Maggie [Alameda Slim arrives]
It's payback time. Cover me!
WB The Willie Brothers
Howdy, Slim.
Alameda Slim Quiet, you fools. We've got work to do. [singing] Now listen up! There are crooks in this here West who have claimed to be the best, an' think they wrote the book on how to rustle. Well, as good as they may be, not a one's as good as me, an' I barely have to move a single muscle! They call me mean, boys, depraved and nasty too, and they ain't seen, boys, the cruelest thing I do! You see, I yodel-adle-eedle-idle-odel! The sweetest way of rustlin' yet devised! 'Cause when I yodel-adle-eedle-idle-odel, Why, looky how them cows get hypnotized!
G Gill
Still he drives them dogies well
WB The Willie Brothers
Which ain't easy when your chaps are labeled XXXXL!
Alameda Slim Yes, if you're lookin' from a bovine point of view, I sure can yodel-adle-eedle-idle, Odel-adle-eedle-idle, Yodel-adle-eedle-idle-oo! Here we go, boys! Five thousand cattle in the side pocket! [Yodels "William Tell Overture", "Yankee Doodle" and "Beethoven's Ode to Joy"] Yes, I can yodel-adle-eedle-odel!
Maggie, Mrs. Calloway, snap out of it!
WB The Willie Brothers
A sound them cattle truly take to heart!
Alameda Slim Yeah, I can yodel-adle-eedle-idle-odel-adle-eedle-idle-odel! An' smack my big ol' rump if that ain't art!
G Gill
[hit the Grace]
He don't rope
P Phill
[Girls screamingly]
He just puts 'em in a trance
WB The Willie Brothers
He's a pioneer Pied Piper in ten-gallon underpants!
Alameda Slim Yep! I'm the real rip-roarin' deal to those who moo! Thanks to my yodel-adle-eedle-idle, Odel-adle-eedle-idle, I got cattle out the ol' wazoo! 'Cause I can yodel-adle-eedle-idle-oo! Yodel-adle-eedle-idle-oo! [Slim cackin' and girls screamin']
Maggie [Mrs. Calloway saves Maggie from drowning during the flash flood and drags her to a nearby rock on the shore]
No! Come on, girls, we can't give up!
Mrs. Calloway Maggie, that's enough. The minute this lets up, we're heading straight home to Patch of Heaven.
Maggie But what about catching Slim and collecting the reward?
We never had a prayer of catching Slim in the first place. This whole ridiculous plan is just so you can get revenge on those cattle rustlers.
Maggie Hey! For your information, duchess, this whole ridiculous plan is about us saving our farm.
Huh. Our farm might've had a fighting chance until you came along.
Maggie What's that supposed to mean?!
Strutting around with your vulgar show-cow behavior.
Maggie Look, I was just having...
Wasting our time on your foolish plans. Through the years, Patch of Heaven has survived every hardship that nature can dish out, but you, Maggie, are the biggest catastrophe to ever hit our farm.
Maggie Well, if that's the way you feel about it, maybe we should just go our separate ways.
Now, that's the first good idea you've ever had.
Maggie Fine.
Maggie Fine!
Fine! [Sits down as Grace looks sadly at the two of them]
Maggie Yeah. Fine. It's not like your farm was ever gonna feel like home to me anyways.
[Fade in to the next morning where the flood wears off and Maggie and Mrs. Calloway are still sleeping. As she is still sleeping, Maggie eats the flower on Mrs. Calloway's hat as she wakes up]
Maggie. Maggie. Maggie. Wake up.
Maggie [wakes up suddenly]
Check, please! [looks at Mrs. Calloway who gives her a glare as she is still holding her hat, puts it back in her head and tries to make her smile, but no avail] It tasted a lot better in my sleep.
Well, I suppose you'll be off now.
Maggie Mm-hmm.
Maggie Oh, probably check out the Grand Canyon. See Utah before I die.
Wait a minute. Where's Grace?
Hi, there. Boy, am I glad you guys are up. Hey, come look at this.
[They go behind the rock to see green plants]
What on earth? Where did all this come from?
Maggie [as she's eating the plants]
Hey, it's green, it's leafy, and it's free. Shut up and eat.
LJ Lucky Jack
Good morning, ladies. [He sets up a wheel as a table] I see you're already tucked into your appetizer. Never knew a pretty lady that didn't have an appetite.
Oh, now, see here, you ruffian...
He's not a ruffian, Mrs. Calloway. He's a genuine desert shaman, our very own wise man.
LJ Lucky Jack
[after he sets a campfire with his peg-leg]
Shaman, chef, chief cook, and bottle washer. I'm a jackrabbit of all trades and at your service. Folks around these parts call me Lucky Jack. Yep, they used to come from miles around just to get one rub of my lucky rabbit's foot. [notices his peg-leg is on fire] Whoo! Dagnabit! [tries to blow to put out the fire, but finally puts out the fire with his mouth] This happens all the time. Now, where was I? Ah. [Presents the cows with a dead scorpion] Voila! Now let me just get this on the fire and it'll be ready directly.
Maggie [He cuts up the scorpion with a knife and fork, tosses the parts up in the air and grabs them with his ears, but the tail part ends up stinging his eye]
Look, we don't eat meat. It's kind of like a professional courtesy.
Perhaps we'll dine with you some other time. You see, Grace and I are returning to our farm to say our last good-byes.
