Ben quotes from How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (2003)

I'm not talking about lust. A woman in lust wants chocolate. A woman in love wants diamonds.

Yeah, I'm not talking about lust either, ladies. I'm talking about deep, meaningful, head-over-heels, his-n-hers towels, let's-grow-old-together L-O-V-E. Look, I love women. I do. Whether they're 4, 40 or my 88-year-old grandmother, I respect women. Alright? And I also listen to women. And that's why I can sell myself to any woman, anywhere, any time.

Make a woman fall in love with diamonds, Benjamin, or with you?

Andie

Andie Anderson.

Benjamin Barry.

Andie

Cute.

Thank you.

Andie

I meant your name.

Thank you two times.

Andie

Unattached?

Currently.

Andie

Likewise.

Surprising.

Andie

Psycho?

Rarely... Interested?

Andie

Perhaps.

Hungry?

Andie

Starving.

Leaving.

I'm in advertising. I work mostly with alcoholic beverages and athletic equipment companies, and I'm trying to break into the jewellery market right now.

Andie

Saving the world one keg party at a time?

What about you?

Andie

What about me?

Have I seen your work?

Andie

I work at Composure.

Fastest growing women's magazine in the country. I'm impressed. Saving the world one shopaholic at a time, eh?

Andie

It's beautiful.

Thanks.

Andie

Youre beautiful. The game, the whole thing... I wish I ate meat. Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb. You have to take this away before I gag.

Andie

Does Princess Sophia want to come out and play?

Who's Princess Sophia? (she points to his crotch) No, no, no, no. Whoa, whoa. You're kidding me right? Princess Sophia?

Andie

Little? Big? Little? Big? I dont know, we will find out!

Listen, you can't name my member Princess Sophia.

Andie

Yes I can.

Listen... listen... if you're gonna name my, my member, you've gotta name it something hyper-masculine. Something like Spike, or Butch, or Krull the Warrior King.

I thought you said after the Knicks game, she was a goddess.

Oh, she was. That was the good Andie, this amazing, fun, cool, sexy woman. I'm talking about the evil Andie now. It's like a crack-enhanced Kathy Lee Gifford.

Look at Krull's necklace. It's got more ice than Liberace, don't you?

Andie

Oh, it's just a little frosting.

Andie

I did something kind of wacky. I used Photoshop at work today to composite our faces together to see what our kids would look like. Our family album! You don't want to see our children?

We don't have... children.

Andie

Oh, no. Our love fern. It's dead.

No, it's just sleeping.

Andie

You let it die. Are you going to let us die?

The one night that we even thought about.. getting close to having sex. She up and decides she's going to nickname my...

Michelle

Penis.

Princess Sophia! You wanna talk about shooting a man's horse!

Andie

I thought it was a beautiful name.

Michelle

Hmm, I see, Benjamin. And when was it that you first realised that you were attracted to other men?

You're already falling in love with me.

Andie

I'm gonna make you wish you were dead. [blows away a kiss to Ben up on his balcony] Poor guy.

Andie

Does Princess Sophia want to come out and play?

Who's Princess Sophia? [she points to his crotch] No, no, no, no. Whoa, whoa. You're kidding me right? Princess Sophia?

Andie

Little? Big? Little? Big? I don't know, we will find out!

Listen, you can't name my member Princess Sophia.

Andie

Yes I can.

Listen... listen... if you're gonna name my, my member, you've gotta name it something hyper-masculine. Something like Spike, or Butch, or Krull the Warrior King, but not Princess Sophia.

Andie

What did you just say?

Spike. You know what I mean?

Andie

No, no, after Spike.

Butch.

Andie

After Butch.

Krull... Krull, the Warrior King.

Andie

Does Kr-rull, the Warrior King want to come out and play?

Oh, come on... No.

Andie

Krull.

You know what? Due to... intense humiliation, the King has momentarily abdicated his throne.

Andie

' Its me!

I'm in the middle of a meeting. Can I call you back later?

Andie

I miss you benny boo boo... boo boo boo.

So that's what I was, huh? I was a guinea pig. Somebody you can test your theories on?

Andie

Yeah, and I was just a girl somebody picked out in a bar.

Yeah, you know what? Big deal. Hell, now you can even use it as a little twist in your story.

Andie

That's a good idea. Maybe we should bet on it.

You know what, you did your job now, Andie.

Andie

Yes, I did.

You wanted to lose a guy in ten days, congratulations, you did it. You just lost him. [walks away]

Andie

No I didn't Ben, 'cause you can't lose something you never had!

You might want to read this.

Ah, no thanks.

Yeah? [reading] "I've lost a guy, and l don't know why. What went wrong? When I started writing this month's column, I wanted to commit the certain silly dating faux pas. What l didn't realize was that I was making the biggest mistake of all." Here. Trust me. Read it.

Andie

What the hell was that?

Is this true?

Andie

Ben, please.

Is this true? Or are you just trying to sell magazines?

Andie

I meant every word.

Well, where you going?

Andie

I have an interview.

Yeah, in Washington. I know. [pause] Where you going?

Andie

Ben, it's the only place I can go and write what I want to write.

No, I'm not buying that. You can write anywhere. I think you're running away.

Andie

Why don't you save your mind games for your next bet, okay? I am not running away.

Bullspit.

Andie

Excuse me?

You heard me. Bullspit.

Hey, lady, what do ya wanna do?

Take the lady's luggage back to her place. She has alternate transportation.

Andie

You callin' my bluff?

You bet I am.
[They kiss]