Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle quotes

72 total quotes

Freakshow
Harold Lee
Kumar Patel
Mean Tollbooth Guy
Others

View Quote Harold: I want 30 sliders, 5 french fries, and 4 large cherry cokes.
Kumar: I want the same except make mine diet cokes, Chuck.

View Quote Officer Martone: [notices the jail door keys in the jail door, and Tarik Jackson sitting inside the cell reading a book] Hey, Jackson's trying to escape!
Jackson: What are you talking about? I'm just sitting here.
Officer Reilly: He's trying to break free! Get him!
Jacksom: Aw, shit.
[gets up and spread eagles on the cell wall, while still holding the book in one hand]
Officer Martone: Don't move. Stop resisting! We need back up now! He's got a gun!
Jackson: That's not a gun, that's a book.
Officer Reilly: Secure the book!
Officer Palumbo: Book is secure. You bring this filth [book is on human rights] in here?! What is this shit?!

View Quote Kumar: Now we're in Newark, of all places. You know we're gonna get shot.
Harold: Maybe it's not as bad as they say. Maybe it's just a bunch of hype.
Kumar: Check it out. Those guys look like a lame version of us.
[two guys get jumped and beaten with a 2x4 and other weapons]
Harold, Kumar: Holy shit!
[assailants stop beating up the two guys, look up and pause, then continue with the assaults while the two men lay on the ground moaning]
Harold: Let's get the **** outta here. Go! Go! Drive! Drive!
Kumar: Yeah, that was your fault.
Harold: **** you.
Kumar: **** you.

View Quote Hello-o-o-o, New Brunswick!

View Quote Freakshow: What the hell are you doing with my wife?
Harold: Y-you said outside that we could have sex with her!
Kumar: Shit! Shit!
Freakshow: I most certainly did not!
Harold: Yes you did!
Freakshow: Did not!
Kumar: Yes you did!
Freakshow: Oh, no, I didn't.
Kumar: You did, you did.
Freakshow: You sure?
Harold: You said it!
Freakshow: [laughing] My mistake! Well, since we're all here, how 'bout a four-some?

View Quote Harold: ...The universe tends to unfold as it should.
Kumar: What is that? Some fortune cookie?

View Quote [cops left moments earlier to check out a shooting in Millbrook Park]
Kumar: [from inside a heating duct at the police station, where Harold is in jail] Rold? Is that you?
Harold: Kumar?
Kumar: Hey, are the cops still here?
Harold: What the hell are you doing?
Kumar: I just called and made up some story about a shooting in Millbrook Park.
Harold: Jesus Christ, what'd you do that for?!
Kumar: I'm ****ing starving! I figured I'd bust you out and we'd go get some burgers.

View Quote Who wants first reach-around?

View Quote Shotgun anus!

View Quote Move, you ****ing twat!

View Quote Kumar: Do you know what the hell we had to go through after you took the car?
Neil Patrick Harris: Yeah, it was a dick move on my part. That's why I'm paying for your meal. [looks down to count money, lowers voice] Prick.

View Quote Dude, am I going deaf or did he just say we could **** his wife?

View Quote Kumar: [in surgery] Hang on a second, nurse. What we should probably use is marijuana. That'll sufficiently sedate the patient for surgery.
Male Nurse: Marijuana? But why?
Kumar: We don't have time for questions. We need marijuana now, as much of it as possible! Like a big bag of it.

View Quote Hey, asshole, why don't you leave that guy alone and go jerk off to some snowboarding videos or something?

View Quote I'll tell these girls how you both got gonorrhea from that prostitute in Atlantic City.