Claude Gilbert
Congratulations, Douglas. You have just won the right to taste my dust tomorrow.
And mine, Douglas. Today, you break my record. But tomorrow, I return your hello-comeback into goodbye forever. Auf Wiedersehen.
Jim Douglas
Dean Jones · 10 quotes
Wheely Applegate
Don Knotts · 9 quotes
Bruno Von Stickle
Eric Braeden · 3 quotes
Most scenes together: Jim Douglas & Wheely Applegate (8), Wheely Applegate & Bruno Von Stickle (2)
Herbie Goes to Monte Carlo quotes
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Insp. Bouchet Yes, yes, yes. But, uh, are you sure that all the security precautions had been taken?
Monsieur Ribeaux I've searched my memory. Could I have forgotten something?
Det. Fontenoy [interrupting their discussion]
Inspector, some residue of a footprint. I might have overlooked it, but I seemed to hear your voice calling out "Fontenoy, remember, no clue is small." [chuckles]
Insp. Bouchet Did you also hear me saying "Take it to the lab and get in analyzed, Fontenoy"?
He's out of his mind, all right. Over that luscious little Lancia.
You mean "no Herbie."
Race official Douglas. Ah, yes, Monsieur Douglas. You're in the heat after this one. Good luck.
That's the same heat I'm in, Douglas. You're going to need more than luck. You're going to need wings.
Oh, yeah? Well, you may just be in for a little surprise.
[Herbie drives his front wheels onto a hose with a squirter at the end which Von Stickle is using to wash his car; where he look straight at it, wondering what happened to the water. Right on target, Herbies goes off the hose, and causes Von Stickle to get squirted in the face]
Look for an even bigger surprise when the race starts.
Is that knocking I hear in the gas tank?
Not in my gas tank. Never!
Sounds like something clunking around in here.
Well, we either listen to the driver and stop to take the gas tank apart, or we listen to the mechanic and try to win this race.
I'm listening to the mechanic. Let’s go, Herbie!
Now wait a minute, buddy…
Diane Darcy [takes off her helmet]
What do you mean "buddy"?
Uh, Miss Buddy.
Max Patience, Quincy.
Quincy
You tell that to the guard. He'll be here in two minutes.
Max Right on schedule. Just ten steps to six million dollars.
Quincy
One step to Devil's Island, if anything touches that floor.
All taken care of, Jim. Had a little tank with Herbie. Had to straighten him out. I don't mind having a car that's got a heart, but I will not tolerate a car falling in love with another car.
What did you expect him to fall in love with? The Goodyear blimp?
The Goodyear — Yeah. [laughs] Anyway, I said "Listen, Herbie, we're over here for one thing and one thing only. And that's to make the biggest comeback in racing history. So, no women in training camp. You just forget that little chick, and you can do it. Just a matter of mind over metal."
Don't let his modesty or this little car coming out of retirement fool you. There isn't a finer turned cleaner engine anywhere.
I'm sure it should be easy to keep clean. All you go to do is drop it in the washing machine, along with your socks.
Appreciate your humor. But just don't you worry about this little washing machi... [Jim elbows him] ... car!
I didn't understand what he was saying.
That's OK. He didn't understand what you were saying either. Come to think of it, I don't think *I* understood what you were saying.
They never say what I mean. That's what makes the female the species deadlier than the male.
You read that some place?
Yes, and I've got a mother, three sisters, and two ex-wives to prove it. Oh, they never told me they wanted me out of the house, but every time I came home, the lock was changed.
[Bruno Von Stickle won't let Herbie pass]
Dirty road hog! Why doesn't he learn how to drive?
He knows how to drive, that's the trouble!
Now you listen to me, Herbie, and you listen good. Now, you and I did not come out of mothballs to be the laughingstock of the continent. Either get the lead out of your pants right now, or I’m gonna ship you back to the States, have you stuffed and hung on a wall in Retirement Village!