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Melissa: I called that bed and breakfast in Napa. They said they had no record of you even checking in.
Stu: That's 'cause we didn't go to Napa.
Melissa: Stu, what the **** is going on?
Stu: We went to Las Vegas.
Melissa: Oh, really? Las Vegas? Why would you go to Las Vegas?
Stu: 'Cause my best friend was getting married, and that's what guys do.
Melissa: Uh-huh?
Stu: Yeah.
Melissa: That's not what you do.
Stu: Really? Well, then, why did I do it?! Huh?! 'Cause I did it! Riddle me that! Why'd I do it?! You know, sometimes I think all you want me to do is what you want me to do. Well, I'm sick of doing what you want me to do all the time. I think, in a healthy relationship, sometimes a guy should be able to do what he wants to do.
Melissa: That is not how this works!
Stu: Oh, good! Because whatever this is ain't workin' for me!
Melissa: Oh, really?
Stu: Yeah!
Melissa: Since when?!
Stu: Since you ****ed that waiter on your cruise last June! BOOM!!!
Alan: You told me it was a bartender.
Stu: Oh. You're right. I stand corrected. It was a bartender. You ****ed a bartender.
Melissa: You're an idiot.
Stu: You're a-- You... [struggles] You're... such a bad person! Like, all the way through to your core!


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