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Chinese Boy: Keep him out of the light. He hates bright light. Especially sunlight - it'll kill him. And keep him away from water. Don't get him wet. But the most important rule, the rule you can never forget - no matter how much he cries, or how much he begs, never, never feed him after midnight.
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Lynn Peltzer: GET OUT OF MY KITCHEN!!!
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Murray Futterman: Goddamn foreign TV. I told ya, we should've got a Zenith!
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Rockin' Ricky Rialto: [as Pete tries to tell him about the Gremlins] Kid, this is Christmas, not Halloween! Listen, gang. Rockin' Ricky's getting fed up with all this Orson Welles crap, so cool it, will ya?! [crashing is heard] What's that? Kitty, what's that, I said? Some of Rockin' Ricky's fans? [a Gremlin is heard cackling] Hey, you're not a Rockin' Ricky fan! [screams]
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Rocking Ricky Rialto: Hey, gang, It's been a rough night for Rockin' Ricky, but he's still on the air!
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Stripe: (repeated line) Gizmo CaCa!
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Gerald: If it isn't Captain Clip-on! Guess who almost filed for unemployment today?
Billy: I give up.
Gerald: You! But Mr. Corben had other ideas. He gets so sentimental around the holidays. I would've fired you in a heartbeat.
Billy: And a merry Christmas to you too. Excuse me, Mr. Jones.
Billy: I give up.
Gerald: You! But Mr. Corben had other ideas. He gets so sentimental around the holidays. I would've fired you in a heartbeat.
Billy: And a merry Christmas to you too. Excuse me, Mr. Jones.
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Kate: Now I have another reason to hate Christmas.
Billy Peltzer: Kate, what are you talking about?
Kate: The worst thing that ever happened to me was on Christmas. Oh, God. It was so horrible. It was Christmas Eve. I was 9 years old. Me and Mom were, were decorating the tree, waiting for Dad to come home from work. Couple hours went by, Dad wasn't home. So Mom called the office. No answer. Christmas Day came and went, and still nothing. So, the police began a search. 4 or 5 days went by. Neither one of us could eat or sleep. Everything was falling apart. It was snowing outside. The house was freezing, so, I went to try to light up the fire. And that's when I noticed the smell. Firemen came and broke through the chimney top, and me and Mom were expecting them to pull out a dead cat or a bird, and instead, they pulled out my father. [Gizmo gasps in shock] He was dressed in a Santa Claus suit. He'd been climbing down the chimney on Christmas Eve, his arms loaded with presents. He was gonna surprise us. He slipped and broke his neck, died instantly. And that's how I found out there was no Santa Claus.
Billy Peltzer: Kate, what are you talking about?
Kate: The worst thing that ever happened to me was on Christmas. Oh, God. It was so horrible. It was Christmas Eve. I was 9 years old. Me and Mom were, were decorating the tree, waiting for Dad to come home from work. Couple hours went by, Dad wasn't home. So Mom called the office. No answer. Christmas Day came and went, and still nothing. So, the police began a search. 4 or 5 days went by. Neither one of us could eat or sleep. Everything was falling apart. It was snowing outside. The house was freezing, so, I went to try to light up the fire. And that's when I noticed the smell. Firemen came and broke through the chimney top, and me and Mom were expecting them to pull out a dead cat or a bird, and instead, they pulled out my father. [Gizmo gasps in shock] He was dressed in a Santa Claus suit. He'd been climbing down the chimney on Christmas Eve, his arms loaded with presents. He was gonna surprise us. He slipped and broke his neck, died instantly. And that's how I found out there was no Santa Claus.
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Murry Futterman: [drunk, looking inside his car] Gremlins... [turning to Billy and Kate] You got-you gotta watch out for them forgeiners cuz they plant gremlins in their machinery. [climbs inside the car] It's the same gremlins that brought down our planes in the big one.
Kate: [laughing] The big one...
Murry Futterman: [turning round] That's right! World War Two! [salutes] Good old WWII. [tries to start his car] Y'know, they're still shippin' 'em over here... They put 'em in cars, they put 'em in yer TV, they put 'em in stereos and those little radios you stick in your ears. They even put 'em in watches, they have teeny gremlins for our watches!
Kate: [laughing] The big one...
Murry Futterman: [turning round] That's right! World War Two! [salutes] Good old WWII. [tries to start his car] Y'know, they're still shippin' 'em over here... They put 'em in cars, they put 'em in yer TV, they put 'em in stereos and those little radios you stick in your ears. They even put 'em in watches, they have teeny gremlins for our watches!
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Randall Peltzer: [after seeing the Mogwai] I've got to have him! He's incredible. I'll give you $100 for it.
Mr. Wing: No.
Randall Peltzer: Look, I've got to have it. It's a present for my son for Christmas. It's exactly what I've been looking for and I've been everywhere. I'll give you $200 for it. That's $200!
Mr. Wing: I'm sorry. Mogwai not for sale.
Randall Peltzer: I thought you said everything at your grandfather's store was for sale.
Chinese Boy: Grandfather!
Mr. Wing: With Mogwai comes much responsibility. I cannot sell him at any price.
Mr. Wing: No.
