Jerry Maguire quotes

61 total quotes

Laurel Boyd
Multiple Characters
Rod Tidwell

View Quote [Looking over an inadequate contract offer]
Jerry: I'll go back to them.
Marcee: And say what? "Please remove your dick from my ass"?! I'm sorry. I'm just a little pregnant right now.

View Quote [to Dorothy] No no. Don't cry at the beginning of the date. Cry at the end, like I do. And don't be a shoulder for him to cry on either.

View Quote [to Dorothy] Okay. Lil' speech before I go. Do. Not. Worry. About. Your. Job. Our company is in good shape. You and your son... we... are just fine. You still have a job. I want you to feel confident! In. Me. And I have a problem with people who talk about themselves in the third person, but let me tell you something about Jerry Maguire. Come after me and you will lose I am a survivor! Do not underestimate Jerry Maguire! I've got wits! I've got the instincts of a panther!

View Quote [to Jerry, toasting his marriage to Dorothy] If you **** this up, I'll kill you.

View Quote [to Jerry] I got a shelf life of ten years, tops. My next contract's gotta bring me the dollars that'll last me and mine a long time. Shit, I'm out of this sport in 5 years. What's my family gonna live on? Huh? What you get me. So I don't want to hear about your shit.

View Quote [to Rod] Help me... help you. Help me, help you.

View Quote [to Rod] I am out here for you. You don't know what it's like to be ME out here for YOU. It is an up-at-dawn, pride-swallowing siege that I will never fully tell you about, ok?

View Quote Anyone else would have left you by now, but I'm sticking with you. And if I have to ride your ass like Zorro, you're gonna show me the money. We are together on this! We are going to be one! Shit!

View Quote Dotty -- this is not "a guy.". This is a "syndrome." It's called Early Midlife, About-To-Marry, Hanging Onto The-Bottom-Rung Dear-God-Don't-Let-Me-Be-Alone, I'll-Call-My-Newly Long-suffering-Assistant-Without Medical-For-Company Syndrome. And if, knowing all that, you still allow him to come over, more power to you.

View Quote Have you ever gotten the feeling that you aren't completely embarassed yet, but you glimpse tomorrow's embarrassment?

View Quote He said that? He said I don't understand what it means to be a black person? I am Mister black people!

View Quote Hey... I don't have all the answers. In life, to be honest, I have failed as much as I have succeeded. But I love my wife. I love my life. And I wish you my kind of success.

View Quote I hated myself... no, I hated my place in the world.

View Quote I will not rest until I have you holding a Coke, wearing your own shoe, playing a Sega game featuring you, while singing your own song in a new commercial, starring you, broadcast during the Superbowl, in a game that you are winning, and I will not sleep until that happens. I'll give you fifteen minutes to call me back.

View Quote I'm not trying to make history here.