Pete Wagner quotes from Instant Family (2018)

Pete Wagner

That wasn't in the classes. I've got nothing for that.

Pete Wagner

We want to thank the Lord for our first Christmas together. And we want to give thanks for this lovely meal and also this, um, bounty of super fun cardboard boxes. Amen.

Amen.

Pete Wagner

Okay. Tuck in, everybody.

Where's my potato chips?

Pete Wagner

We're not having chips tonight, munchkin. Sorry.

I want my chips.

Ellie Wagner

Lita! Lizzy, Pete and I worked really hard on this dinner. There's lots of yummy food for you to eat.

No!

Ellie Wagner

Hey, hey, hey. [Lizzy tries to intervene in Spanish] Hey! Lizzy, Lizzy, please! Lizzy, no, okay? I've got this.

Why are you yelling at me? I'm just trying to help you.

Ellie Wagner

I'm not yelling at... I'm sor... I am. Just then I was. But it's... Look. Lita, don't do what Lizzy said. What did you say? Cuatro? "Go to your bedroom"?

Pete Wagner

No, cuatro means "quart." Like quart of milk. She said, "You're not gonna have a potato chip, but you will drink that milk."

Ellie Wagner

In any case, we have this. It's fine.

Okay, fine.

Ellie Wagner

Okay. Let's try some of this meat loaf, okay?

NO!! I want my chips!

Ellie Wagner

You're not having chips!

Pete Wagner

I don't think she's getting on board with the plan, honey.

I don't want this!

Ellie Wagner

Hey!

Pete Wagner

You sure you don't wanna just give her some chips?

Ellie Wagner

No, we're not giving her chips! She's gonna eat... [Lita suddenly lets out a piercing scream in a very loud manner]

Pete Wagner

What is she doing?

Ellie Wagner

God! She's taking naked selfies in the bathroom!

Pete Wagner

She's taking naked selfies of herself?!