A scene from Home on the Range 2004
Maggie

[Mrs. Calloway saves Maggie from drowning during the flash flood and drags her to a nearby rock on the shore]

No! Come on, girls, we can't give up!
Mrs. Calloway Maggie, that's enough. The minute this lets up, we're heading straight home to Patch of Heaven.

Maggie

But what about catching Slim and collecting the reward?

Mrs. Calloway

We never had a prayer of catching Slim in the first place. This whole ridiculous plan is just so you can get revenge on those cattle rustlers.

Maggie

Hey! For your information, duchess, this whole ridiculous plan is about us saving our farm.

Mrs. Calloway

Huh. Our farm might've had a fighting chance until you came along.

Maggie

What's that supposed to mean?!

Mrs. Calloway

Strutting around with your vulgar show-cow behavior.

Maggie

Look, I was just having...

Mrs. Calloway

Wasting our time on your foolish plans. Through the years, Patch of Heaven has survived every hardship that nature can dish out, but you, Maggie, are the biggest catastrophe to ever hit our farm.

Maggie

Well, if that's the way you feel about it, maybe we should just go our separate ways.

Mrs. Calloway

Now, that's the first good idea you've ever had.

Maggie

Fine.

Maggie

Fine!

Mrs. Calloway

Fine! [Sits down as Grace looks sadly at the two of them]

Maggie

Yeah. Fine. It's not like your farm was ever gonna feel like home to me anyways.

Mrs. Calloway

[Fade in to the next morning where the flood wears off and Maggie and Mrs. Calloway are still sleeping. As she is still sleeping, Maggie eats the flower on Mrs. Calloway's hat as she wakes up]

Maggie. Maggie. Maggie. Wake up.

Maggie

[wakes up suddenly]

Check, please! [looks at Mrs. Calloway who gives her a glare as she is still holding her hat, puts it back in her head and tries to make her smile, but no avail] It tasted a lot better in my sleep.

Mrs. Calloway

Well, I suppose you'll be off now.

Maggie

Mm-hmm.

Mrs. Calloway

Where will you go?

Maggie

Oh, probably check out the Grand Canyon. See Utah before I die.

Mrs. Calloway

Wait a minute. Where's Grace?

Grace

Hi, there. Boy, am I glad you guys are up. Hey, come look at this.

Mrs. Calloway

[They go behind the rock to see green plants]

What on earth? Where did all this come from?

Maggie

[as she's eating the plants]

Hey, it's green, it's leafy, and it's free. Shut up and eat.

Lucky Jack

Good morning, ladies. [He sets up a wheel as a table] I see you're already tucked into your appetizer. Never knew a pretty lady that didn't have an appetite.

Mrs. Calloway

Oh, now, see here, you ruffian...

Grace

He's not a ruffian, Mrs. Calloway. He's a genuine desert shaman, our very own wise man.

Lucky Jack

[after he sets a campfire with his peg-leg]

Shaman, chef, chief cook, and bottle washer. I'm a jackrabbit of all trades and at your service. Folks around these parts call me Lucky Jack. Yep, they used to come from miles around just to get one rub of my lucky rabbit's foot. [notices his peg-leg is on fire] Whoo! Dagnabit! [tries to blow to put out the fire, but finally puts out the fire with his mouth] This happens all the time. Now, where was I? Ah. [Presents the cows with a dead scorpion] Voila! Now let me just get this on the fire and it'll be ready directly.

Maggie

[He cuts up the scorpion with a knife and fork, tosses the parts up in the air and grabs them with his ears, but the tail part ends up stinging his eye]

Look, we don't eat meat. It's kind of like a professional courtesy.

Mrs. Calloway

Perhaps we'll dine with you some other time. You see, Grace and I are returning to our farm to say our last good-byes.

Grace

Yeah. We need closure.

Lucky Jack

Well, I can sympathize there, sister, I truly can. Until recently, I, too, had a home. Echo Mine it was called. Us jackrabbits lived there for generation after generation. 'Till some land-grabbing bandit moved in and flushed us out like yesterday's oatmeal.

