Why am I soaking wet?
Don't worry, Alfalfa. I used to have the same problem.
The Rascals
(laughing)
Spanky It's just a hole in the tent.
Played by Travis Tedford 
The Little Rascals (1994) · 30 quotes
The Little Rascals (1994) · 30 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in The Little Rascals (1994): in 10 of its 30 quotes
Most scenes with: Alfalfa (6), Stymie (5), Butch (3)
Scenes with Spanky
10 scenes Spanky Spanky [Stymie and Spanky are disguised as Amish men and walk into the bank; someone holds the door open for them]
Thank you my good man!
Mr. Welling
[writing]
Six kids, hardworking father, honest and trustworthy. Loan... denied.
Spanky Hello, my good man.
Mr. Welling
Gentlemen, uh, have a seat.
Spanky [to Froggy, who is holding him up under the coat]
Can we sit down?
Are you kidding?
Spanky We can't sit down my good man.
Mr. Welling
And what may I do for you?
We wanna take out a hefty loan.
Mr. Welling
Course, of course. Do you have an account with us?
Mr. Welling
What is your account... number?
Spanky Uh, seven.
Mr. Welling
Seven?... seven?
Try eight.
Spanky Eight?
Mr. Welling
Heard enough.
Spanky and Stymie
[Welling pulls the fake beards on Stymie and Spanky]
Ouch!
Mr. Welling
If you were my kids, I'd punish you!
If we were your kids, we'd punish ourselves!
Mr. Welling
Leave the premises post haste!
Spanky You can't treat people this way, Mister!
Mr. Welling
You're not people, you're kids!
Spanky Hey, everybody. Uh-Huh’s learned a new word!
Uh-huh
Actually, I've always had a rather extensive vocabulary, not to mention a phenomenal grasp of grammar and a superlative command of syntax. I simply chose not to employ them.
[Petey barks]
Everyone
Oh tay!! (cheering)
Spanky Well, I guess things just have to change sometimes.
Spanky Hey!
Well, hello, Mr. Bubbles.
Spanky That's the most disgusting display she-man woman loving I've ever seen!
(the other Rascals agree)
Don't talk to me, you Benedict Arnold! You-You Judas Priest! This is all your fault!
Spanky All 'my fault?!
You torched the clubhouse.
Spanky And it's all my fault? Say, you're supposed to be guardin’ the go-cart, you muzak-warbling wimp!
Re-lax, you double-crossing mud muncher! I parked it right over there! (runs to show the Rascals the go-cart, but it's not there) It was right here.
Spanky Well, where is it?
Boy, you're messin’ up left and right.
Spanky That's it, you sissified tweety bird! I wish I had a club to throw you out of!
Rascal 1
Me, too!
Well, you sewage-swinging slime ball!
Spanky (gasps)
If there still was a club, I QUIT!!! Hmph! (storms off)
Rascal 2
Good!
Rascal 3
What a wimp!
Rascal 4
Yeah!
(a bubble comes out of Alfalfa's butt, causing the Rascals to laugh)
Mr. McFarland
I'm sorry, Alfalfa. Spanky isn't here.
Mr. Switzer
(at Alfalfa's house)
I'm sorry, Spanky. Alfalfa's not here.
Spanky Darn!
[The clubhouse is filled with boys. Laughing and joking, they take their seats on wooden benches. Petey, the dog, and Elmer, the monkey, are there, as well] [takes charge. He picks up his gavel, really a can of beans tied to a stick, and smashes it down on the podium]
Gentlemen and gentlemen, I give you our president, Spanky!
Spanky [The boys cheer as Spanky enters the clubhouse and makes his road through the crowd]
How are you? Nice to see you. [whispering] Your fly's undone. [eventually, he arrives at the podium. He takes a deep breath] Vice president Stymie, lead the men in the Pledge of Our Lesions.
I, Stymie...
Boys
I, Stymie...
...Member in good standing of the He-Man Woman Haters Club...
Boys
Member in good standing of the He-Man Woman Haters Club...
...Do solemnly swear to be a he-man and hate women and not play with them or talk to them unless I have to. And especially: never fall in love. And if I do, may I die slowly and painfully and suffer for hours - or until I scream bloody murder.
[Porky then recites this with the other Rascals]
Spanky Howdy, Mister. Me and my buddies have to build a new clubhouse.
We have buy some lumber.
Lumberyard Clerk
What kind?
Wood!
[Meanwhile, Buckwheat and Porky have caught up with the duck. And they have gotten the dollar bill, as well]
Nothing like a security system to give you peace of mind.
[With the smell of pickles all over them, Butch and Woim head for home. As they walk past the dance hall, Butch spots Alfalfa and Spanky, who ran into the dance hall in panic. They need to find disguises. And fast. Frantically, the boys run into the costume room. Tutus, wigs and leotards spill out. Alfalfa looks at Spanky. Spanky looks at Alfalfa. They don't have any choice. Butch and Woim are hot on their trail. The bullies race down the hallway, and push open the first door they see. AAH!! A bunch of girls shriek. Wrong door. Butch and Woim run back down the hallway. They open another door. More shrieks. Next they come to the costume room. The door to the room swings open]
Spanky [disguised as a ballerina in a brunette wig]
Hiya, fellas!
Say, you two chicklets see a couple of ugly mugs who ran in here?
Spanky Whew. [hey watch Butch and Woim walk in on Ms. Roberts. She frustratingly ushers the bullies out the door] Let's ange-chay and am-scray!
You took the words right out of my mouth. [pushes the exit door]
Hi!
Girl
[This isn't the exit. It is the girls' changing room. And there is Mary Ann and all of Darla's other friends, as well. Spanky and Alfalfa's eyes grow wide]
Are you a Sugar Plum fairy?
