The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy 2005 quotes, page 3

Zaphod Beeblebrox

In the name of democracy, freedom, stuff like that... I hereby kidnap myself, and I'm taking the ship with me!

Ford Prefect

It's a tough galaxy. If you want to survive, you've gotta know … where your towel is.

The Book/Narrator

It's an important and popular fact that things are not always what they seem. For instance, on the planet Earth, Man had always assumed that he was the most intelligent species occupying the planet, instead of the third most intelligent. The second most intelligent creatures were, of course, Dolphins, who, curiously enough, had long known of the impending destruction of the planet. They'd made many attempts to alert mankind to the danger, but most of their communications were misinterpreted as amusing attempts to punch footballs or whistle for tidbits. So, they eventually decided they would leave Earth by their own means. The last ever Dolphin message was misinterpreted as a surprisingly sophisticated attempt to do a double backwards somersault through a hoop while whistling The Star-Spangled Banner, but in fact the message was this: "So long, and thanks for all the fish."

Not that anyone cares what I say, but the Restaurant is on the other end of the universe.

Trillian

So much for the laws of physics....

The Book/Narrator

The Encyclopedia Galactica, in its chapter on love, states that it is far too complicated to define. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy has this to say on the subject of love: "Avoid, if at all possible." Unfortunately, Arthur Dent has never read The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

The Book/Narrator

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is a wholly remarkable book - perhaps the most remarkable, certainly the most successful, book ever to come out of the great publishing corporations of Ursa Minor. More popular than the Celestial Homecare Omnibus, better selling than 53 Things to Do in Zero Gravity, and more controversial than Oolon Colluphid's trilogy of philosophical blockbusters - Where God Went Wrong, Some More of God's Greatest Mistakes, and Who is This God Person Anyway? It has already supplanted the great Encyclopedia Galactica as the standard repository of all knowledge and wisdom, for two important reasons. First, it is slighty cheaper; and second, it has the words DON'T PANIC written in large, friendly letters on its cover.

The Book/Narrator

The Babel fish is small, yellow and leech-like, and probably the oddest thing in the Universe. It feeds on brainwave energy not from its carrier, but from those around it. It absorbs all unconscious mental frequencies from this brainwave energy to nourish itself with. It then excretes into the mind of its carrier a telepathic matrix formed by combining the conscious thought frequencies with nerve signals picked up from the speech centres of the brain which has supplied them. The practical upshot of all this is that if you stick a Babel fish in your ear, you can instantly understand anything said to you in any form of language.

The Book/Narrator

The extraordinary story of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy begins very simply, it begins with a man. An Earthman, to be precise. Who no more knows his destiny, than a tea leaf knows the history of the East India Company. His name is Arthur Dent. He is a five-foot-eight-inch-tall ape descendant, and someone is trying to drive a bypass through his house.

The Book/Narrator

The Jatravartids, who live in perpetual fear of the time they call "The Coming of The Great White Handkerchief", are small blue creatures with more than fifty arms each. They are unique in being the only race in history to have invented the aerosol deodorant before the wheel.

The Book/Narrator

The Point-of-View gun conveniently does precisely what its name suggests. That is, if you point it at someone and pull the trigger, they instantly see things from your point of view. It was designed by Deep Thought, but commissioned by a consortium of intergalactic angry housewives, who after countless arguments with their husbands were sick to the teeth of ending those arguments with the phrase "You just don't get it, do you?"

Ford Prefect

They don't think, they don't imagine, most of them can't even spell. They just run things. And if we don't hitch a ride soon, you won't need the guide to tell you just how unpleasant the Vogons can be. They already destroyed a planet today, and that always makes them a little "eeee!"

Arthur Dent

This must be Thursday... I never could get the hang of Thursdays.

This will all end in tears, I just know it.

Ford Prefect

Time is an illusion. Lunchtime, doubly so.