LJ Lucky Jack
Well, I can sympathize there, sister, I truly can. Until recently, I, too, had a home. Echo Mine it was called. Us jackrabbits lived there for generation after generation. 'Till some land-grabbing bandit moved in and flushed us out like yesterday's oatmeal.
Ahem. Excuse us. My good fellow, we must be on our way.
LJ Lucky Jack
Wait! There he is! [points to a wanted poster of Alameda Slim on a cactus, runs towards it and hits the poster on the cactus with his foot, which causes his foot pain]
Maggie Slim! You mean this no-good varmint is hiding out in Echo Mine right now?
LJ Lucky Jack
Without a doubt.
Maggie, what are you thinking?
Maggie Look, I got a score to settle with that rhinestone fat boy and nothing to lose.
But it'll be dangerous going after Slim all by yourself.
Maggie Hey, I got the rabbit.
That's not all you got, Maggie. You got us.
Oh, no. No, no, no. No. We are sticking to our plan and going home. [grabs Grace by the collar with her tail and are about to leave]
Maggie Hold on, you two. As strange as this sounds, Grace is actually making sense.
Maggie You want the money and I want to get even with Slim. The three of us go together, and we're sure to get him. Once you collect the reward, I'll walk out your front gate and I'll stay out of it forever. Deal?
Your powers of persuasion are uncanny. Deal.
LJ Lucky Jack
Ha! Bovine bounty hunters! Now I've seen everything. Let's get moving, ladies. Time for an underground smackdown. Yee-haw!
[The cows and Lucky Jack finally arrived at Echo Mine]
Lucky Jack, you did it! We're here!
Well, I take my hat off to you, Jack. But you've got us here in one piece.
LJ Lucky Jack
Well, seein' is believin'.
Maggie And I don't believe what I see. [sees Buck talking to Junior, who is guarding the entrance]
Maggie Stallion of the Cim-moron.
[talking to Junior]
I'm supposed to be here just in case one of the horses get tired.
Look, friend, you don't understand my situation.
No, you don't understand, so I'll say it again. The only critters that get by me are cows. Cows only.
Oh, come on! Look, cut me a break. [Hears one of the cows moo] Now what? [sees Grace coming towards Junior] Aww, what are you doing here?
Sorry we're late. We got separated from the herd.
[letting the cows through the entrance]
Right this way, little lady. Tell 'em Junior sent you.
LJ Lucky Jack
[to Buck]
Howdy, partner!
Maggie [to Buck]
Excuse me, reject. Coming through. [smacks his face with her tail as Junior blocks the entrance]
Hey, what gives?! How come they got to go through?
What?! But what about the rabbit?
Well, obviously, he was with the cows.
Ha! I'm with the cows, too! Yeah! [to the cows who are walking though the tunnel] Hey! Hey, cows! W-wait up! You got to tell this guy you know me! See, Junior, we're old friends! Come on, Margie! Uh, Gretchen! Miss, uh... uh, Hat Cow! Come on, it's your old pal Buck, see?
Maggie Buck... Buck... Oh, Buck! Nah, doesn't ring a bell. [continues walking]
No, no, no, wait! Hey, come back! No! Hang on... hang on a second. [to Junior] Heh heh heh. They're just kidding. You see, if you could... Oh, hey! Hey! [Junior throws him up in the air] Hey, cows! Cows! Oof! [he lands]
Heh heh. [sees Rico with Patrick on top of the mine] Rico. [laughs] I gotta go, but let's throw on the old feedbag sometime. [turns around and leaves] Stay cool. Ha ha ha! It's hero time.
SS Sheriff Sam Brown
Alameda Slim, you're under arrest! [Slim muffled "Let go or get us killed!"]
Nobody messes with pearls, girls. [to Buck]
MS Male Singers
[first lines; Logos: Walt Disney Pictures; music starts]
Out in the land where the men are tough as cactus
Out in the land where the wild, wild west was won
Out in the land of the desperado
If yer as soft as an avocado
Yee-ha! Yer guacamole, son!
Home, home, this ain't it, pal!
Home, home, home on the range
Home, home, better go git, pal!
You ain't home on the range
Out in the land where the weak are target practice
Home, home, home on the range
Out in the land where they shoot the mild and meek
Home, home, home on the range
Out where the bad are a whole lot badder
If yer the type with a nervous bladder, yip! Yow!
saddle's gonna reek!
Cause you ain't home on the range
Cowboy, yer really up the creek!
Home, home, home on the range
Home, home, home on the range
Home, home, home on the range
Home, home, home on the range
Maggie [narrates]
Home on the range. Once upon a time, I had a home on the range, But not anymore. Well, it's no use crying over spilled milk. Speaking of which, that's me. I'm the cow. [Fly buzzing and approaches to Maggie] Yeah, they're real, quit staring. I'm sort of between homes right now. I lost my old place... thanks to the meanest bunch of cattle rustlers in the west... [scene cuts to night, where Alameda Slim and his gang] Alameda Slim and the Willie Brothers' Gang. [as Alameda Slim yodels and the cows start mooing and they got captured from Maggie's ranch] Somehow, they stole the whole herd... right out from under our noses and then they disappeared without a trace. [Abner sees the cows are missing and taken away by Alameda Slim and the Willie Brothers then he sees Maggie from the trance, then he takes Maggie out from his barn to another place] After that... poor old Abner couldn't afford to keep the place... or me, either, for that matter Well, no matter how bad things get, there's probably somebody worse off. [Maggie sees Lucky Jack that the snake was eaten his head, and runs to the cactus] That guy, for instance.