Randall Peltzer: Look, I've got to have it. It's a present for my son for Christmas. It's exactly what I've been looking for and I've been everywhere. I'll give you $200 for it. That's $200!
Mr. Wing: I'm sorry. Mogwai not for sale.
Randall Peltzer: I thought you said everything at your grandfather's store was for sale.
Chinese Boy: Grandfather!
Mr. Wing: With Mogwai comes much responsibility. I cannot sell him at any price.
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Randall Peltzer: Billy, you're familiar with the Bathroom Buddy? I have made an improvement. Now, let's say, you're about to walk into a big meeting. It's very important. You reach up and you forgot to shave. Now what do you do? Under normal cir****stances, you are in trouble! But not if you have the Bathroom Buddy. Now watch [produces a shaver] Voila! What do you think?
Billy Peltzer: That's pretty neat. What does this button do?
Randall Peltzer: No, don't touch it!
[Billy sprays shaving cream in his father's face]
Billy Peltzer: Sorry dad.
Randall Peltzer: No, it's okay.
Billy Peltzer: No, I'm really sorry.
Randall Peltzer: It's not your fault. I was going to get to that. I'll fix it tomorrow.
Billy Peltzer: That's pretty neat. What does this button do?
Randall Peltzer: No, don't touch it!
[Billy sprays shaving cream in his father's face]
Billy Peltzer: Sorry dad.
Randall Peltzer: No, it's okay.
Billy Peltzer: No, I'm really sorry.
Randall Peltzer: It's not your fault. I was going to get to that. I'll fix it tomorrow.
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Sheriff Frank: Gremlins, huh?
Billy: Yes.
Sheriff Frank: Little monsters?
Billy: Right.
Sheriff Frank: Hundreds of them?
Billy: I don't know, maybe thousands. Look, I know it sounds crazy. I know it does, but in a matter of hours, this town's going to become a major disaster area! You have got to warn people!
Sheriff Frank: You think the kid is drunk?
Deputy Brent: No, but you are!
Billy: Yes.
Sheriff Frank: Little monsters?
Billy: Right.
Sheriff Frank: Hundreds of them?
Billy: I don't know, maybe thousands. Look, I know it sounds crazy. I know it does, but in a matter of hours, this town's going to become a major disaster area! You have got to warn people!
Sheriff Frank: You think the kid is drunk?
Deputy Brent: No, but you are!
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Sheriff Frank: My god, Frye, that was Mrs. Deagle.
[A gremlin under the police car pulls out the brake wire from the car. Meanwhile a Santa Claus comes out of his house attacked by gremlins.]
Deputy Brent: Jesus, Frank, that's Dave Morris! He does Santa every year!
Sheriff Frank: Yeah, but what the hell is he doing now? What's that stuff he's got all over him?!
[A gremlin under the police car pulls out the brake wire from the car. Meanwhile a Santa Claus comes out of his house attacked by gremlins.]
Deputy Brent: Jesus, Frank, that's Dave Morris! He does Santa every year!
Sheriff Frank: Yeah, but what the hell is he doing now? What's that stuff he's got all over him?!
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Sheriff Frank: Tell me something, Billy. How does a cute little creature like this turn into a thousand ugly monsters?
Billy: Well, this is before it enters the pupal stage.
Deputy Brent: The pupal stage?
Billy: Yeah, right. Plus it multiplies with water.
Deputy Brent: Aw, Christ!
Sheriff Frank: Brent, why don't you give the kid some water?
Billy: I wouldn't do that, sheriff.
[The phone rings. The sheriff answers it]
Sheriff Frank: Sheriff's office. Yeah, speaking... What?... Oh no... Yeah, we'll be right over.
Deputy Brent: Who was that?
Sheriff Frank: The Futtermans. Something about a snowplow, a freak accident...
Billy: It's the creatures! The creatures are making it look like an accident! Sheriff! WILL YOU LISTEN TO ME?!
Sherriff Frank: You listen to me, kid! Go on home, take little Gizmo, sit by the fire and open your Christmas presents, okay? Atta boy!
Deputy Brent: [as he and Frank leave] Let me drive.
Sheriff Frank: No, you're drunk.
Deputy Brent: You always get to drive!
Sheriff Frank: Cause I'm the sheriff, asshole!
Billy: Well, this is before it enters the pupal stage.
Deputy Brent: The pupal stage?
Billy: Yeah, right. Plus it multiplies with water.
Deputy Brent: Aw, Christ!
Sheriff Frank: Brent, why don't you give the kid some water?
Billy: I wouldn't do that, sheriff.
[The phone rings. The sheriff answers it]
Sheriff Frank: Sheriff's office. Yeah, speaking... What?... Oh no... Yeah, we'll be right over.
Deputy Brent: Who was that?
Sheriff Frank: The Futtermans. Something about a snowplow, a freak accident...
Billy: It's the creatures! The creatures are making it look like an accident! Sheriff! WILL YOU LISTEN TO ME?!
Sherriff Frank: You listen to me, kid! Go on home, take little Gizmo, sit by the fire and open your Christmas presents, okay? Atta boy!
Deputy Brent: [as he and Frank leave] Let me drive.
Sheriff Frank: No, you're drunk.
Deputy Brent: You always get to drive!
Sheriff Frank: Cause I'm the sheriff, asshole!