Ford Prefect Workers of the Earth ... I bring good tidings of peanuts!
Played by Yasiin Bey 
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (2005) · 54 quotes
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (2005) · 54 quotes
Tied for 2nd most-quoted character in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (2005): in 12 of its 54 quotes
Most scenes with: Zaphod Beeblebrox (5), Arthur Dent (5), Trillian (4)
It's a tough galaxy. If you want to survive, you've gotta know … where your towel is.
More lines from Ford Prefect
4 quotes Ford Prefect Ford Prefect Time is an illusion. Lunchtime, doubly so.
Ford Prefect They don't think, they don't imagine, most of them can't even spell. They just run things. And if we don't hitch a ride soon, you won't need the guide to tell you just how unpleasant the Vogons can be. They already destroyed a planet today, and that always makes them a little "eeee!"
Ford Prefect I've been stranded on a strange planet for a number of years, I haven't been avoiding you. You look great, you're doing well. You've grown, obviously.
Scenes with Ford Prefect
7 scenes
We have normality.
Normality? We can talk about normality until the cows come home.
Ford What is normal?
What is home?
What are cows?
It is important to note that suddenly, and against all probability, a Sperm Whale had been called into existence, several miles above the surface of an alien planet. Since this isn't a naturally tenable position for a whale, this innocent creature had very little time to come to terms with its identity. This is what it thought, as it fell:
The Whale
Ahhh! Woooh! What's happening? Who am I? Why am I here? What's my purpose in life? What do I mean by who am I? Okay okay, calm down, get a grip now. Ooh, this is an interesting sensation. What is it? Its a sort of tingling in my... well I suppose I better start finding names for things. Lets call it a... tail! Yeah! Tail! And hey, what's this roaring sound, whooshing past what I'm suddenly gonna call my head? Wind! Is that a good name? It'll do. Yeah, this is really exciting. I'm dizzy with anticipation! Or is it the wind? There's an awful lot of that, now isn't it? And what's this thing coming toward me very fast? So big and flat and round, it needs a big wide sounding name like 'Ow', 'Ownge', 'Round', 'Ground'! That's it! Ground! Ha! I wonder if it'll be friends with me? Hello, Ground! [dies]
Curiously, the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias, as it fell, was, "Oh no, not again." Many people have speculated that if we knew why the bowl of petunias had thought that, we would know a lot more about the nature of the Universe than we do now.
It's a big-biggy, Ford! A big-biggy! I mean what if it rips us all into tiny little atomic particle things?!
This is the right one! I have a hunch!
Ford [smiling]
His hunches are good! Arthur! I say we go!
Mr. Prosser
Come off it Mr. Dent, you can't lie in front of the bulldozers forever.
I'm game. We'll see who rusts first!
Mr. Prosser
This bypass has got the be built and it is going to be built!
Why has it got to be built?
Mr. Prosser
It's a bypass. You've got to build bypasses! Besides, you should've made your protest months ago. These plans have been on display at the planning office now for a year.
"On display"?! I had to go down to a cellar!
Mr. Prosser
Mr. Dent, have you any idea how much damage this bulldozer would suffer if I just let it roll right over you?
How much?
Mr. Prosser
None at all.
Ford Arthur... what if I told you I really wasn't from Guildford? I was from a small planet somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse?
Let's go somewhere.
Yeah. Definitely. Um, where did you have in mind?
Madagascar.
No... it's a country off the coast of Africa.
Can we put your ego aside for a minute?! Something important has happened.
If there's anything more important than my ego on this ship, I want it caught and shot right now!
Marvin!
Well, we have something that should take your mind off things.
It won't work. I have an exceptionally large mind.
Yeah, we know. But uh, we need you to go down to the number two entry bay and pick up our stowaways and bring them up here.
Just that? I won't enjoy it.
Yeah, well, that's life.
Er, Dent, Arthur Dent.
Oh, "Livingston, I presume". Yeah, not as good as Darwin, but it's the best I could do on short notice.
You're the first person who's gotten that right. Everyone keeps calling me Santa.
Really?
Yeah. And I though the Beagle was a dead giveaway!
Well, I suppose the people who come to these parties are drunken idiots.
Humma Kavula
Zaphod Beeblebrox, our infamous president. What brings you to our humble planet?
Oh, I think you know why I'm here.
Humma Kavula
No, I don't think I do.
Oh, I think you think you don't. But be both know you do.
Humma Kavula
Eloquent as always, Zaphod. Your ability to articulate never ceases to amaze.
Vogon clerk
[Trillian has been arrested by the Vogons and is being identified and processed]
Tricia Argastus McMillanus of Blard?
No, Tricia Marie McMillan of Earth.
Vogon clerk
Oh, right. [searches for Earth on the computer] Um, sorry, no record of "Earth".
Galactic sector Z.Z.9 Plural Z. Alpha?
Vogon clerk
Oh, yes. Here we are: Earth. Oh, um, "destroyed". Um, do you have a second home planet?
