Licorice Pizza 2021 quotes

Alana Kane

Este, don't you even look at me! Don't you even look at me! You're always looking at me!

Oh, my...

Alana Kane

What are you doing?

I didn't even say anything!

Alana Kane

What are you doing? What are you thinking, huh? "I'm Este. I work for mom and dad. I'm perfect! I'm a real estate agent. Alana doesn't have her life together. Alana brings home stupid boyfriends all the time."

I mean...

Alana Kane

I knew it! I knew that was what you were thinking. You're always thinking things, you thinker! You thinker! You think things!

Alana Kane

What's your name?

Uh, Ted.

Alana Kane

Ted.

Yes.

Alana Kane

Oh, Ted, I love that name.

Okay...

Alana Kane

My name's Alana.

Hi, Alana.

Alana Kane

Can I come and install the bed for you?

What?

Alana Kane

I'd lay it down and show you how it works. It moves in a similar way to the ocean... wet inside. And it takes some getting used to, but once you're in there, oh, Ted, I don't think you're gonna be asking any questions.

Sounds like you just sold a waterbed, Alana. Tell me, what time can you be over with that bed?

Alana Kane

Oh, well. Eager. I have to wait until my work is done.

Oh, yeah?

Alana Kane

Yeah. I have a mean, old boss that makes me work all day.

Why don't you tell Fat Bernie you have work to do and get out of there?

Alana Kane

Oh. Fat Bernie is so mean, Ted.

Sounds like it.

Alana Kane

He keeps me locked up inside. But you know what, Ted?

What's that?

Alana Kane

I know you're gonna love our wet beds. You know what they come with?

What's that?

Alana Kane

A wood headboard. And that wood is strong and sticks straight up against the wall.

That sounds great.

Alana Kane

Are you asking me out?

Gary Valentine

Yes.

Alana Kane

I'm not going on a date with you, you're twelve.

Gary Valentine

You're funny. I'm fifteen.

Alana Kane

I'm cooler than you. Don't forget it.

Gary Valentine

I don't need you to tell me whether I'm cool or not, old lady.

Alana Kane

What was that?

Gary Valentine

I said "milady".

Alana Kane

Stop.

Gary Valentine

What?

Alana Kane

I can hear you breathing. Stop.

Gary Valentine

Breathing?

Alana Kane

Yes.

Alana Kane

What does your penis look like?

What?

Alana Kane

What does your penis look like?

Like a regular penis, I guess.

Alana Kane

Is it circumcised?

Yeah...

Alana Kane

Then you're a **** Jew!

Alana Kane

You don't even know what's going on in the world. You think that the world revolves around Gary Valentine and whatever stupid shit you come up with.

Gary Valentine

It does.

Alana Kane

No it doesn't.

Gary Valentine

Yes, it does.

Gary Valentine

Hello, gorgeous.

Alana Kane

Hello, handsome.

Gary Valentine

Come here often?

Alana Kane

No, 'cause I'm not a teenager. I'm selling earrings for my friend JoJo.

Gary Valentine

Is your bottom soggy? Having trouble sleeping?

Alana Kane

Well, now that you mention it...

Gary Valentine

Boyfriend trouble?

Alana Kane

No boyfriend. So I don't really have trouble.

Gary Valentine

Well, that's good.

Gary Valentine

You say everything twice.

Alana Kane

I don't say everything twice! What is this, say everything twice?

All that we need are people in positions of power to remember to be who they were when they were voted in.

Jon Peters

How big is your penis hole?

Gary Valentine

...normal-sized?

Jon Peters

How do you know that?

Jon Peters

My only problem in life is that I love tail too much. I love it. I love it so much. I love it so much. Is that your sister?

Gary Valentine

No.

Jon Peters

It's your girlfriend?

Gary Valentine

No.

Jon Peters

I love it so much, it's gonna kill me one day. You know how much tail I get?

Gary Valentine

No.

Jon Peters

All of it. It's all mine.

Do you have a boyfriend?

Alana Kane

Yes and no. I don't know.

Is he a shit?

Alana Kane

Yeah. Yeah.

They're all shits, aren't they?

You shiny, gold, tall, inexpensive prick!

Gary Valentine

Can I touch them? [She slaps his face]