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Batman: Do you have a knife?
Batgirl: Why?
Batman: 'Cause someone needs to cut the tension between the two of us immediately. Okay. I deserved that.
Phyllis: Hi.
Batman: Wait a minute. What's going on? I came back, just like I said I would.
Phyllis: You know, Mr. Batman, when you're a talking brick, working at the Phantom Zone, you see a lot of crazy things. But I've finally seen a man, in order to make the world a better place, take a look at himself and make a change.
Batman: Who?
Phyllis: Superman.
Batman: What?
Phyllis: I'm kidding. It's you.
Batman: Do you have a knife?
Batgirl: Why?
Batman: 'Cause someone needs to cut the tension between the two of us immediately. Okay. I deserved that.
Phyllis: Hi.
Batman: Wait a minute. What's going on? I came back, just like I said I would.
Phyllis: You know, Mr. Batman, when you're a talking brick, working at the Phantom Zone, you see a lot of crazy things. But I've finally seen a man, in order to make the world a better place, take a look at himself and make a change.
Batman: Who?
Phyllis: Superman.
Batman: What?
Phyllis: I'm kidding. It's you.
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Robin: Padre, where are you going?
Batman: I made a promise. I gotta go back to the Phantom Zone. Sorry, kid.
Robin: Padre, please.
Batman: Don't call me Padre.
Robin: Okay.
Batman: Call me... Dads.
Robin: My two dads are the same dad. But they're both leaving.
Batman: It's gonna be okay, kid. Sometimes, losing people is part of life. But that doesn't mean you stop letting them in. Some very wise people taught me that. My father figure. My platonic coworker buddy, who's a girl, but just a friend. And you. Mi hijo. It's Spanish for "son." This is my family, but it's your family, too.
Robin: Padre, where are you going?
Batman: I made a promise. I gotta go back to the Phantom Zone. Sorry, kid.
Robin: Padre, please.
Batman: Don't call me Padre.
Robin: Okay.
Batman: Call me... Dads.
Robin: My two dads are the same dad. But they're both leaving.
Batman: It's gonna be okay, kid. Sometimes, losing people is part of life. But that doesn't mean you stop letting them in. Some very wise people taught me that. My father figure. My platonic coworker buddy, who's a girl, but just a friend. And you. Mi hijo. It's Spanish for "son." This is my family, but it's your family, too.
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(In the Phantom Zone after seeing Batman's videos)
Phyllis: Huh. You're not a traditional bad guy, but you're not exactly a good guy, either. You even abandoned your friends.
Batman: What? (sees the video of Batman sending his friends away) Abandoned? No. No, I was trying to protect them.
Phyllis: By pushing them away?
Batman: Well, yeah.
Phyllis: Are they really the ones you are protecting?
Batgirl: Computer, Batman's in danger!
Robin: Please, computer! Take us back!
Batgirl: Do you really want the man who made you to come to harm?
Computer: Batman programmed me to obey him, but he didn't say to not not rescue him. (begins to turn around)
Batman: What are they doing?
Joker: (back at Joker Manor) Come on, guys. Let's hustle. Gotham City's not going to blow itself up. (sees Batgirl, Robin and Alfred flying towards them) Well, hello!
Batgirl: (flies to the cliffside) Computer, go to super-secret stealth mode. (King Kong grabs the ship and rips it apart) Hold on!
Batman: No!
Joker: Evil buddies, those are my last three painful reminders of Batman!
Batgirl: [crash lands the ship and they run) Run! Come on, Alfred! This way!
Batman: Wait, where's Dick?
Phyllis: The little guy? He's over there. (points to Dick in the Batcave)
Computer: Initializing Batman operating system.
Batman: What's he doing?
Robin: I've gotta save my family! Just think. What would Batman do?
Batman: What?
Robin: I know. Not listen to anyone else. (pushes button, opens the wardrobe, takes a costume and swings to one of Batman's vehicles) Be mean to people. Destroy as much property as possible. Talk in a really low, gravelly voice. (puts on a mask and talks really low) And go in alone!
Batman: Kid, don't do that!
Computer: (as Robin randomly pushes buttons on Batman's vehicle) Atomic batteries to power. Turbines to speed.
Batman: Don't do what I would do! (Robin drives away) I never even taught you how to drive! Hold on a second, Brick Lady. (stammers) I'm so sorry. I need to get down there and stop this.
Phyllis: I can't let you go. My boss will be really mad at me.
Batman: Yeah. But I bet your boss would be happy if you were able to get all those bad guys back in here.
Phyllis: Hm. She sure would.
Batman: Then let me try. Let me get down there and help them.
Phyllis: But haven't you tried that before?
