[calling her from his room]
Hello?
Hey, it’s Marty Mauser. I’m in the Royal Suite. I saw you in the lobby yesterday.
Yeah, we made eye contact. I was being interviewed. [Kay scoffs]
Well, I’m a huge admirer.
Okay. Can I help you with something?
Maybe. I just ordered one of everything off the room service menu. There’s no way I’ll be able to eat it all alone.
Ah. So you’d like me to come up to your room?
Perhaps I should send my husband instead.
Sure. He can come up here, and I’ll come down to you.
Wonderful. Thank you. Goodbye.
Wait. I wanna keep talking.
Because I’ve never talked to an actual movie star.
Well, now you have. I hope the experience was all you thought it would be.
You know, I’m something of a performer too.
Yeah. You don’t believe me?
Yeah, I’m a performer. You got the Daily Mail in front of you?
Okay. Well, turn to page 12.
[sighs]
Uh... Page 12. Okay. What am I looking at here?
Down the middle, in the center. Uh.
Yeah, “the chosen one.” It’s a nice picture, right?
I play table tennis. I’m here competing in the British Open.
Twenty three. Yeah. I bet you can’t name one film I’ve done.
Because I stopped acting before you were born.
Really? That’s really interesting. Mmhmm.
Kay, did you use my razor to shave your legs? It’s dull. I’ve cut myself.
Who’s that? Your husband?
I guess someone must’ve snuck in and chopped wood with it.
Okay. So, why’d you stop acting? Let’s talk about that.
You know, I really have to go.
You must miss it, don’t you? Come watch me play at Wembley tomorrow.
Come on. You can watch me dethrone the number one ranked player in the world.
Oh, yeah? What you got going on?
Actually, I have a big promotional event to attend to for my husband.
Oh, okay. What’s he promoting?
[laughs]
Pens? Are you serious? Pens. Like, writing pens?
What, like, he’s a pen salesman? How can you afford the suite you’re in?
Oh. Okay. Well... Yes. I know Rockwell Ink.
[chuckles]
Okay. Well, what’s the event?
He’s hired Agatha Christie to sign books at Hatchards.
Ooh. That sounds really boring.
Okay. [hangs up and Marty calls again] Oh, for God’s sake. [answers] What is it? [sighs]
Don’t hang up. Just one question. Does your room face the street or the courtyard?
Just answer the question. Is it facing the street or the courtyard?
Okay. I need you to go to the window. What floor are you on?
I’m on the third floor, I believe.
Third floor. Okay, perfect. Look across the street. You see the open window with a bowl of fruit on the table?
Here’s what’s gonna happen. I’m gonna make an apple appear in that bowl. And if I do, you’re gonna blow off your little rendezvous and come watch me play.
No, no, no. I’m not agreeing to anything, no.
You don’t have to agree to anything. I’m gonna do it anyway. Okay? One... two... three. [Marty throws an apple knocking other fruit out of bowl] I’ll leave a ticket for you at the box office. [Marty hangs up]
Ah Marty, gimme the paddle. Ok, so here's what I want you to do. I want you to bend over that chair and drop your pants.
You've been a really a bad boy and now you're going to get a spanking.
You want to get to Japan, don't you?
Well, that's what it's going to take.
So to be clear, you're going to bring me to Japan and then compensate me.
Correct. We leave from Laguardia at 8am.
And how do I know you're going to honor this?
You don't. I'm not trying to control you Marty, but I don't think you understand the stakes. You have no power here.
R1 Reporter 1
This is a nice hotel.
R1 Reporter 1
Must cost a mint.
R1 Reporter 1
The IATT covers accommodations?
Only for their star players.
R1 Reporter 1
Is that right? How many are there?
Star players? I don’t know. I haven’t seen any others, so one.
R2 Reporter 2
Any nerves, going into the semis?
Nerves? Against Kletzki? No. You kidding me?
R3 Reporter 3
Well, he’s won the tournament for the last three years.
R2 Reporter 2
He’s got quite the reputation.
I have quite the reputation. Look, I’m gonna do to Kletzki what Auschwitz couldn’t. Okay. I’m gonna finish the job.
R2 Reporter 2
Jesus Christ.
R1 Reporter 1
A little strong, mate.
It’s all right. I’m Jewish. I can say that. In fact, if you think about it, I’m like Hitler’s worst nightmare.
R2 Reporter 2
And why’s that?
Look at me. I’m here. I did it, I’m on top. I’m the ultimate product of Hitler’s defeat. Yeah, write that down. That was good. Write that down.
R4 Reporter 4
Nice one. “Ultimate product of Hitler’s defeat.” I do like that confidence.
Put that under a picture of me.
R1 Reporter 1
Tell us a bit about your background.
My background? [mimics snoring] No, but seriously... My mother died in childbirth. My father was a compulsive loser who abandoned me when I was two years old. I got stuck in the New York City orphanage system, got shuttled from one hellhole to the next. Naturally, got in trouble with the law.
R2 Reporter 2
Isn’t that Kay Stone?
I don’t want any of that to define me. Excuse me. Excuse me. What?
R3 Reporter 3
It’s Kay Stone over there. That’s her.
R2 Reporter 2
Well, you know, the movie actress. Like, from the 1930s. Opportunities.
R1 Reporter 1
That was good. Yeah, yeah. Great movie. Black Box. My dad loved her. Yeah.
R3 Reporter 3
She was huge.
R1 Reporter 1
Came and went. That’s her.
R3 Reporter 3
That’s Hollywood, mate.
R1 Reporter 1
Yeah. It’s her.
R2 Reporter 2
It is indeed. Something about a lake?
R1 Reporter 1
Shadow Lake.
R2 Reporter 2
Yeah, that was good.
R1 Reporter 1
Great legs. Gorgeous, mate. Gorgeous.
R2 Reporter 2
Think I have a chance, lads?