Why so edgy, baby doll? Relax.
Why so edgy? You wanna know why I'm edgy?
[fires Point-Of View gun at Zaphod] [from Trillian's view]
Of course you're edgy. Your planet's been blown up and you've been tooling round the galaxy with the guy who signed the order. You actually wanted to know the question because you always wondered if there was more to life and now you're crushed because you find out there really isn't.
[from Trillian's view]
You have no home and no family and now you're stuck with me, another in a long line of men who doesn't really get you.
[from Trillian's view]
And you're worried that you might have blown it with the one guy who really does.
Oh, baby doll. Give me that thing.
[takes Point-Of-View gun off Trillian and aims it at her]
It won't affect me. I'm already a woman.
[the Heart of Gold was about to be destroyed by two nuclear missiles, however Arthur activated the Infinite Improbability Drive just before the imminent collision]
Wow! Where are we?
Uh, exactly where we were.
And the missiles?
Ford Apparently they've turned into a bowl of petunias... and a very surprised-looking whale.
Eddie (ship's computer)
... At an improbability factor of 8,767,128 to 1 against!
[Ford and Arthur have been turned into sofas by the Infinite Improbability Drive]
Ford? I think I'm a sofa.
Ford I know how you feel.
Both
[pause]
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
Marvin, any ideas?
I have a million ideas. They all point to certain death.
Thanks very much, Marv'.
Freeze? I'm a robot, not a refrigerator.
I wasn't talkin' to you, giggles.
Marvin, you saved our lives.
I know. Wretched, isn't it?
Bartender
You really think the world's gonna end?
Ford Yes.
Bartender
Shouldn't we lie down? Put paper bags over our heads or something?
Ford If you like.
Bartender
Would it help?
Ford Not at all.
[Everyone aboard the Heart of Gold has been turned into yarn dolls]
Wow...is this gonna happen every time we...we hit that button?
Very probably, yes.
Whoa, whoa, do it in the trash can, ape man! This ship's brand new!
Ford [Arthur vomits colored yarn into the can]
Oh, dear.
Oh, come on!
We have normality.
Hey, enough small talk Trill, we're on the run, remember I stole a ship?
Excuse me, we're having a bit of a chat here, do you mind?
Well I think the girl's got [second head pops out] BOO, ha ha ha ha ha, you blew it with her earth-man, so shut your face or I'll kick you in the zatch. [he starts poking Arthur, who raises his fists] You want to fight?
Yeah.
You want to fight?
Okay.
Earth-man wants to fight.
No, no, no.
[raises his hands]
I'm just kidding, I'm a kidder. Come on, lets be friends, lets connect, you and I. [third arm pops out and punches Arthur] Didn't see that one coming did ya. Popped right out of the box. You foxy. Yeah. [starts dancing away] You should teach your pal a lesson Ford. He's a guest on my ship. [singing] He's a guest on my, shiiiip.
Ford I thought you said you stole it.
Ford Um...let's push this button here!
Ford How about...this?
You forgot your towel. [puts towel over Arthur's eyes]
NOOO get him off me! I'll kill him, I'll kill him! Okay, Ford, there's uh, could you...
Ford [Points]
You mean that?
No, that's not it, that makes it worse!
Ford [Display beeps]
No? No. Um...
[Pushes another button, windshield wipers activate]
No, I don't need that, I don't need that. Could you stop the rocket? Okay Marvin, any ideas?
I have a million ideas, they all point to certain death.
Ford [shrieks his battle cry and runs at the Vogons]
Vogons
He's got a towel! Run away!
[The mice (Lunkwill and Fook) are trying to remove Arthur's brain]
Just wait a sodding minute! You want a question that goes with the answer for 42? Well, how about "What's six times seven?" Or "How many Vogons does it take to change a lightbulb?" Here's one! "How many roads must a man walk down?"
Lunkwill
Hey, that's not bad!
Fine. Fine, take it. Because my head is filled with questions. And I can assure you, no answer to any one of them has ever brought me one iota of happiness. Except for one. The one. The only question I've ever wanted an answer to—"Is she the one?" And the answer bloody well isn't "42", it's "yes"! Undoubtedly, unequivocally, unabashedly yes! And for one week, one week in my sad little blip of an existence, it made me happy.
Lunkwill
Rubbish. We don't want to be happy, we want to be famous.
Fook
Yeah, what is all this "Is she the one" tripe?
Lunkwill
Take his brain!
[Their drill starts again]
NO, DON'T TAKE THE BRAIN, DON'T TAKE THE BRAIN MICE! [he breaks an arm of the chair and knocks the mice off the drill]
[screams]
IT WASN'T ME!
Ford ONE TWO THREE!
I'm famous.
Lunkwill
[trying to point the point-of-view gun at Arthur]
Shoot him! Quickly! Shoot him!
[lifts the teapot over his head and smashes it down]
Fook
Oh, bollocks. [they are squished]