Mrs. Calloway

Ahem. Excuse us. My good fellow, we must be on our way.

Lucky Jack

Wait! There he is! [points to a wanted poster of Alameda Slim on a cactus, runs towards it and hits the poster on the cactus with his foot, which causes his foot pain]

Maggie

Slim! You mean this no-good varmint is hiding out in Echo Mine right now?

Lucky Jack

Without a doubt.

Mrs. Calloway

Maggie, what are you thinking?

Maggie

Look, I got a score to settle with that rhinestone fat boy and nothing to lose.

Grace

But it'll be dangerous going after Slim all by yourself.

Maggie

Hey, I got the rabbit.

Grace

That's not all you got, Maggie. You got us.

Mrs. Calloway

Oh, no. No, no, no. No. We are sticking to our plan and going home. [grabs Grace by the collar with her tail and are about to leave]

Maggie

Hold on, you two. As strange as this sounds, Grace is actually making sense.

Grace

Thank you.

Maggie

You want the money and I want to get even with Slim. The three of us go together, and we're sure to get him. Once you collect the reward, I'll walk out your front gate and I'll stay out of it forever. Deal?

Mrs. Calloway

Your powers of persuasion are uncanny. Deal.

Lucky Jack

Ha! Bovine bounty hunters! Now I've seen everything. Let's get moving, ladies. Time for an underground smackdown. Yee-haw!

Grace

[The cows and Lucky Jack finally arrived at Echo Mine]

Lucky Jack, you did it! We're here!

Mrs. Calloway

Well, I take my hat off to you, Jack. But you've got us here in one piece.

Lucky Jack

Well, seein' is believin'.

Maggie

And I don't believe what I see. [sees Buck talking to Junior, who is guarding the entrance]

Mrs. Calloway

Oh, it's Buck!

Maggie

Stallion of the Cim-moron.

Buck

[talking to Junior]

I'm supposed to be here just in case one of the horses get tired.

Junior

Cows only.

Buck

Look, friend, you don't understand my situation.

Junior

No, you don't understand, so I'll say it again. The only critters that get by me are cows. Cows only.

Buck

Oh, come on! Look, cut me a break. [Hears one of the cows moo] Now what? [sees Grace coming towards Junior] Aww, what are you doing here?

Grace

Sorry we're late. We got separated from the herd.

Junior

[letting the cows through the entrance]

Right this way, little lady. Tell 'em Junior sent you.

Buck

Ohhh....

Lucky Jack

[to Buck]

Howdy, partner!

Junior

Ahem. Nice hat, ma'am.

Mrs. Calloway

Oh! Cheeky devil.

Maggie

[to Buck]

Excuse me, reject. Coming through. [smacks his face with her tail as Junior blocks the entrance]

Buck

Hey, what gives?! How come they got to go through?

Junior

They're cows.

Buck

What?! But what about the rabbit?

Junior

Well, obviously, he was with the cows.

Buck

Ha! I'm with the cows, too! Yeah! [to the cows who are walking though the tunnel] Hey! Hey, cows! W-wait up! You got to tell this guy you know me! See, Junior, we're old friends! Come on, Margie! Uh, Gretchen! Miss, uh... uh, Hat Cow! Come on, it's your old pal Buck, see?

Maggie

Buck... Buck... Oh, Buck! Nah, doesn't ring a bell. [continues walking]

Buck

No, no, no, wait! Hey, come back! No! Hang on... hang on a second. [to Junior] Heh heh heh. They're just kidding. You see, if you could... Oh, hey! Hey! [Junior throws him up in the air] Hey, cows! Cows! Oof! [he lands]

Junior

Don't make me hurt you.

Buck

Heh heh. [sees Rico with Patrick on top of the mine] Rico. [laughs] I gotta go, but let's throw on the old feedbag sometime. [turns around and leaves] Stay cool. Ha ha ha! It's hero time.

Sheriff Sam Brown

Alameda Slim, you're under arrest! [Slim muffled "Let go or get us killed!"]

Grace

Nobody messes with pearls, girls. [to Buck]

In this scene

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