Batgirl: This way, Alfred! (dodges King Kong's attack)
Phyllis: You do the same thing over and over. (Alfred and Batgirl fall into one of the villains' traps) What's gonna change?
Alfred: (Alfred and Batgirl are surrounded) No!
Batman: I know what I need to do. Just give me 24 hours and I'll come back. (Robin drives out of the Joker Manor) You gotta let me go down there and save them. (Robin drives the vehicle uncontrollably) I'll do whatever you want. (Batgirl is about to be eaten by King Kong) Please.
Robot: (about to kill Alfred) Exterminate!
Batman: Please!
Phyllis: Okay, but I need all the bad guys locked up in here.
Batman: I promise!
Phyllis: (Robin drives towards King Kong) And I mean all of them.
(In the Phantom Zone after seeing Batman's videos)
Phyllis: Huh. You're not a traditional bad guy, but you're not exactly a good guy, either. You even abandoned your friends.
Batman: What? (sees the video of Batman sending his friends away) Abandoned? No. No, I was trying to protect them.
Phyllis: By pushing them away?
Batman: Well, yeah.
Phyllis: Are they really the ones you are protecting?
Batgirl: Computer, Batman's in danger!
Robin: Please, computer! Take us back!
Batgirl: Do you really want the man who made you to come to harm?
Computer: Batman programmed me to obey him, but he didn't say to not not rescue him. (begins to turn around)
Batman: What are they doing?
Joker: (back at Joker Manor) Come on, guys. Let's hustle. Gotham City's not going to blow itself up. (sees Batgirl, Robin and Alfred flying towards them) Well, hello!
Batgirl: (flies to the cliffside) Computer, go to super-secret stealth mode. (King Kong grabs the ship and rips it apart) Hold on!
Batman: No!
Joker: Evil buddies, those are my last three painful reminders of Batman!
Batgirl: [crash lands the ship and they run) Run! Come on, Alfred! This way!
Batman: Wait, where's Dick?
Phyllis: The little guy? He's over there. (points to Dick in the Batcave)
Computer: Initializing Batman operating system.
Batman: What's he doing?
Robin: I've gotta save my family! Just think. What would Batman do?
Batman: What?
Robin: I know. Not listen to anyone else. (pushes button, opens the wardrobe, takes a costume and swings to one of Batman's vehicles) Be mean to people. Destroy as much property as possible. Talk in a really low, gravelly voice. (puts on a mask and talks really low) And go in alone!
Batman: Kid, don't do that!
Computer: (as Robin randomly pushes buttons on Batman's vehicle) Atomic batteries to power. Turbines to speed.
Batman: Don't do what I would do! (Robin drives away) I never even taught you how to drive! Hold on a second, Brick Lady. (stammers) I'm so sorry. I need to get down there and stop this.
Phyllis: I can't let you go. My boss will be really mad at me.
Batman: Yeah. But I bet your boss would be happy if you were able to get all those bad guys back in here.
Phyllis: Hm. She sure would.
Batman: Then let me try. Let me get down there and help them.
Phyllis: But haven't you tried that before?
Batgirl: This way, Alfred! (dodges King Kong's attack)
Phyllis: You do the same thing over and over. (Alfred and Batgirl fall into one of the villains' traps) What's gonna change?
Alfred: (Alfred and Batgirl are surrounded) No!
Batman: I know what I need to do. Just give me 24 hours and I'll come back. (Robin drives out of the Joker Manor) You gotta let me go down there and save them. (Robin drives the vehicle uncontrollably) I'll do whatever you want. (Batgirl is about to be eaten by King Kong) Please.
Robot: (about to kill Alfred) Exterminate!
Batman: Please!
Phyllis: Okay, but I need all the bad guys locked up in here.
Batman: I promise!
Phyllis: (Robin drives towards King Kong) And I mean all of them.
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[first lines of the film; voice over] Black. All important movies start with a black screen... and music... edgy, scary music that would make a parent or studio executive nervous... And logos... Really long and dramatic logos... Warner Bros ("Brawss"). Why not "Warner Brothers"? I don't know. "DC." The house that Batman built. Yeah, what, Superman? Come at me, bro. I'm your Kryptonite... Hmm... Not sure what RatPac does, but that logo is macho. I dig it.
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Accio Lightning Storm!
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Actually you're right. I am going up. Ding!
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Boo-Boo
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Bruce Wayne is Batman... 's roommate?
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Come catch your greatest enemy!
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Do I get a costume?
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Hello, secret camera.
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Here. Comes. The. Phantom Zone!
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Hey 'Puter, I'm home. [echoing]
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Hey Batman! I'm rubbing my butt all over your stuff! Gonna have to rename this the "Buttmobile".
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Hi there! I'm from Phantom's Own Laundry. Gonna take the bags off 'ya hands.