[nods. Sweat beads are beginning to form on his forehead. And the frog. He has been holding the frog in his hand all this time]
Pardon me. I'm sweating like a pig. It's the recital.
Here's my handkerchief. [gives Alfalfa her handkerchief. He wipes the sweat off his forehead. And then he scrubs underneath his arms. After he's done, he offers the handkerchief back to her] Uh, you keep it. I'm emotional as well. My boyfriend Waldo is going to be here.
Mary Ann
[grins knowingly]
He's driving her to his mansion for tea.
Do you have any boyfriends?
Boys
No!
But, there is one boy I'd love to get to know. His name is Alfalfa.
Spanky Same here.
I don't miss him at all. Except...his voice. If he sings, he makes me melt like a popsicle on the Fourth of July!
[Suddenly, the children are interrupted by Ms. Roberts. It is showtime. The girls head out to take their places]
[The dance hall is crowded. Lots of parents and friends have come. Waldo is there, as well. Against their better judgment, Alfalfa and Spanky are forced to join hands with the girls, and dance out onto the stage. In a panic, Alfalfa tosses the frog to Spanky, who doesn't want the frog either. Where can he put it? Faster, he shoves it down Alfalfa's leotard. Spinning and twirling, the girls begin to dance. Alfalfa and Spanky try to keep up, but it's hopeless. The frog is too distracting for Alfalfa. Jumping in emotion, he dances like a madman around the stage, hoping the frog will jump out of the leotard. The girls stop dancing. They can't take their eyes off the crazy ballerina. Eventually, the music ends. Everyone, including Alfalfa, takes a bow. The audience burst into laughter. Ms. Roberts is furious.]
Alfafa
Let's get out of here! [he and Spanky are offstage and head out the door] Good thing I finally caught that frog.
Spanky Yes. Now all you need to concern about is warts!
Ms. Roberts
[In panic, Alfalfa begins to tear apart his clothes. Then what if he is now in his underwear? He doesn't want to have warts. With a ribbit of relief, the frog jumps from Alfalfa's leotard and onto the ground] [storms up to Spanky]
You've ruined my recital, you ragamuffin!
Spanky [The two Rascals spin around and race for the door. Then they come to a halt. They have spotted Butch and Woim waiting for them]
I'll distract them while you make a getaway.
Thanks, Spanky. You sure are a pal.
Spanky Hello, again.
[Butch and Woim are taken by surprise. They have fallen under the husky ballerina's spell. As they stare at Spanky, Alfalfa slips astray from the dance hall and makes his escape] [Walking like a fancy movie star, Spanky heads in the same direction Alfalfa has. The only problem is, he doesn't see a big tree branch that hangs over his head. Spanky's wig gets caught on it––and his disguise is destroyed] [With cries of frustration, Butch and Woim start after Spanky. They lose him. But they find somebody else. Alfalfa] [Alalfa has been trying to sneak silently down the street. He doesn't think facts can be much worse. He's made a fool of himself at the recital in front of Darla and Waldo. And now, here he is, walking down the street in his underwear] [With a gasp, he sees Butch and Woim]
Nice tan. Any last words?
[Alfalfa runs as fast as he can. Zigzagging through yards, running down sidewalks-----anything to get away. In front of him stands a giant mansion. This is as nice a place as any, thinks Alfalfa. Tearing up the walk, he squeezes past a woman in the doorway. In her hands are two large cakes] [He is just in time. The woman shuts the door, right in Butch and Woim's faces] [Poor Alfalfa. Now that he is in, he doesn't know how to get out. He hurries past an alarmed maid, and out the back door] [It is Waldo's dog, Fifi. And if that is Waldo's dog, but this may be Waldo's house. But Alfalfa doesn't want to think about that now. He has to get away from Fifi] [With a splash, Alfalfa jumps into the pool. He kicks up a storm. There. All that splashing shall frighten away the dog. As Fifi stands and stares into one end of the pool, Alfalfa pulls himself out of the other and begins to run again] [Huh, thinks Alfalfa. What a breezy day this is. He feels so free, so alive, so...so...naked. He is naked. In horror, he turns back toward the pool. His underwear is floating gently on the water. Running back, Alfalfa bends over to retrieve it. But not before Darla and Waldo see him] [Can anything more embarrassing happen, Alfalfa thinks to himself]
Darla, there's a perfectly logical explanation– [his eyes dart to the growling Fifi] Which I'll make up later! [takes off]
You did it, Alfalfa! You won!
We did it! All of us!
Gentlemen, let's give Alfalfa a big "Spoley-oley"!
Kids
Spoley-oley! Spoley-oley! Spoley-oley! Spoley-oley! Spoley-oley! Spoley-oley! Spoley-oley! Spoley-oley!
Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you...
It ain't right! We go through all the trouble of stealing your racer, and you still win! Better brace yourself, because now I'm really gonna kick your butt!
I'm usually a lover, not a fighter, but in your case I'm willing to make an exception.
Pig puckey!
Allow me!
Looking good, man.
Kids
Yeah.
Spanky Hey, there's the guy who risked his neck for us!
I gotta admit, he turned out to be pretty okay, darn it.
Spanky Put it in there, pal. You're quite a guy. Us machismo types have a club. The He-Man Woman-Haters Club. Alfalfa, I'm extending a membership offer here. Now, what is it?
That's not Waldo!
Waldo
You'll be hearing from my lawyers.
Spanky Then who's this guy who saved our butts?
Hi, guys. What's up?
Spanky A girl! Ohh!
Well, don't that beat all.
Spanky!