Instant Family 2018 quotes

5 quotes · 2 characters
Instant Family (2018) poster

Instant Family quotes

Pete Wagner

We want to thank the Lord for our first Christmas together. And we want to give thanks for this lovely meal and also this, um, bounty of super fun cardboard boxes. Amen.

All

Amen.

Pete Wagner

Okay. Tuck in, everybody.

Lita Wagner

Where's my potato chips?

Pete Wagner

We're not having chips tonight, munchkin. Sorry.

Lita Wagner

I want my chips.

Ellie Wagner

Lita! Lizzy, Pete and I worked really hard on this dinner. There's lots of yummy food for you to eat.

Lita Wagner

No!

Ellie Wagner

Hey, hey, hey. [Lizzy tries to intervene in Spanish] Hey! Lizzy, Lizzy, please! Lizzy, no, okay? I've got this.

Lizzy Wagner

Why are you yelling at me? I'm just trying to help you.

Ellie Wagner

I'm not yelling at... I'm sor... I am. Just then I was. But it's... Look. Lita, don't do what Lizzy said. What did you say? Cuatro? "Go to your bedroom"?

Pete Wagner

No, cuatro means "quart." Like quart of milk. She said, "You're not gonna have a potato chip, but you will drink that milk."

Ellie Wagner

In any case, we have this. It's fine.

Lizzy Wagner

Okay, fine.

Ellie Wagner

Okay. Let's try some of this meat loaf, okay?

Lita Wagner

NO!! I want my chips!

Ellie Wagner

You're not having chips!

Pete Wagner

I don't think she's getting on board with the plan, honey.

Lita Wagner

I don't want this!

Ellie Wagner

Hey!

Pete Wagner

You sure you don't wanna just give her some chips?

Ellie Wagner

No, we're not giving her chips! She's gonna eat... [Lita suddenly lets out a piercing scream in a very loud manner]

Pete Wagner

What is she doing?

Ellie Wagner

God! She's taking naked selfies in the bathroom!

Pete Wagner

She's taking naked selfies of herself?!

Pete Wagner
[after beating the adult janitor Jacob]

Hey, you ever touch, text, or think about our daughter ever again, and you're a dead man.

Pete Wagner
[seeing Lita coated in ketchup and holding a SpongeBob SquarePants knife]

That wasn't in the classes. I've got nothing for that.

Ellie Wagner

This isn't even a real Barbie. You've got a real Barbie at home that Santa gave you a few weeks ago.