Now you listen to me, Herbie, and you listen good. Now, you and I did not come out of mothballs to be the laughingstock of the continent. Either get the lead out of your pants right now, or I’m gonna ship you back to the States, have you stuffed and hung on a wall in Retirement Village!
Wheely Applegate
Dirty road hog! Why doesn't he learn how to drive?
Jim Douglas
He knows how to drive, that's the trouble!
Wheely Applegate
Yeah, I see what you mean.
Wheely Applegate
I didn't understand what he was saying.
Jim Douglas
That's OK. He didn't understand what you were saying either. Come to think of it, I don't think *I* understood what you were saying.
Wheely Applegate
They never say what I mean. That's what makes the female the species deadlier than the male.
Jim Douglas
You read that some place?
Wheely Applegate
Yes, and I've got a mother, three sisters, and two ex-wives to prove it. Oh, they never told me they wanted me out of the house, but every time I came home, the lock was changed.
Jim Douglas
Is that knocking I hear in the gas tank?
Wheely Applegate
Not in my gas tank. Never!
Jim Douglas
Sounds like something clunking around in here.
Wheely Applegate
Well, we either listen to the driver and stop to take the gas tank apart, or we listen to the mechanic and try to win this race.
Jim Douglas
I'm listening to the mechanic. Let’s go, Herbie!
Jim Douglas
Herbie!
Wheely Applegate
You mean "no Herbie."
Wheely Applegate
All taken care of, Jim. Had a little tank with Herbie. Had to straighten him out. I don't mind having a car that's got a heart, but I will not tolerate a car falling in love with another car.
Jim Douglas
What did you expect him to fall in love with? The Goodyear blimp?
Wheely Applegate
The Goodyear — Yeah. [laughs] Anyway, I said "Listen, Herbie, we're over here for one thing and one thing only. And that's to make the biggest comeback in racing history. So, no women in training camp. You just forget that little chick, and you can do it. Just a matter of mind over metal."
Jim Douglas
Douglas and Applegate.
Douglas. Ah, yes, Monsieur Douglas. You're in the heat after this one. Good luck.
Bruno Von Stickle
That's the same heat I'm in, Douglas. You're going to need more than luck. You're going to need wings.
Wheely Applegate
Oh, yeah? Well, you may just be in for a little surprise.
Bruno Von Stickle
I can see your surprise. It is very little.
Jim Douglas
Look for an even bigger surprise when the race starts.
Jim Douglas
He's out of his mind.
Wheely Applegate
He's out of his mind, all right. Over that luscious little Lancia.
Jim Douglas
Now wait a minute, buddy…
What do you mean "buddy"?
Jim Douglas
Uh, Miss Buddy.
