "Caddy" Heron. Do we have a "Caddy" Heron here?
Cady: It's Cady.
Damian: Oh, Cady, here you go, one for you... and none for Gretchen Wieners, bye.

View Quote Shane Oman: Why are you eating a Kälteen bar?
Regina: I'm starving.
Shane Oman: Man, I hate those things. Coach Carr makes us eat those when we want to move up a weight class.
Regina: What?
Shane Oman: They make you gain weight like crazy.
Regina: Motherf - [spits out candy bar and screams]

View Quote Kevin Gnapoor: What's up?
Janis: Can I help you?
Kevin Gnapoor: You Puerto Rican?
Janis: Lebanese.
Kevin Gnapoor: I feel that.

View Quote Mrs. George: [serving the Plastics fruit drinks] Hey, you guys! Happy hour is from four to six!
Cady: Um, is there alcohol in this?
Mrs. George: Oh, God, honey, no! What kind of mother do you think I am? Why, do you want a little bit? Because if you're going to drink I'd rather you do it in the house.

View Quote Regina: Wait, so you've never been to a real school before? [Cady shakes her head] Shut up. Shut up!
Cady: I didn't say anything.

View Quote Jason: [reading from the Burn Book] Trang Pak made out with Coach Carr! And so did Sun Jin Dinh!
Trang Pak: [in Vietnamese] You little slut!
Sun Jin Dinh: You're the slut!
[both start swearing in Vietnamese]

View Quote Joan the Secretary: And finally, the nominees for 'Spring Fling Queen'! Regina George...
[class applauds]
Joan the Secretary: Gretchen Wieners.
[class applauds and Gretchen responds breathlessly]
Joan the Secretary: Janis Ian.
[class applauds]
Regina: [Confused] What is happening to the world?
Janis: Damien!
[Janis shoves Damien]
Damian: I couldn't help myself!
Joan the Secretary: And finally, Cady Heron!
[class applauds]
Cady: Damien? You put me in there too? That's not part of the plan!
Damian: I didn't put you in there...
Cady: [surprised] You mean I'm really nominated?